most of us can never hug jeff; he's on stage.

according to thurston moore:

"he thinks maybe barking dogs are laughing! he thinks maybe the world is some sort of kitten. he still thinks we're serious. word magic. and we're lucky he can sing it so sweet. "

jeff tweedy.

Laughs*

the greatest songs
are never sung
but the grass
gets cut
and spelled
in children's hands
how the sun is yellow
but also cold and sutured
...blue

the best laughs
never leave your lungs
and the best life
is art
never made

/life is brimming with anticipation and we're fueled by all the things that remain inside us.
i hate that there are people apologizing for caring for someone or feeling like those moments were wasted.

a phone conversation from last night left me feeling sad. longing for something. for a time when i never have to apologize. when WE never have to apologize for anything.

someday.

in the meantime there's jeff tweedy.
and wilco on thursday. maybe i will hug him.

xo michelle.

*this poem comes from a collection of jeff tweedy's poetry called adult head. it's published by ZooPress. you should probably go to your local independant book seller and buy it!

plink. plonk. plink. plonk.

i was just standing there.
smiling.
drunk.

realising how fucking lucky i am.

a year ago my life was COMPLETELY different.

it's amazing what a little time can do.

xo michelle.

edmitten ink. (the tattoo saga pt.___)

this isn't a repost from myspace. i just liked the title...

anyways, thus concludes the tattoo saga...for the time being. my sleeve is officially finished. sure, i'll need some touch ups in the next couple of months but that's it. it's done. the end of a fucking era or something...

admittedly, i'm kind of sad about it being finished. if nothing else it was something to look forward to. i remember back in october when it was an outline. i remember every step of the way and i'm changed because of it.

it's kind of embarassing but i'm tearing up a little because of it. i mean, i feel like it's made me a more confident person. not because it makes me feel all fucking hardcore or super punkrock or anything (because it doesn't) but because it makes me feel beautiful and by doing it i have forced people to look at me. it's made me the kind of person who doesn't mind people looking at her. or at least part of her. i'm not a confident person but i'm confident in my arm and my decision to get it done. and that's a big something.

also, i really really liked going to urge every month or so and hanging out with johnny for a few hours and just being sort of away from my life. there's something to be said for a relationship like that...it's like sex with a different kind of penetration. how could i have done this and loved it like i do had johnny not been such an awesome person. fuck how good he is at what he does, which he is, to me the kind of person he is is as important.

i'm just babbling at this point. i'm really really really happy with how it came together and how amazing it looks.

i guess i'll just have to start thinking about my back..

*smooch*
m.

good friend?

in case you were under some false impression that i might actually be a nice person i have something in writing to prove that i am not.

apparently instead i am :

a falsely-insured, self-involved, corporate patsy happy to let others suffer to prevent my subsidized lifestyle be put in even the slightest jeopardy.

so yeah...

icing on the cake...

i'm an insane person.

helen, i apologize. we just met and here i am being insane all over your lovely blog...

anonymous:

i LOVE the idea of never being in love again...

anonymous:
(a mere minute later)

i prefer to sleep with men in relationships because they don't expect me to care.
(or something more/less eloquent to that effect).

michelle.

i'm scared.

that one is probably the truest.

the thing is i wasn't expecting all of this. the return of the wonder kid has reminded me that i am not 'over' him. truthfully, i'm not sure i even believe in 'over'.

all i want to do is run. the last time i got on a plane and now i want to do the same thing. maybe i should confront the situation head-on, say something like:

michelle.

boy, i love you. it sucks and it means i can't have you in my life.

maybe i just can't have him in my life.
that sucks though. for almost 2 years he was the most important person in my life. my BEST fucking friend. i see him and my heart skips and breaks and now i feel like i'm being cold and a little bit mean. he came to my play and i blew him off for someone more present. more immediately non-threatening. the less the risk of another broken heart the better.

i said 'i LOVE the idea of never being in love again...'-god, obviously i don't want that. but i don't want this either. in love with someone so completely intangible.

and yes, i'd like to care about the people i've fucked. the care to not care ratio isn't good. it's 1 for...well, one. i mean, i care about them and they are safe and happy and loved but they won't be loved by me. i don't want to love them, that's the point.

where am i even going with this. who cares. i'm too stoned to care. sorry i'm such a whiney emo bitch...
i wonder if i should link his myspace page on here somewhere so y'all can scope him out? i don't think so...

hockey hooligans or not...

...seeing 30 cops in glow-in-the-dark vests walking down your street to their 'base of operations' is a fucking surreal sight.

oh, and i think it's pretty funny that the 'base of operations' to deal with hockey rioters is the granite curling club. how much more fucking canadian can we get, eh?





( andy emailed this photo to me. i don't know who took it-but credit where credit is due, stranger!)

night, eh

michelle.

an ode of sorts.

it's always strange seeing an old love. seeing how they look and how they talk and how they think and remembering that you already know all that stuff about them.

there's a comfort in that.

there's also a strange reminder of how shitty it felt to see them with that other person and know that you'd never have that. how shitty it felt when you watched him walk away and knew that they were the reason you were getting on a plane and going as far away from home as you can afford.

i think i'll always love him. a part of me will hold all those moments so tightly that i couldn't forget them even if i wanted to.

it was good to see him. it actually was. no panic and chest pains and longing and tears. only smiles and hugs and cds and a glimmer of the possibility for a little of that amazing friendship we once had.

god, i missed him. and it's nice be able to start this little post with '...an old love.'

*mwah*
michelle

p.s. he's still fucking hot too...

p.p.s. on a note unrelated to that still hot old love boy: i just want to say that i met someone tonight that i absolutely would have gone home with in a fucking millisecond.