i am over-zealous and scared ALL the time
i want to go on adventures with strangers
i want my heart broken and fixed so many times i lose count
i want to paint my fingernails white and slide down banisters and drink boys under the table
i want my eyes and my heart to make me feel beautiful. my arm is to be the icing...
i want tape hiss and electronic drone to be required elements for living
i want to wake up smelling that smell
i want to never be afraid to say 'i love you' (even to friends)
i want to never be afraid and to always be afraid.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
the tattoo saga pt. 11
so i got tattooed again today!
whoo hoo!
i don't have much to say about it. it hurt and i bled more today than last time.
i feel so happy. it's so gorgeous.
i'll let the photos speak for themselves...
so that's the tattoo as of november 21, 2005
again: art by johnny at urge2. photos mine!
xo michelle.
whoo hoo!
i don't have much to say about it. it hurt and i bled more today than last time.
i feel so happy. it's so gorgeous.
i'll let the photos speak for themselves...
so that's the tattoo as of november 21, 2005
again: art by johnny at urge2. photos mine!
xo michelle.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
and one more thing...
you're insane if you don't read this blog:
american short-timer
my friend charles told about it. he's writing a play about the war. i'm not sure how i feel about that but whatever... this blog is pretty intense.
it'll be permanently linked over there on the right too so check it-no matter what your perspective on war is i think it's worth a look.
xo michelle.
american short-timer
my friend charles told about it. he's writing a play about the war. i'm not sure how i feel about that but whatever... this blog is pretty intense.
it'll be permanently linked over there on the right too so check it-no matter what your perspective on war is i think it's worth a look.
xo michelle.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
at this EXACT moment i HATE that i am at work
transcipt of an unfair msn conversation with someone i've been 'intimate' with (and wouldn't mind being intimate with again):
me: i am soooooo bored.
him: me too. you at home?
me: nope. at work. i wish i was at home.
him: me too *wink*
me: now i REALLY wish i was at home.
him: me too. i have a lot of aggression to get rid of.
me: *sigh*
i hate my life sometimes. instead of getting laid i am blogging about how, at this exact second, i could be.
fuck!
xo m.
me: i am soooooo bored.
him: me too. you at home?
me: nope. at work. i wish i was at home.
him: me too *wink*
me: now i REALLY wish i was at home.
him: me too. i have a lot of aggression to get rid of.
me: *sigh*
i hate my life sometimes. instead of getting laid i am blogging about how, at this exact second, i could be.
fuck!
xo m.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
"fucked without a kiss again..."
a call out of nowhere invites me to the screening of the new green day dvd. i jump at the chance! sure, it would be good to see tanya again-it had been a long time but mostly...I FUCKING LOVE GREEN DAY!
even before nirvana.
since i was 11 or 12 years old i have been a green day fan. that's HALF MY LIFE! for half my life i have loved this band. unabashedly and without embarassment. i'll cop to listening to matthew dear and green day without a hint of embarassment or any fucking irony!
god, it makes me so joyful! the fact that i see kids half my age discovering a band that just might do for them what they did for me. sure, they're a gigantic band now compared to who they were when i found them but it's still the same. it's still just three guys speaking up for the kids to scared to speak for themselves. it's still strength behind the headphones when you're walking down the hall avoiding everyone.
that's where it take me back to: those days when i'd go to school so afraid to be myself. so hidden behind looking and talking like everyone else. shit, i learnt to accept and embrace the parts of me that weren't like everyone else BECAUSE of punk rock. i know it's cheesy and i never wore bondage pants or had a mohawk but i still got it. i still get it.
green day led me to operation ivy, led me to rancid...a whole new world. (this isn't even scratching the surface of what nirvana did but that's a whole other story!)
so now i am 24. i saw green day live for the first time this year (i was grounded the last time they were here in '98) and it all came rushing back...i was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15...singing along to all EVERY SINGLE SONG remembering how good it felt to have that to come home to when someone at school called me fat or a freak or whatever...when my friends had boyfriends and i didn't...whatever, it felt soooooooooooo great!
tonight was no exception. the show used in the dvd was part of the same tour i'd seen and so i closed my eyes and i was back at that show, back feeling like i was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15...
i still feel fantastic right now!
last saturday i was walking down whyte ave and some fucking hick in town for the rodeo walks past me, looks me up and down, turns to his buddy and says, 'god, there ARE a lot of freaks on whyte ave.' without the world green day opened up for me i'd never have been able to be proud of the fact that some fucking hick called me a freak!
even before nirvana.
since i was 11 or 12 years old i have been a green day fan. that's HALF MY LIFE! for half my life i have loved this band. unabashedly and without embarassment. i'll cop to listening to matthew dear and green day without a hint of embarassment or any fucking irony!
god, it makes me so joyful! the fact that i see kids half my age discovering a band that just might do for them what they did for me. sure, they're a gigantic band now compared to who they were when i found them but it's still the same. it's still just three guys speaking up for the kids to scared to speak for themselves. it's still strength behind the headphones when you're walking down the hall avoiding everyone.
that's where it take me back to: those days when i'd go to school so afraid to be myself. so hidden behind looking and talking like everyone else. shit, i learnt to accept and embrace the parts of me that weren't like everyone else BECAUSE of punk rock. i know it's cheesy and i never wore bondage pants or had a mohawk but i still got it. i still get it.
green day led me to operation ivy, led me to rancid...a whole new world. (this isn't even scratching the surface of what nirvana did but that's a whole other story!)
so now i am 24. i saw green day live for the first time this year (i was grounded the last time they were here in '98) and it all came rushing back...i was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15...singing along to all EVERY SINGLE SONG remembering how good it felt to have that to come home to when someone at school called me fat or a freak or whatever...when my friends had boyfriends and i didn't...whatever, it felt soooooooooooo great!
tonight was no exception. the show used in the dvd was part of the same tour i'd seen and so i closed my eyes and i was back at that show, back feeling like i was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15...
i still feel fantastic right now!
last saturday i was walking down whyte ave and some fucking hick in town for the rodeo walks past me, looks me up and down, turns to his buddy and says, 'god, there ARE a lot of freaks on whyte ave.' without the world green day opened up for me i'd never have been able to be proud of the fact that some fucking hick called me a freak!
the utility of beauty
i want the new gabriel garcia marquez novel
i want those three or four amazing vegan/vegetarian cookbooks i saw at the bookstore
i want to go to nin tonight.
i want an ibook
i want an electric piano with all 88 keys (my keyboard only has 66)
i want a guitar
i want millions of cds.
i want a whole new stereo system including a record player
i spend a lot of time wanting a lot of things but i don't (and won't) get a lot of these things because i'd rather get tattooed.
this surprised her, a friend of mine. she tells me her big purchases always have some kind of utalitarian purpose. i tell her it's naive to assume that my tattoo doesn't.
i tell her it makes me feel beautiful. she asks me if i think about that a lot.
do i think about feeling beautiful a lot? i don't, i suppose but i do when forced to, obviously.
i try to tell her it's different for her. perfect cheekbones, a tiny waist and a great ass-people think you're beautiful all the time. you tell me all the time about how beautiful people think you are. shit, i've heard you complain about how beautiful people think you are, or how annoyed you get when someone doesn't comment on how gorgeous you are or doesn't flirt with you. i am SURE the fact that he doesn't flirt with you is part of the reason why you don't like him.
i tried to explain to her that in my life i have felt beautiful twice. literally twice. twice before i got tattooed, that is. now i feel beautiful whenever i look at it. i feel beautiful when other people show it off. it's a part of me. it's like having perfect cheekbones.
so i'll probably get that marquez novel and a couple of cds. i am not going to nin tonight but i'll go to some cheaper shows and get fucking tattooed!
and that tattooing session will serve a necessary and utalitarian function-it'll do what i can't do on my own and that is fucking utility!
i want those three or four amazing vegan/vegetarian cookbooks i saw at the bookstore
i want to go to nin tonight.
i want an ibook
i want an electric piano with all 88 keys (my keyboard only has 66)
i want a guitar
i want millions of cds.
i want a whole new stereo system including a record player
i spend a lot of time wanting a lot of things but i don't (and won't) get a lot of these things because i'd rather get tattooed.
this surprised her, a friend of mine. she tells me her big purchases always have some kind of utalitarian purpose. i tell her it's naive to assume that my tattoo doesn't.
i tell her it makes me feel beautiful. she asks me if i think about that a lot.
do i think about feeling beautiful a lot? i don't, i suppose but i do when forced to, obviously.
i try to tell her it's different for her. perfect cheekbones, a tiny waist and a great ass-people think you're beautiful all the time. you tell me all the time about how beautiful people think you are. shit, i've heard you complain about how beautiful people think you are, or how annoyed you get when someone doesn't comment on how gorgeous you are or doesn't flirt with you. i am SURE the fact that he doesn't flirt with you is part of the reason why you don't like him.
i tried to explain to her that in my life i have felt beautiful twice. literally twice. twice before i got tattooed, that is. now i feel beautiful whenever i look at it. i feel beautiful when other people show it off. it's a part of me. it's like having perfect cheekbones.
so i'll probably get that marquez novel and a couple of cds. i am not going to nin tonight but i'll go to some cheaper shows and get fucking tattooed!
and that tattooing session will serve a necessary and utalitarian function-it'll do what i can't do on my own and that is fucking utility!
Thursday, November 10, 2005
you could write smut, michelle
or so i'm told. too bad it's too arty for hustler.
anyways. you know what i just fucking LOVE. i love those evening where you plan to meet up with someone, have some tea, catch up but mostly talk business and then something goes awry and you ending drinking way to much and spending three hours in a classy joint talking about sex! that was my night last night.
nigel and i had planned to meet over tea at the sugarbowl and chat about our fringe show and how we were going to pay for it. nigel was coming directly from rehearsal so he brought mike with him. mike's a cool guy so we decided instead of tea to have a beer. one beer turned into 5 and we ended up (after being joined by a couple of other people) sitting there talking about sex for hours. positions, technique, fetishes, experience...the whole shebang! everyone was drunk and it was awesome. i even got a hickey out of the deal! whoo hoo!
i just love when things don't come together as planned and the new course is 100 times more fun.
oh, and we got our work done too! whoo hoo!
when i got home i said embarassing things on msn and left embarassing comments of people's blogs but that's whole other story...
xo michelle.
anyways. you know what i just fucking LOVE. i love those evening where you plan to meet up with someone, have some tea, catch up but mostly talk business and then something goes awry and you ending drinking way to much and spending three hours in a classy joint talking about sex! that was my night last night.
nigel and i had planned to meet over tea at the sugarbowl and chat about our fringe show and how we were going to pay for it. nigel was coming directly from rehearsal so he brought mike with him. mike's a cool guy so we decided instead of tea to have a beer. one beer turned into 5 and we ended up (after being joined by a couple of other people) sitting there talking about sex for hours. positions, technique, fetishes, experience...the whole shebang! everyone was drunk and it was awesome. i even got a hickey out of the deal! whoo hoo!
i just love when things don't come together as planned and the new course is 100 times more fun.
oh, and we got our work done too! whoo hoo!
when i got home i said embarassing things on msn and left embarassing comments of people's blogs but that's whole other story...
xo michelle.
Monday, November 07, 2005
'punk' music videos suck!
ha ha! this post has nothing to do with that but seriously, why is it that in every video from some band that some record company has decided is 'punk' (ie: simple plan) are there all these punk kids used as the symbol for disaffected youth? like somehow eyeliner and suicide spikes are symbols of unhappiness. there must be more interesting ways to discuss teen angst than some cute little girl in combat boots sitting on an old couch in an alley looking sad and wearing a lot of eyeliner...god, isn't there?
anyways, the point of this post:
i am sick to death of the negative energy that people seem to relish in! ok, so i know i am not always the most positive person in the room but i attempt to not start every conversation with some generalized negative statement! it's too much for me to deal with at this point. i have been in a funk and i have been letting it get the better of me but i'm getting over it and i have NO patience for people who insist on bringing me down...
...and bringing other people down too!
oh, and please do not decide that you hate my friends based on the three times (and odd contexts) which you met them. if you gave people a chance to be awesome they'd probably prove themselves to be so...don't you think? i think!
let the chips fall where they may and if your saturday night doesn't evolve quite as you hoped it would take it in stride and maybe you'll have more fun than you expected, i know i did!
this is vague, i know. i don't feel like clarifying. there isn't a need for it.
the point is is that i had a great time on saturday night with two lovely people who are quickly becoming two of my favourite people and i refuse to let the negative attitudes of others ruin a good evening for me! you do your thing, and i'll do mine and it'll be good that way...right?
p.s. remember world, attractiveness is subjective and just because i think someone is cute doesn't mean you have to. nor does it mean that you have to tell me every six seconds how not cute that person is and then suggest that i'd rather hang out with them than you...cuz you know what, eventually i am going to want to hang out with them rather than you! cute or not!
anyways, the point of this post:
i am sick to death of the negative energy that people seem to relish in! ok, so i know i am not always the most positive person in the room but i attempt to not start every conversation with some generalized negative statement! it's too much for me to deal with at this point. i have been in a funk and i have been letting it get the better of me but i'm getting over it and i have NO patience for people who insist on bringing me down...
...and bringing other people down too!
oh, and please do not decide that you hate my friends based on the three times (and odd contexts) which you met them. if you gave people a chance to be awesome they'd probably prove themselves to be so...don't you think? i think!
let the chips fall where they may and if your saturday night doesn't evolve quite as you hoped it would take it in stride and maybe you'll have more fun than you expected, i know i did!
this is vague, i know. i don't feel like clarifying. there isn't a need for it.
the point is is that i had a great time on saturday night with two lovely people who are quickly becoming two of my favourite people and i refuse to let the negative attitudes of others ruin a good evening for me! you do your thing, and i'll do mine and it'll be good that way...right?
p.s. remember world, attractiveness is subjective and just because i think someone is cute doesn't mean you have to. nor does it mean that you have to tell me every six seconds how not cute that person is and then suggest that i'd rather hang out with them than you...cuz you know what, eventually i am going to want to hang out with them rather than you! cute or not!
the trouble with pseudonyms
...ever seen the movie 'closer'?
there is something to be said for the name 'alice'. i think we're all a bit fucked. or alice's are a bit fucked. perhaps it's the desire to live up to wonderland. i'm not sure.
anyways, i was thinking about that. since i decided there would be people who knew me as alice and places where i was only and always alice; most of the alice's in pop culture are pretty fucked. even my alice, from tom waits' 'alice' isn't all that...together...
the point is. we need that don't we. a side of ourselves that can be whatever it wants to be because on some level it doesn't exist. if you meet me and i tell you i am called alice then you'll meet alice. you'll meet all the parts of michelle that alice isn't afraid of. alice is the girl who likes one night stands with strangers and making a mess of her surroundings and telling people what she really thinks...
but what if i meet someone and i decide they need to meet alice and then i like them and i want them to meet michelle and they meet her and decide they don't like her?
i'm not being self-concious or crazy here. there is a part of me that alice controls. there is a world out there that none of you are part of, and alice occupies that world. we don't go there very much but when we do we're freer. we're less afraid that maybe people won't like us. we have less stomach aches prior to social interaction. why can't michelle just do that?
i want people to want michelle the way they want alice.
there is something to be said for the name 'alice'. i think we're all a bit fucked. or alice's are a bit fucked. perhaps it's the desire to live up to wonderland. i'm not sure.
anyways, i was thinking about that. since i decided there would be people who knew me as alice and places where i was only and always alice; most of the alice's in pop culture are pretty fucked. even my alice, from tom waits' 'alice' isn't all that...together...
the point is. we need that don't we. a side of ourselves that can be whatever it wants to be because on some level it doesn't exist. if you meet me and i tell you i am called alice then you'll meet alice. you'll meet all the parts of michelle that alice isn't afraid of. alice is the girl who likes one night stands with strangers and making a mess of her surroundings and telling people what she really thinks...
but what if i meet someone and i decide they need to meet alice and then i like them and i want them to meet michelle and they meet her and decide they don't like her?
i'm not being self-concious or crazy here. there is a part of me that alice controls. there is a world out there that none of you are part of, and alice occupies that world. we don't go there very much but when we do we're freer. we're less afraid that maybe people won't like us. we have less stomach aches prior to social interaction. why can't michelle just do that?
i want people to want michelle the way they want alice.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
wow!
wow readers,
you've got a LOT of personal information over the past few days...
sorry about that.
i used to think i hated the movie 'almost famous'.
the other day i told this to a friend and he called me a curmudgeon...so, i frowned but vowed to watch it again to find that very scene to prove why it's a stupid movie. why cameron crowe is not the genius everyone thinks he and why i am NOT a curmudgeon!
so i watched 'almost famous' last night. i sat there for over two hours trying to find something bad about it. when russell shows up at william's house, thinking he is going to see penny lane, i realised i was crying. it's a fucking great movie and apparently when i watched it a few years ago i was a crack head, or a curmudgeon...
xo m.
p.s. there is a new band link on the side. check it, sluts!
you've got a LOT of personal information over the past few days...
sorry about that.
i used to think i hated the movie 'almost famous'.
the other day i told this to a friend and he called me a curmudgeon...so, i frowned but vowed to watch it again to find that very scene to prove why it's a stupid movie. why cameron crowe is not the genius everyone thinks he and why i am NOT a curmudgeon!
so i watched 'almost famous' last night. i sat there for over two hours trying to find something bad about it. when russell shows up at william's house, thinking he is going to see penny lane, i realised i was crying. it's a fucking great movie and apparently when i watched it a few years ago i was a crack head, or a curmudgeon...
xo m.
p.s. there is a new band link on the side. check it, sluts!
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
just to clarify...
...that last post was SUPER long and sort of rambling so i want to summarize.
i NEED to summarize for myself. i have spent the last two or so days really trying to get things back on some sort of recognizable track and i need to have it concise. why you all need to have it concise sort of escapes me but that's where your free will comes in; ie: you don't have to read it.
so...
i was chatting my the lovely nigel this afternoon and he and i have fairly similar views on sex. sometimes it's just that: sex and nothing more. but then he said something to the effect of, 'shouldn't the people that we're with like us for the same reasons our friends like us? isn't that how we want to be liked? for our personalities?' and that perhaps in our attitudes towards to sex we undervalue it's potential as a tool to further a relationship rather than initiate it?
i guess in the end it boils down to whether or not i want someone's head between my thighs who knows me as alice or as michelle.
i NEED to summarize for myself. i have spent the last two or so days really trying to get things back on some sort of recognizable track and i need to have it concise. why you all need to have it concise sort of escapes me but that's where your free will comes in; ie: you don't have to read it.
so...
i was chatting my the lovely nigel this afternoon and he and i have fairly similar views on sex. sometimes it's just that: sex and nothing more. but then he said something to the effect of, 'shouldn't the people that we're with like us for the same reasons our friends like us? isn't that how we want to be liked? for our personalities?' and that perhaps in our attitudes towards to sex we undervalue it's potential as a tool to further a relationship rather than initiate it?
i guess in the end it boils down to whether or not i want someone's head between my thighs who knows me as alice or as michelle.
positive life choices
at 10:07 am jeff said:
"That's a bad idea. I bet if you fuck him, he'll come to your door and serenade you all "THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME" style.
Don't pretend you don't know what song that is."
i do know what that song is and jeff's right! i know jeff, you're always right, but this time i figured it out on my own first!
the past couple of weeks i've been in a funk. things were fine. there was nothing actually wrong with my life; i just sort of felt like...blah. everything was feeling sort of blah: theatre was blah, music and going to shows was blah, both 'scenes' were annoying the fuck out of me and even my friends who i LOVE were getting a little irritating.
therefore, funk! i was in a funk!
then last week i had drinks with someone whom i'd had previous 'intimate encounter' and we chatted and we're gonna do some work together and it's gonna be great. in the process of talking business we chatted about other stuff and i was reminded of how fucking attracted to this boy i am. anyways, that didn't help the funk.
so, being the internet savvy girl that i am i went out and found a boy. his name is unimportant but he likes nickleback and i was suppose to get together with him last night. i didn't. i told a lie and we probably won't speak again and that's fine. i don't need to be friends with him.
so why didn't i go over to a stranger's place for an evening of risky anonymous sex? certainly not because i have any sort of issue with anonymous sex. the boy i mentioned about, the previous intimate encounter, before we fucked he was pretty much anonymous...i don't have an issue with that but i don't think it's for me right now. i think i have come to some sort of peace with my desire to actually be with someone. or i have made peace with the fact that perhaps it might be nice to have sex with someone i already know and like...i dunno. something clicked in me sometime on sunday night and so i told the nickleback boy:
'so listen, good news and bad. remember how i told you i was going to that party last night. well, my ex was there and we ended up staying up all night chatting and decided to give it another shot.'
he doesn't know anything about me and i owe him nothing. this is easier than trying to explain why i went from basically having cybersex with the guy to telling him i wasn't interested. i know i could have done this too but he was a pretty aggressive guy and it's really flattering (for a not too confident gal like me) to have someone try really hard to convince you to have sex with them...
so ok. how did this happen. i'm not totally sure but i am pretty sure i know what pulled me outta my funk and i am sure that has something to do with it.
sunday night was this rollerdisco halloween party to put to black dot to death. i had told the promoter, a friend of mine, that i would help with whatever he needed and so my friend and i headed down there around 4 to help organize a kissing booth extravaganza. long story short i ended up having more fun at this show than i have had in a long time. because black dot was being put to rest the vibe was so positive! it was people who were there to thank the promoters for seven great years of shows or people for whom this was their first show or for people who just dig hallowe'en and six good bands! anyways, i had a TON of fun and the positive vibe totally rubbed off on me and all vestiges of the jaded snobby michelle just sort of disappeared. i wasn't too shy or awkward and met as many people as i could and just had a good fucking time. i have been in a good mood ever since.
i am not sure if this is connected to not wanting to fuck that guy or some other random stranger but i feel like they are. i feel good.
shit, i even saw christian last night and just had a great time catching up with him. i didn't make myself get all crazy and weird about him at all!
cool shit.
xo michelle.
"That's a bad idea. I bet if you fuck him, he'll come to your door and serenade you all "THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME" style.
Don't pretend you don't know what song that is."
i do know what that song is and jeff's right! i know jeff, you're always right, but this time i figured it out on my own first!
the past couple of weeks i've been in a funk. things were fine. there was nothing actually wrong with my life; i just sort of felt like...blah. everything was feeling sort of blah: theatre was blah, music and going to shows was blah, both 'scenes' were annoying the fuck out of me and even my friends who i LOVE were getting a little irritating.
therefore, funk! i was in a funk!
then last week i had drinks with someone whom i'd had previous 'intimate encounter' and we chatted and we're gonna do some work together and it's gonna be great. in the process of talking business we chatted about other stuff and i was reminded of how fucking attracted to this boy i am. anyways, that didn't help the funk.
so, being the internet savvy girl that i am i went out and found a boy. his name is unimportant but he likes nickleback and i was suppose to get together with him last night. i didn't. i told a lie and we probably won't speak again and that's fine. i don't need to be friends with him.
so why didn't i go over to a stranger's place for an evening of risky anonymous sex? certainly not because i have any sort of issue with anonymous sex. the boy i mentioned about, the previous intimate encounter, before we fucked he was pretty much anonymous...i don't have an issue with that but i don't think it's for me right now. i think i have come to some sort of peace with my desire to actually be with someone. or i have made peace with the fact that perhaps it might be nice to have sex with someone i already know and like...i dunno. something clicked in me sometime on sunday night and so i told the nickleback boy:
'so listen, good news and bad. remember how i told you i was going to that party last night. well, my ex was there and we ended up staying up all night chatting and decided to give it another shot.'
he doesn't know anything about me and i owe him nothing. this is easier than trying to explain why i went from basically having cybersex with the guy to telling him i wasn't interested. i know i could have done this too but he was a pretty aggressive guy and it's really flattering (for a not too confident gal like me) to have someone try really hard to convince you to have sex with them...
so ok. how did this happen. i'm not totally sure but i am pretty sure i know what pulled me outta my funk and i am sure that has something to do with it.
sunday night was this rollerdisco halloween party to put to black dot to death. i had told the promoter, a friend of mine, that i would help with whatever he needed and so my friend and i headed down there around 4 to help organize a kissing booth extravaganza. long story short i ended up having more fun at this show than i have had in a long time. because black dot was being put to rest the vibe was so positive! it was people who were there to thank the promoters for seven great years of shows or people for whom this was their first show or for people who just dig hallowe'en and six good bands! anyways, i had a TON of fun and the positive vibe totally rubbed off on me and all vestiges of the jaded snobby michelle just sort of disappeared. i wasn't too shy or awkward and met as many people as i could and just had a good fucking time. i have been in a good mood ever since.
i am not sure if this is connected to not wanting to fuck that guy or some other random stranger but i feel like they are. i feel good.
shit, i even saw christian last night and just had a great time catching up with him. i didn't make myself get all crazy and weird about him at all!
cool shit.
xo michelle.
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