positive life choices

at 10:07 am jeff said:

"That's a bad idea. I bet if you fuck him, he'll come to your door and serenade you all "THIS IS HOW YOU REMIND ME" style.

Don't pretend you don't know what song that is."

i do know what that song is and jeff's right! i know jeff, you're always right, but this time i figured it out on my own first!

the past couple of weeks i've been in a funk. things were fine. there was nothing actually wrong with my life; i just sort of felt like...blah. everything was feeling sort of blah: theatre was blah, music and going to shows was blah, both 'scenes' were annoying the fuck out of me and even my friends who i LOVE were getting a little irritating.

therefore, funk! i was in a funk!

then last week i had drinks with someone whom i'd had previous 'intimate encounter' and we chatted and we're gonna do some work together and it's gonna be great. in the process of talking business we chatted about other stuff and i was reminded of how fucking attracted to this boy i am. anyways, that didn't help the funk.

so, being the internet savvy girl that i am i went out and found a boy. his name is unimportant but he likes nickleback and i was suppose to get together with him last night. i didn't. i told a lie and we probably won't speak again and that's fine. i don't need to be friends with him.

so why didn't i go over to a stranger's place for an evening of risky anonymous sex? certainly not because i have any sort of issue with anonymous sex. the boy i mentioned about, the previous intimate encounter, before we fucked he was pretty much anonymous...i don't have an issue with that but i don't think it's for me right now. i think i have come to some sort of peace with my desire to actually be with someone. or i have made peace with the fact that perhaps it might be nice to have sex with someone i already know and like...i dunno. something clicked in me sometime on sunday night and so i told the nickleback boy:

'so listen, good news and bad. remember how i told you i was going to that party last night. well, my ex was there and we ended up staying up all night chatting and decided to give it another shot.'

he doesn't know anything about me and i owe him nothing. this is easier than trying to explain why i went from basically having cybersex with the guy to telling him i wasn't interested. i know i could have done this too but he was a pretty aggressive guy and it's really flattering (for a not too confident gal like me) to have someone try really hard to convince you to have sex with them...

so ok. how did this happen. i'm not totally sure but i am pretty sure i know what pulled me outta my funk and i am sure that has something to do with it.

sunday night was this rollerdisco halloween party to put to black dot to death. i had told the promoter, a friend of mine, that i would help with whatever he needed and so my friend and i headed down there around 4 to help organize a kissing booth extravaganza. long story short i ended up having more fun at this show than i have had in a long time. because black dot was being put to rest the vibe was so positive! it was people who were there to thank the promoters for seven great years of shows or people for whom this was their first show or for people who just dig hallowe'en and six good bands! anyways, i had a TON of fun and the positive vibe totally rubbed off on me and all vestiges of the jaded snobby michelle just sort of disappeared. i wasn't too shy or awkward and met as many people as i could and just had a good fucking time. i have been in a good mood ever since.

i am not sure if this is connected to not wanting to fuck that guy or some other random stranger but i feel like they are. i feel good.

shit, i even saw christian last night and just had a great time catching up with him. i didn't make myself get all crazy and weird about him at all!

cool shit.
xo michelle.