ARTIST CRISIS!
just when you want it all to end.
just when you want to give up 'the art' for something useful that you don't give a shit about you read this... sure, it's hocus pocus but it's what you need as you struggle through your pretentious artistic crisis a week before you're on the chopping block in a room full of people who's work you judge with equal harshness.
VIRGO horoscope for the week of August 25, 2005:
Who did you start out to be, Virgo? It's time to remember that. I urge you to muse about the ways you could benefit from renewing a connection to your origins. Revisit your earliest sources of truth. Think about whether you're still on track to become the person you knew you could be when your vision was still fresh and innocent. Here's a good way to anchor your explorations in concrete reality: Meditate on the scientifically verified fact that with each breath, you re-inhale at least one molecule you first took in during the minutes after you were born.
oh god.
hey jeff, this is your's too.
m.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
poisoned
i think i might have died last night.
well, ok. i might be exaggerating a little bit but i thought i might die, i wanted to die.
here's how the day went down:
wake up. go for breakfast. feel excellent despite raging insomnia. get a new (amazing) album. go for ice cream. sit outside. feel less excellent due to dairy consumption. whatever. get home. re-interview for ed. talk to matt. tell matt i am having a nap. i should have had a nap. phone rings. indian buffet for sups? why not. 6:15. eating. 9pm (as i was getting ready to go out...). puking. i puke and shit for two hours basically non-stop and then pass out for a couple...wake up at one. email all the people i made commitments to for last night. wish brief happy birthdays to a friend and then pass out again.
such was my night. and i can assure you without a doubt that i would have MUCH MUCH MUCH rather been playing bon jovi songs and going to fringe plays and house farewell parties then doing what i was doing...
god. i hate being forced to relinquish control over my body like that. me and puking do not do well together. i longed for my mom.
anyways, i feel a bit better today. no more shitting and puking...just a disgusting film and weakness remain. i am so tired.
what a lovely saturday night.
well, ok. i might be exaggerating a little bit but i thought i might die, i wanted to die.
here's how the day went down:
wake up. go for breakfast. feel excellent despite raging insomnia. get a new (amazing) album. go for ice cream. sit outside. feel less excellent due to dairy consumption. whatever. get home. re-interview for ed. talk to matt. tell matt i am having a nap. i should have had a nap. phone rings. indian buffet for sups? why not. 6:15. eating. 9pm (as i was getting ready to go out...). puking. i puke and shit for two hours basically non-stop and then pass out for a couple...wake up at one. email all the people i made commitments to for last night. wish brief happy birthdays to a friend and then pass out again.
such was my night. and i can assure you without a doubt that i would have MUCH MUCH MUCH rather been playing bon jovi songs and going to fringe plays and house farewell parties then doing what i was doing...
god. i hate being forced to relinquish control over my body like that. me and puking do not do well together. i longed for my mom.
anyways, i feel a bit better today. no more shitting and puking...just a disgusting film and weakness remain. i am so tired.
what a lovely saturday night.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
pink lamee 7 yr olds.
i mean, lam-eh. like that sparkly gold spandexy stuff but this time pink...and this time it's on a seven year old in the parking lot of the grocery store.
anyhow, odd fashion choices for children aside:
the real post:
firebombing: an insomniacs revenge
i haven't slept a full night in almost two weeks...4 hours is my maximum. i never fall asleep before 3am if i'm lucky and then i am guarenteed to wake up at least twice during the night.
the thing is, i bring these fits of insomnia upon myself. i need to be busy; i get so bored if i'm not. however, a good level of busy for me also comes with an incredible amount of stress. my body manifests its stress level in two ways:
1) digestive upset: and i'll spare all y'all a post about that
and
2) insomnia!!
insomnia rocks! (*michelle holds up a giant sign to the audience that reads: SARCASM*)
i heard this song on the radio this morning called 'insomnia'...it was good song but the repetition of the word insomnia made me want to blow up my car. it's like the dj was rubbing it in...'ha ha michelle, you haven't slept!' it's like those scenes in movies where the crazy person starts to halluncinate and all of a sudden some music comes on the radio to reinforce their insanity..."insomnia, insomnia..." underscored by a catchy dance beat.
so, can i fire bomb cjsr? would that be uncool? revenge is a dish best served exhausted isn't it?
honestly, i even thought about looking up firebombing techniques on the internet. JUST KIDDING!! ah fuck, the US government is gonna shut down my blog now i bet...dammit. well, i'd better make some blasphemous remarks and express some anti-american sentiment just to get it all out the way...JOKES! ALL JOKES!
all jokes aside, i've triend to cure my insomnia through a variety of methods:
1. masturbating before bed (orgasms usually help me sleep or wake me up and make me want more...)
2. drinking
3. smoking a lot of weed
(however i have discovered that if 2 and 3 are not done together the result is michelle hyper as fuck rather than sleepy. if 2 and 3 are combined then i sleep in public but still have trouble falling asleep. any combination of 2 or 3 combined with 1 and i'm seriously up all night)
4. i stopped napping after work
and that's about it. i am reluctant to take drugs because i never take stuff. i am reluctant to take tylenol.
so, what is all this lack of sleep doing to me? physically i'm pretty ok. i look tired (not sexy) but i actually don't FEEL all the bad (considering i was out with the stomach flu and a bit of a cold earlier in the week); where it's affects are most evident is in my new found crazy-ass personality:
- my anti-social/shy tendencies are far most pronounced. i never want to go out and the things that i have committed to doing aren't very appealing.
- i have become incredibly needy...to the point of being a pain in the ass i imagine. i think my sister is feeling it the most because i refuse to ANYTHING and ask her to do everything.
- my ability to procrastinate only increases when i haven't slept
- i triple post this LONG entry on all three of my blogs. :)
- and of course, i am irritable and whiney as fuck. (obviously)
the thing that sucks the most though is that insomnia is an incredibly lonely thing. at 3am when i can't sleep the only thing i want is for someone else to be awake too. i want someone to come over and get into bed with me and we can keep each other warm and cuddle until we both fall asleep. i just want someone there with me in my alert early morning hours. i never feel that kind of desperate lonliness until i am awake all alone with too much on my mind and no one to talk to.
night night.
anyhow, odd fashion choices for children aside:
the real post:
firebombing: an insomniacs revenge
i haven't slept a full night in almost two weeks...4 hours is my maximum. i never fall asleep before 3am if i'm lucky and then i am guarenteed to wake up at least twice during the night.
the thing is, i bring these fits of insomnia upon myself. i need to be busy; i get so bored if i'm not. however, a good level of busy for me also comes with an incredible amount of stress. my body manifests its stress level in two ways:
1) digestive upset: and i'll spare all y'all a post about that
and
2) insomnia!!
insomnia rocks! (*michelle holds up a giant sign to the audience that reads: SARCASM*)
i heard this song on the radio this morning called 'insomnia'...it was good song but the repetition of the word insomnia made me want to blow up my car. it's like the dj was rubbing it in...'ha ha michelle, you haven't slept!' it's like those scenes in movies where the crazy person starts to halluncinate and all of a sudden some music comes on the radio to reinforce their insanity..."insomnia, insomnia..." underscored by a catchy dance beat.
so, can i fire bomb cjsr? would that be uncool? revenge is a dish best served exhausted isn't it?
honestly, i even thought about looking up firebombing techniques on the internet. JUST KIDDING!! ah fuck, the US government is gonna shut down my blog now i bet...dammit. well, i'd better make some blasphemous remarks and express some anti-american sentiment just to get it all out the way...JOKES! ALL JOKES!
all jokes aside, i've triend to cure my insomnia through a variety of methods:
1. masturbating before bed (orgasms usually help me sleep or wake me up and make me want more...)
2. drinking
3. smoking a lot of weed
(however i have discovered that if 2 and 3 are not done together the result is michelle hyper as fuck rather than sleepy. if 2 and 3 are combined then i sleep in public but still have trouble falling asleep. any combination of 2 or 3 combined with 1 and i'm seriously up all night)
4. i stopped napping after work
and that's about it. i am reluctant to take drugs because i never take stuff. i am reluctant to take tylenol.
so, what is all this lack of sleep doing to me? physically i'm pretty ok. i look tired (not sexy) but i actually don't FEEL all the bad (considering i was out with the stomach flu and a bit of a cold earlier in the week); where it's affects are most evident is in my new found crazy-ass personality:
- my anti-social/shy tendencies are far most pronounced. i never want to go out and the things that i have committed to doing aren't very appealing.
- i have become incredibly needy...to the point of being a pain in the ass i imagine. i think my sister is feeling it the most because i refuse to ANYTHING and ask her to do everything.
- my ability to procrastinate only increases when i haven't slept
- i triple post this LONG entry on all three of my blogs. :)
- and of course, i am irritable and whiney as fuck. (obviously)
the thing that sucks the most though is that insomnia is an incredibly lonely thing. at 3am when i can't sleep the only thing i want is for someone else to be awake too. i want someone to come over and get into bed with me and we can keep each other warm and cuddle until we both fall asleep. i just want someone there with me in my alert early morning hours. i never feel that kind of desperate lonliness until i am awake all alone with too much on my mind and no one to talk to.
night night.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
distance
the distance between us has grown so much.
i don't know where to build the bridge.
you say we have nothing in common, you say that i'm whore. or at least that's what your eyes tell me. i don't know what to say or do.
i am at a loss.
i miss you.
m.
i don't know where to build the bridge.
you say we have nothing in common, you say that i'm whore. or at least that's what your eyes tell me. i don't know what to say or do.
i am at a loss.
i miss you.
m.
'wow michelle, you've changed'
have i?
people keep telling me that and i am not sure what it means. or what it means to me.
i don't feel like i've changed. i mean, i'm getting older and the older i get the more i figure my own shit out i suppose; getting to know myself better; finding my little place in the world.
so, have i changed? i guess so. i've made new friends, i've discovered passions that i didn't know i had, i'm less afraid...
but it's funny because all these things, all these really positive things don't mean anything in the face of sex. somehow an openess about sex and sexuality is the immediate cue for people.
'michelle, you did what? with who?'
and i answer honestly because there's no reason not to.
'michelle, you'd do what? that? really?'
and i answer honestly because there's no reason not to.
and that's why i've changed. embracing your body and pleasure and all of those things are somehow the things that make people stand up and take notice.
the fact that professionally i am doing what i want, or that i'm more assertive or kinder or more approachable...all of those things mean nothing in the face of who i've chosen to fuck.
have i changed? no more than you i suppose and i've had enough of the word 'change' being associated soley with my sexuality.
the end.
people keep telling me that and i am not sure what it means. or what it means to me.
i don't feel like i've changed. i mean, i'm getting older and the older i get the more i figure my own shit out i suppose; getting to know myself better; finding my little place in the world.
so, have i changed? i guess so. i've made new friends, i've discovered passions that i didn't know i had, i'm less afraid...
but it's funny because all these things, all these really positive things don't mean anything in the face of sex. somehow an openess about sex and sexuality is the immediate cue for people.
'michelle, you did what? with who?'
and i answer honestly because there's no reason not to.
'michelle, you'd do what? that? really?'
and i answer honestly because there's no reason not to.
and that's why i've changed. embracing your body and pleasure and all of those things are somehow the things that make people stand up and take notice.
the fact that professionally i am doing what i want, or that i'm more assertive or kinder or more approachable...all of those things mean nothing in the face of who i've chosen to fuck.
have i changed? no more than you i suppose and i've had enough of the word 'change' being associated soley with my sexuality.
the end.
so much hipster love!
word up kids,
*before i start, i am too lazy to do the html code shit to make real links so instead i just wrote out the actual websites. they're still links but far less fancy*
welcome to sunday afternoon. i am waiting for my dad to come by with a new bookshelf for us. it's hard to be as well read as i am and have space for all the books. jokes kids. this bookshelf is for dvd's! ha ha!
anyhow, this week/weekend has been ALL about music for me. yeah, sure i've been rehearsing and it finally seems to be on it's way to something worth possibly considering watching at some point.
ok. so all about music i said right. so if we go back to last saturday i had a good day of purchasing some new musical goodness. i got some kick ass goodness.
the most serence republic - underwater cinematographer
ironically enough they played here last saturday and the word on the street is that this is one of the best albums of the year. it's really gorgeous...lush, sweeping and totally gorgeous. i am in love with this album. check out www.arts-crafts.ca for more info on this band and all the other awesome bands on arts & crafts records.
xiu xiu- la foret
fuck me i LOVE xiu xiu. there is the complication and understated brilliance to this man and his band...to me they are this amazing juxtaposition of crazy loud noise and then the quiestest whispers. to me this is music for true love and broken hearts and wild sex. http://xiuxiu.org/ for more fantastical information on one of the greatest bands ever!
and...
cursive - the difference between houses and homes (lost songs and loose ends 1995-2001)
man, i just love cursive. the ugly organ is one of the greatest records ever. i got this record mostly because cursive is finished and i need new stuff as long as possible. it's a bit screamy (as their old stuff tends to be...) but i like it and a lot of these songs signal the brilliance that was to come post domestica! ahh cursive. www.saddle-creek.com for more info.
recordings aside i have also had a brilliant week of live music listening as well. actually, that's not entirely true. last thursday i went to kid606 at the victory lounge and whilst i was expecting a glorious spazzy noise set i was instead bombarded with a vaguely drum and bass (read: ugh) sounding set. to be honest it was a bit boring. a friend of mine couldn't be there and he told me to shed tears and have a candlelight vigil for his absence at what promised to be a kick ass fucking show. it wasn't. no candlelight vigil required. no tears shed. so sad.
so jump forwards to tuesday and the scene show of the year (or the summer at least): chromeo (www.chromeo.net) with local dance punk bad boys (hee hee) SHOUT OUT OUT OUT OUT! (http://www.nrmlswlcmrcrds.com/) yeah man, shout out out out out kick some serious ass. and it's so nice to see all the scenesters dance. i didn't even bring a purse so i could dance.
chromeo was a bit of a let down. a lot of pretense but they just didn't deliver. i like them as a band and they are good but the vocoder and all the jazzy little tech tricks just make me mad after a while when there isn't much backing it up. i felt like they just weren't living up to their own hype and their own ability. whatever. they were still good and i still got all sweaty and still bought their album. what i really wished though was that shout out out out out had put their album out on cd because i don't have a working record player right now and i want to hear their album! so sad.
the one thing that did sort of suck about the show was that my darling friend llewelyn (www.stillfalling.blogspot.com) didn't have fun. this was her first experience with the starlite room and the 'scene' or whatever in general. the thing that was too bad was that it wasn't scene kids who ruined the show for her, it was some shitty chromeo uber-fans who forget that other people are there too.
i guess this is a show pet peeve...people do need to have more respect for their fellow show-goers. especially the ones who aren't very tall. everyone has the right to enjoy the music and their experience at the show but not at the expense of other people. my biggest pet peeve is the morons who stand behind you (at the front of the stage) and feel compelled to chat their way through the show. boys, starlite room is a large venue with some nice plushy booths at the back. you can still here the music and chat without me having to listen to you talk about 'fat chicks' and the band at the same time.
so ok. fast forward again to friday night and our little cast field trip to see motherfucking lazersnake and the vertical struts.
i wanted this to be a cast field trip because i wanted my actors to learn about communication and no one communicates on stage the way musicians do...specifically the way tortoise do but we couldn't go to that show so this would have to do. too bad none of the actors were there but kelsie, skye and i had a blast!
the show opened a rock and roll puppet show a la the fantastic led zimmerman from hollywood california. now, can anyone honestly tell me that a show that opens with a puppet show isn't going to be AWESOME? no. sorry, you can't. this show was AWESOME! lazersnake are ridiculously wonderful and fucking hilarious. i wish you could hear them right now because i can't explain them as a band. the generic words that i would use like glitch, dance punk, ironic postmodern revery...they just don't describe...they just can't describe. also, this was their demo release party and the demo was FREE...i love free shit!
the vertical struts are one of my favourite bands...spazzy guitar/drums goodness. the raymond beisinger sweats and rocks out all over the stage and it's uber-fantastic. (www.verticalstruts.com , www.fifteen.ca) i am not sure kelsie and skye were too down with the struts because they are a bit louder than the lovely lazersnake but i dug it and all in all i think we had a great time.
i love how music is taking over my life right now. i'm meeting so many cool people and it's totally changing my perspective on theatre and the creation of art in general. i know how that sounds but it's true. the energy that is so evident in live music is seriously missing in live theatre. it's insane how lacking!
anyhow, that's what i got.
hope you're all exceedingly well.
kisses,
michelle.
*before i start, i am too lazy to do the html code shit to make real links so instead i just wrote out the actual websites. they're still links but far less fancy*
welcome to sunday afternoon. i am waiting for my dad to come by with a new bookshelf for us. it's hard to be as well read as i am and have space for all the books. jokes kids. this bookshelf is for dvd's! ha ha!
anyhow, this week/weekend has been ALL about music for me. yeah, sure i've been rehearsing and it finally seems to be on it's way to something worth possibly considering watching at some point.
ok. so all about music i said right. so if we go back to last saturday i had a good day of purchasing some new musical goodness. i got some kick ass goodness.
the most serence republic - underwater cinematographer
ironically enough they played here last saturday and the word on the street is that this is one of the best albums of the year. it's really gorgeous...lush, sweeping and totally gorgeous. i am in love with this album. check out www.arts-crafts.ca for more info on this band and all the other awesome bands on arts & crafts records.
xiu xiu- la foret
fuck me i LOVE xiu xiu. there is the complication and understated brilliance to this man and his band...to me they are this amazing juxtaposition of crazy loud noise and then the quiestest whispers. to me this is music for true love and broken hearts and wild sex. http://xiuxiu.org/ for more fantastical information on one of the greatest bands ever!
and...
cursive - the difference between houses and homes (lost songs and loose ends 1995-2001)
man, i just love cursive. the ugly organ is one of the greatest records ever. i got this record mostly because cursive is finished and i need new stuff as long as possible. it's a bit screamy (as their old stuff tends to be...) but i like it and a lot of these songs signal the brilliance that was to come post domestica! ahh cursive. www.saddle-creek.com for more info.
recordings aside i have also had a brilliant week of live music listening as well. actually, that's not entirely true. last thursday i went to kid606 at the victory lounge and whilst i was expecting a glorious spazzy noise set i was instead bombarded with a vaguely drum and bass (read: ugh) sounding set. to be honest it was a bit boring. a friend of mine couldn't be there and he told me to shed tears and have a candlelight vigil for his absence at what promised to be a kick ass fucking show. it wasn't. no candlelight vigil required. no tears shed. so sad.
so jump forwards to tuesday and the scene show of the year (or the summer at least): chromeo (www.chromeo.net) with local dance punk bad boys (hee hee) SHOUT OUT OUT OUT OUT! (http://www.nrmlswlcmrcrds.com/) yeah man, shout out out out out kick some serious ass. and it's so nice to see all the scenesters dance. i didn't even bring a purse so i could dance.
chromeo was a bit of a let down. a lot of pretense but they just didn't deliver. i like them as a band and they are good but the vocoder and all the jazzy little tech tricks just make me mad after a while when there isn't much backing it up. i felt like they just weren't living up to their own hype and their own ability. whatever. they were still good and i still got all sweaty and still bought their album. what i really wished though was that shout out out out out had put their album out on cd because i don't have a working record player right now and i want to hear their album! so sad.
the one thing that did sort of suck about the show was that my darling friend llewelyn (www.stillfalling.blogspot.com) didn't have fun. this was her first experience with the starlite room and the 'scene' or whatever in general. the thing that was too bad was that it wasn't scene kids who ruined the show for her, it was some shitty chromeo uber-fans who forget that other people are there too.
i guess this is a show pet peeve...people do need to have more respect for their fellow show-goers. especially the ones who aren't very tall. everyone has the right to enjoy the music and their experience at the show but not at the expense of other people. my biggest pet peeve is the morons who stand behind you (at the front of the stage) and feel compelled to chat their way through the show. boys, starlite room is a large venue with some nice plushy booths at the back. you can still here the music and chat without me having to listen to you talk about 'fat chicks' and the band at the same time.
so ok. fast forward again to friday night and our little cast field trip to see motherfucking lazersnake and the vertical struts.
i wanted this to be a cast field trip because i wanted my actors to learn about communication and no one communicates on stage the way musicians do...specifically the way tortoise do but we couldn't go to that show so this would have to do. too bad none of the actors were there but kelsie, skye and i had a blast!
the show opened a rock and roll puppet show a la the fantastic led zimmerman from hollywood california. now, can anyone honestly tell me that a show that opens with a puppet show isn't going to be AWESOME? no. sorry, you can't. this show was AWESOME! lazersnake are ridiculously wonderful and fucking hilarious. i wish you could hear them right now because i can't explain them as a band. the generic words that i would use like glitch, dance punk, ironic postmodern revery...they just don't describe...they just can't describe. also, this was their demo release party and the demo was FREE...i love free shit!
the vertical struts are one of my favourite bands...spazzy guitar/drums goodness. the raymond beisinger sweats and rocks out all over the stage and it's uber-fantastic. (www.verticalstruts.com , www.fifteen.ca) i am not sure kelsie and skye were too down with the struts because they are a bit louder than the lovely lazersnake but i dug it and all in all i think we had a great time.
i love how music is taking over my life right now. i'm meeting so many cool people and it's totally changing my perspective on theatre and the creation of art in general. i know how that sounds but it's true. the energy that is so evident in live music is seriously missing in live theatre. it's insane how lacking!
anyhow, that's what i got.
hope you're all exceedingly well.
kisses,
michelle.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
only i am allowed to be a whore
hey fuckfaces,
don't whore your shitty shit all over my blog comments and think you can make it ok by calling me a good writer.
FUCK YOU!
don't whore your shitty shit all over my blog comments and think you can make it ok by calling me a good writer.
FUCK YOU!
Monday, August 15, 2005
being old sucks!
ok, so i will 24 years old in exactly 27 sleeps. about a month ago i started to feel like perhaps it was time to take some control of my adult life. university is finished. i travelled. i fell in love (twice). i had my heart broken (twice).
so last month i said a tearful goodbye to the plush couches and infinate television channels of my mothers condo in the suburbs and moved out...out into the adult world of more debt than i care to think about and smoking copious amounts of pot whenever i feel like it right in my motherfucking living-room.
that being said, i still work for my dad.
it was an easy thing to do. he needed someone to sit around and slack off all day and i hate looking for jobs. done and done. i worked for him for a few months, saved some cash, and then took off for a few months to travel and have sex with young republicans in hostels. but that too came to an end so i came back home and back to work in this grimy small office with nothing but the internet and the occasional ring of the telephone to keep me company.
it's terrible. if i were being honest with myself, which i rarely am, i hate my job. i find any excuse i can to be late for work, to leave early, to do whatever...boredom is only exciting for a little while...but being here also keeps me from finding a real job.
now, let's be clear though, i do more than just sit here with my thumb up my ass. i recently started my own theatre company and am currently directing and producing our first show...however, this little passionate endevour makes me no money...in fact, it costs me money!
so, ok...i am sitting here last week being bored and checking my email for the millioneth time that hour when something interesting appears in my inbox. it's a job posting for an administrative position at an ACTUAL THEATRE COMPANY...something actually in my field...HOLY FUCK!
so i am going to apply for this job. the deadline is friday and i am looking forward to writing the cover letter and bragging about my passion for independent theatre and all that jazz but at the same time...
i'm a little scared. i haven't had a 'real' job in more than 2 years (i didn't work my last year of school) and i am not sure i remember how to work in a place where people care what i do with my day. sure, today i'm annoyed because i can't get off at work but a month from now i might not even be able to do tell the entire internet about how i annoyed i am...
being an adult is fucking stressful!
oh, and don't even get me started on the thought of applying for grad school and moving to chicago!
m.
so last month i said a tearful goodbye to the plush couches and infinate television channels of my mothers condo in the suburbs and moved out...out into the adult world of more debt than i care to think about and smoking copious amounts of pot whenever i feel like it right in my motherfucking living-room.
that being said, i still work for my dad.
it was an easy thing to do. he needed someone to sit around and slack off all day and i hate looking for jobs. done and done. i worked for him for a few months, saved some cash, and then took off for a few months to travel and have sex with young republicans in hostels. but that too came to an end so i came back home and back to work in this grimy small office with nothing but the internet and the occasional ring of the telephone to keep me company.
it's terrible. if i were being honest with myself, which i rarely am, i hate my job. i find any excuse i can to be late for work, to leave early, to do whatever...boredom is only exciting for a little while...but being here also keeps me from finding a real job.
now, let's be clear though, i do more than just sit here with my thumb up my ass. i recently started my own theatre company and am currently directing and producing our first show...however, this little passionate endevour makes me no money...in fact, it costs me money!
so, ok...i am sitting here last week being bored and checking my email for the millioneth time that hour when something interesting appears in my inbox. it's a job posting for an administrative position at an ACTUAL THEATRE COMPANY...something actually in my field...HOLY FUCK!
so i am going to apply for this job. the deadline is friday and i am looking forward to writing the cover letter and bragging about my passion for independent theatre and all that jazz but at the same time...
i'm a little scared. i haven't had a 'real' job in more than 2 years (i didn't work my last year of school) and i am not sure i remember how to work in a place where people care what i do with my day. sure, today i'm annoyed because i can't get off at work but a month from now i might not even be able to do tell the entire internet about how i annoyed i am...
being an adult is fucking stressful!
oh, and don't even get me started on the thought of applying for grad school and moving to chicago!
m.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
damn it feels good to be a yuppie
man.
i fucking LOVE the yuppie pricks.
you should too.
"american psycho hardcore with a wicked sense of humour"
check this shit out!
for reals motherfuckers.
do it!
h
o
t
f
u
c
k
m.
i fucking LOVE the yuppie pricks.
you should too.
"american psycho hardcore with a wicked sense of humour"
check this shit out!
for reals motherfuckers.
do it!
h
o
t
f
u
c
k
m.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
michelle's misplaced rage...
ok. so as a member of the human race living in edmonton it is in my genetic predisposition to HATE telus and all things associated with their shitty customer service...
but here's the thing, no one ever gets to deal directly with telus. in the case of phone service you have to deal with either the internet or some poor underpaid (and now striking) kid...the actual beuracracy remains untouchable. in the case of cell service most of the time, or in my experience you have to deal with an independent retailer commisioned to sell telus cell service.
this is when i rage. i know it's not the fault of the employees who work at edmonton cellular and is entirely the fault of the mega-shitheads at telus itself but god goddamn why do they have to make everything so fucking difficult...i have walked into one of those stores on 4 seperate occasions...each time i left full of rage and the overwhelming desire to kill a kitten or something...or, not a kitten but an edmonton cellular employee for sure...
anyhow, this morning came and meant another trip to edmonton cellular. see, i have been using my cell phone too much and need to up my plan minutes...so i go in there with my dad/boss (the phone is registered to the company so he has to be there to make changes-a discovery from a previous battle) and i was ready for battle.
but stupid telus...i expect the worst and what do i get? some of the best fucking customer service i have had in months...easy, quick, dude didn't try to upsell me on a bigger plan...nothing...all i got was kindness and simplicity. the two things i least expected.
so then what do i do...i have all this pent up energy that i was expecting to be able to take out on some unwitting edmonton cellular employee and then blog about how annoyed i was and then go eat some cookies or something...
now what i am i supposed to do with all this rage? blog about how i couldn't get the rage out...
WHAT THE HELL?
actually, i did get a bit of the rage out earlier this afternoon because this dude came into work and whenever he comes in he makes me horribly uncomfortable and i always want to take a shower after he goes.
he's one of those guys who's scamming all the time, who comes too close when he talks to you and just FEELS inappropriate the entire time he's around you...
so it wasn't exactly a spot for my misplaced telus rage but at least i had somewhere to put the bad feeling i expected to have this morning...
thank god for creepy freaks to get rid of unused telus rage!
m.
but here's the thing, no one ever gets to deal directly with telus. in the case of phone service you have to deal with either the internet or some poor underpaid (and now striking) kid...the actual beuracracy remains untouchable. in the case of cell service most of the time, or in my experience you have to deal with an independent retailer commisioned to sell telus cell service.
this is when i rage. i know it's not the fault of the employees who work at edmonton cellular and is entirely the fault of the mega-shitheads at telus itself but god goddamn why do they have to make everything so fucking difficult...i have walked into one of those stores on 4 seperate occasions...each time i left full of rage and the overwhelming desire to kill a kitten or something...or, not a kitten but an edmonton cellular employee for sure...
anyhow, this morning came and meant another trip to edmonton cellular. see, i have been using my cell phone too much and need to up my plan minutes...so i go in there with my dad/boss (the phone is registered to the company so he has to be there to make changes-a discovery from a previous battle) and i was ready for battle.
but stupid telus...i expect the worst and what do i get? some of the best fucking customer service i have had in months...easy, quick, dude didn't try to upsell me on a bigger plan...nothing...all i got was kindness and simplicity. the two things i least expected.
so then what do i do...i have all this pent up energy that i was expecting to be able to take out on some unwitting edmonton cellular employee and then blog about how annoyed i was and then go eat some cookies or something...
now what i am i supposed to do with all this rage? blog about how i couldn't get the rage out...
WHAT THE HELL?
actually, i did get a bit of the rage out earlier this afternoon because this dude came into work and whenever he comes in he makes me horribly uncomfortable and i always want to take a shower after he goes.
he's one of those guys who's scamming all the time, who comes too close when he talks to you and just FEELS inappropriate the entire time he's around you...
so it wasn't exactly a spot for my misplaced telus rage but at least i had somewhere to put the bad feeling i expected to have this morning...
thank god for creepy freaks to get rid of unused telus rage!
m.
Monday, August 08, 2005
summer lovin' had me a blast!
music and sunshine...what more could a girl want...
...hmmm.
so this past weekend i lost my virginity.
my folk fest virginity...get your mind out of the gutter...
a weekend of sunshine, good friends, random people i haven't seen for ages and surprises of the musical variety.
some of the real highlights for me were not what i expected (ie: the weakerthans) but those whom i hadn't expected: oscar lopez, wendy mcneill, danny michel, thea gilmore, eliza gilkerson (sp?), and josh ritter. josh ritter was so cute and a fantastic singer/songwriter who laughs a little too long at his own jokes and plays really well written songs...i totally dug his shit.
my love martha wainwright and the fantastic steve earle were as to be expected: fantastic!
oh, and ryan adams: when he wasn't being an asshole or jerking off with ten minute guitar solos...he was GREAT!
the thing that i really love about all these fesitvals (even warped tour) is that there you are walking around with your green onion cakes when suddenly you bump into someone you haven't seen for months. someone you like, someone it's always fun to bump into. you chat and you catch up and you promise to call and you know you never will but you know that just when you're thinking about calling them you bump into them.
so cool caitlin, it was good to see you. i am sure we'll chat at fringe...
while there two other things struck me:
1) i want to get the hell outta edmonton for a little while. i have been back for about 7 months and it feels like it's been years. as i was sitting there on that hill listening to john prine last night i looked up and saw a plane and i was struck by an overwhelming desire to be on that plane. if it was an alien space ship i would have wanted it to suck me up into it and take me whereever it was going...after folk fest of course.
and
2) (and this is in direct opposition to my desire to NOT be in town) i want a sweeping romantic gesture. i want to be wanted. i am a catch. i am. i'm funny. i'm kind. i'm clean. i like sex. it's funny because i am not usually the girl who wants to be with someone...i am good at being on my own, i usually like it; but sitting there on that hill with mary and adam all in love and shit and listening to all these folk singers sing songs about love and knowing what my own 'romantic situation' is and what i want it to be...or whatever...i was just struck and sitting on that stupid hill and i started crying...motherfuck!
why am i even talking about this. i guess it's because i made some decisions recently and i am feeling sad/rejuvenated by them...
meh.
michelle.
...hmmm.
so this past weekend i lost my virginity.
my folk fest virginity...get your mind out of the gutter...
a weekend of sunshine, good friends, random people i haven't seen for ages and surprises of the musical variety.
some of the real highlights for me were not what i expected (ie: the weakerthans) but those whom i hadn't expected: oscar lopez, wendy mcneill, danny michel, thea gilmore, eliza gilkerson (sp?), and josh ritter. josh ritter was so cute and a fantastic singer/songwriter who laughs a little too long at his own jokes and plays really well written songs...i totally dug his shit.
my love martha wainwright and the fantastic steve earle were as to be expected: fantastic!
oh, and ryan adams: when he wasn't being an asshole or jerking off with ten minute guitar solos...he was GREAT!
the thing that i really love about all these fesitvals (even warped tour) is that there you are walking around with your green onion cakes when suddenly you bump into someone you haven't seen for months. someone you like, someone it's always fun to bump into. you chat and you catch up and you promise to call and you know you never will but you know that just when you're thinking about calling them you bump into them.
so cool caitlin, it was good to see you. i am sure we'll chat at fringe...
while there two other things struck me:
1) i want to get the hell outta edmonton for a little while. i have been back for about 7 months and it feels like it's been years. as i was sitting there on that hill listening to john prine last night i looked up and saw a plane and i was struck by an overwhelming desire to be on that plane. if it was an alien space ship i would have wanted it to suck me up into it and take me whereever it was going...after folk fest of course.
and
2) (and this is in direct opposition to my desire to NOT be in town) i want a sweeping romantic gesture. i want to be wanted. i am a catch. i am. i'm funny. i'm kind. i'm clean. i like sex. it's funny because i am not usually the girl who wants to be with someone...i am good at being on my own, i usually like it; but sitting there on that hill with mary and adam all in love and shit and listening to all these folk singers sing songs about love and knowing what my own 'romantic situation' is and what i want it to be...or whatever...i was just struck and sitting on that stupid hill and i started crying...motherfuck!
why am i even talking about this. i guess it's because i made some decisions recently and i am feeling sad/rejuvenated by them...
meh.
michelle.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
joanna newsom makes me smile!
her voice is just so incredible.
anyhow, that is not the point of what i wanted to say...
dear everyone who isn't me and perhaps five or six other people,
please do not leave your homes. the world, despite what you may think, does not revolve around you, and you are starting to invade my personal living space.
i cannot walk or drive without you almost killing me. i cannot sleep without you drunkenly screaming outside my window. i cannot buy a tea without you rudely ripping the money from my hand and i cannot enjoy life without your awkward presence all around me.
just fuck off, watch where you're driving and walking and running and cycling and yelling and if you're having a bad day at your lousy job please try and remember that i might also have had a lousy day at a lousy job.
the world, asshole, does NOT revolve around you and until you figure that out it's probably better if you stayed indoors.
with love,
michelle.
anyhow, that is not the point of what i wanted to say...
dear everyone who isn't me and perhaps five or six other people,
please do not leave your homes. the world, despite what you may think, does not revolve around you, and you are starting to invade my personal living space.
i cannot walk or drive without you almost killing me. i cannot sleep without you drunkenly screaming outside my window. i cannot buy a tea without you rudely ripping the money from my hand and i cannot enjoy life without your awkward presence all around me.
just fuck off, watch where you're driving and walking and running and cycling and yelling and if you're having a bad day at your lousy job please try and remember that i might also have had a lousy day at a lousy job.
the world, asshole, does NOT revolve around you and until you figure that out it's probably better if you stayed indoors.
with love,
michelle.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
tetnus boosted!
i am a useless person!
serioulsy.
apparently i have ABSOLUTELY no control over my body...none!
last night i went with my sis to nigel's to watch queer as folk.
i just have to say, as a side note, that if that was the final episode then boo! what a crappy final episode!!
anyhow, so the show's over, i'm tired and nigel wants a smoke so we head down his rather slippery wood stairs to say adios and smoke. upon arrival i had warned my sister that the steps were slippery and that she had better be careful not to fall.
MICHELLE, HEAD YOUR OWN ADVICE!
crash! michelle is one her side tumbling down the stairs finally landing in a little clump of dirty and blood and gravel at the bottom of the stairs. so sad. i cry, i bleed, i yell at nigel and rachel (i am bad a being hurt) and then i finally head home.
i clean my cuts, of which there are many (my right foot, right calf, right thigh and right forarm are all road rashed) and then decide (after fighting with rachel about it) to go to emergency just in case i have a concussion.
i didn't have a concussion (of course); i didn't loose conciousness and i was totally coherant but they cleaned me up proper and boosted my tetnus.
here's the funny thing: i was so scared of how much that needle was going to hurt and that i was going to have a death allergic reaction to the tetnus...how could that needle hurt? i have been tattooed a bunch of times and have both NIPPLES pierced...jesus, it didn't hurt at all...and obviously i am still very much alive. ha ha!
kick ass michelle, way to be in control!
m.
serioulsy.
apparently i have ABSOLUTELY no control over my body...none!
last night i went with my sis to nigel's to watch queer as folk.
i just have to say, as a side note, that if that was the final episode then boo! what a crappy final episode!!
anyhow, so the show's over, i'm tired and nigel wants a smoke so we head down his rather slippery wood stairs to say adios and smoke. upon arrival i had warned my sister that the steps were slippery and that she had better be careful not to fall.
MICHELLE, HEAD YOUR OWN ADVICE!
crash! michelle is one her side tumbling down the stairs finally landing in a little clump of dirty and blood and gravel at the bottom of the stairs. so sad. i cry, i bleed, i yell at nigel and rachel (i am bad a being hurt) and then i finally head home.
i clean my cuts, of which there are many (my right foot, right calf, right thigh and right forarm are all road rashed) and then decide (after fighting with rachel about it) to go to emergency just in case i have a concussion.
i didn't have a concussion (of course); i didn't loose conciousness and i was totally coherant but they cleaned me up proper and boosted my tetnus.
here's the funny thing: i was so scared of how much that needle was going to hurt and that i was going to have a death allergic reaction to the tetnus...how could that needle hurt? i have been tattooed a bunch of times and have both NIPPLES pierced...jesus, it didn't hurt at all...and obviously i am still very much alive. ha ha!
kick ass michelle, way to be in control!
m.
the wedding...
it's funny because with all this year of build-up and drama over tattoos and piercings and money and dresses and food and favours the wedding happened and it's over and i don't have much to say about it other than that it was amazing and fun and i am so happy for lindsay.
it all went off without a hitch.
i made a very fantastic speech...and by fantastic i mean that i made everyone cry...and then when all the official stuff was over i got smashed at the dance, survived a near fatal pseudo high school reunion and danced the night away.
sunday morning was a bit of a challenge and gift openings are HELL ON EARTH (especially since it was hot as hell on lindsay's deck) and i got a little heat stroke to go with my hangover...
but all in all it was wonderful and i refuse to complain about the giant fucking blister i got as a result!
xo m.
it all went off without a hitch.
i made a very fantastic speech...and by fantastic i mean that i made everyone cry...and then when all the official stuff was over i got smashed at the dance, survived a near fatal pseudo high school reunion and danced the night away.
sunday morning was a bit of a challenge and gift openings are HELL ON EARTH (especially since it was hot as hell on lindsay's deck) and i got a little heat stroke to go with my hangover...
but all in all it was wonderful and i refuse to complain about the giant fucking blister i got as a result!
xo m.
the tattoo saga pt. 8
man, i am so fucking pumped about this shit:
i met my with my new tattoo artist this past friday to have a little chatski about my sleeve...that's right kids: A FULL SLEEVE!
i will now be getting inked (hee hee) at urge tattoos on jasper avenue and 96st. by a lovely gentlemen called johnny.
he was really cool because not only was he pumped about my idea but he offered up such dynamic suggestions for how to make it look incredible...the man knows his shit! YEAH!
so it should be getting started nearish to the beginning of september and should be done many months after that...
SUPER FUCKING COOL!
the only sort of bad/amusing thing that happened was he sat me down to chat and sort of draw it out on my arm and as he was about half way done a really rough sketch i realised that i had to be a part of lindsay's wedding the following afternoon...brown sharpie and a green dress wouldn't necessarily look bad together but red wouldn't go...and i could be all but guarenteed that lindsay would make me bleed...
so he takes as much off with alcohol as he can but is impressed with how difficult it is to get it off...apparently my skin hold ink very well which is a plus for him. when i got home i scrubbed it with the rough side of a sponge and some grease cutting dish soap...it hurt like hell but i got it off and no blood was spilt.
YEAH for sleeves!
m.
i met my with my new tattoo artist this past friday to have a little chatski about my sleeve...that's right kids: A FULL SLEEVE!
i will now be getting inked (hee hee) at urge tattoos on jasper avenue and 96st. by a lovely gentlemen called johnny.
he was really cool because not only was he pumped about my idea but he offered up such dynamic suggestions for how to make it look incredible...the man knows his shit! YEAH!
so it should be getting started nearish to the beginning of september and should be done many months after that...
SUPER FUCKING COOL!
the only sort of bad/amusing thing that happened was he sat me down to chat and sort of draw it out on my arm and as he was about half way done a really rough sketch i realised that i had to be a part of lindsay's wedding the following afternoon...brown sharpie and a green dress wouldn't necessarily look bad together but red wouldn't go...and i could be all but guarenteed that lindsay would make me bleed...
so he takes as much off with alcohol as he can but is impressed with how difficult it is to get it off...apparently my skin hold ink very well which is a plus for him. when i got home i scrubbed it with the rough side of a sponge and some grease cutting dish soap...it hurt like hell but i got it off and no blood was spilt.
YEAH for sleeves!
m.
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