post-coital bliss.

the fringe has wrapped.

like a nice little present. everything is gone. the set is in the garbage. front of house totals have been totalled and the whole money thing has been figured.


how do i feel about it all?

well, we made a little bit of money.
i'm happy with how the show turned out.
we experience one hell of a terrible review...or nick did, at least.
and most of us got our first taste of the fringe.

the fringe...a weird weird beast. hanging around the fesitival and seeing shows and experiencing the way the artists treat each other was intense. it's hardly the fringes of the theatre scene. if it were we'd all be far more supportive of each other and the the spirit of competition would be far less obvious. it's not that people don't support each other cuz they do but it's in a weird way...

example:

me: hey, how's it going?
them: good. i'm coming to your show tomorrow.
me: awesome! thanks!
them: if you're coming to mine you should be there early, we're selling out every night!


don't mistake me though, that certainly isn't everyone and people that are actual friends were NEVER like that and totally grateful to you for coming to their show. it was just this feeling that permeated the festival. the beer gardens were full of not-so-yet-trying-to-be subtle bragging.

also, handbilling sucks.

postering was ok when i had someone to do it with.

overall the fringe isn't FUN. it's fun for audiences but not for artists. i think for most people it's a grueling 10days of worry. i think all of us could pin-point the exact second when we got sick of the fringe.

on the other hand, FRINGE IS FUCKING RAD! i'm so thrilled to have 'won' the opportunity to be a part of such an amazing festival and to see some really amazing theatre ('the centering'...hello!). we made a little bit of cash and we all got a lot of positive feedback from people who saw the show.

did a million people see the show? no. did we make mad cash? nope. do i care? nope. truthfully, and this is probably going to sound like some seriously arty bullshit, but if the (300 odd) people who came and saw the show had a positive interaction with it then seriously, i'm thrilled. money is nice but it's the not the be all and end all and it certainly wasn't my goal.

i'm definately starting to feel the post-show blues. GayFace has been with me, in some capacity, for the past what? 14 months. that's year plus of my life! and i have (mostly) LOVED every single second of it. i am so grateful to nick for asking me to work with him on it. GayFace was his baby and i feel such a joy to have ever been part of it.

it's hard to think of what's next. next is daunting. i know what it is but to start it means another LONG commitment to a show and to fundraising and publicity and to trying to put together a group of people VERY unused to working together. but, i want this so it's going to happen.

thank you to everyone who supported this endeavor of ours. i don't have the words to express my gratitude to all of you.

xo michelle.

so...hmmm...

i know i haven't posted for a while.
it's not that stuff hasn't been going on...cuz it has been. it's just that there's things that i can't talk about...

i like blogging-still-and i like the idea of this thing as a 'diary' of sorts. i'm not a big journal person and the occasional comment is nice because that way i know there are people out there who understand what i'm saying or going through or worrying about or whatever...solidarity, y'know?

but the point is there are things i want to talk about publically (ie: not on private on myspace) but can't because some of the shit on my mind right now has to do with people who read this blog...

anyways, i'm full of questions about friendship and sex and relationships and so many other things. none of it 'depressing' but all of it really important. i need to figure some stuff out-this summer has changed things and me and yeah...it's rad, mostly, because so many things are WAY clearer...and yet so much more unclear.

bonjour, je m'appelle princess vague.

i'm just so in love with so many things right now and with a sense of clarity. i'm also sorta in love with this crazy confusion as well.

go me!

xo xo michelle.

p.s. TIGA is making me SO happy right now.

FRINGE 2006!

the 25th annual edmonton internation fringe festival and mischief and mayhem theatre proudly present:

GayFace
written by nick green
directed by michelle kennedy
starring nick green and landon miller
stage managed by anna wood
designed by daniela masellis
publicity by adam rozenhart
poster designed by raymond biesinger

venue: stage #4: homes by avi. cosmopolitan music society (8426-103st)

dates/times:
midnight thursday august 17
noon saturday august 19
6:45pm sunday august 20
6:45pm tuesday august 22
11:15pm thursday august 24
4:00pm sunday august 27.

all tickets $10.

tickets go on sale 15 min after the show prior begins. get there early. ABSOLUTLEY NO LATECOMERS ADMITTED none. seriously.

GayFace ran at nextfest in june to rave reviews and we're really excited to open it up to new and bigger audiences.

come out and support local independent theatre. i'll give you a hug! any more questions please do not hestitate to drop me a line here, at mischief and mayhem theatre, by telephone (780-717-8311) or via email (michellenancy@gmail.com).

love, love, love. michelle.
p.s. how fucking sexy is that poster?!

can't sleep?

me either.

here's why

things have been kinda all over the place of late. things with friends and lovers (or not, actually), enemies and all the thoughts that go along.

i've just been wondering. a lot. being back at work this past week has given me the time to contemplate. what i've been contemplating remains secret. there are changes on the horizon in everything from business to friendships to how i'm percieved...the whole nine yards.

or ten yards.

or whatever...

the point is i have been having a LOT of trouble sleeping lately and i sort of wish i were high right now. i'm not. although this post might make you believe otherwise.

the people who live above me have small kids and are also probably very fat. i hear intermittent soft light quick footsteps and heavy slow footsteps.

there is an odd mix of folks in my building and i know none of them. i make all my judgements based on the old people i've seen, that one weird/creepy dude and the vespa parked near me.

anyone want to go for breakfast one of these days. i'm close to both b's and route 99 diner. seriously.

anyways, i should put this rambling to an end.
someday i should post a blog that is entirely stream of conciousness. ha ha.

xo m.

haven't i passed the quarter mark in my life already?

seriously. i'm not going to live to be 100 so in theory 25 shouldn't be my quarter life crisis. i figure i'll live to be 80-ish so i should've had my quarter life crisis somewhere between the ages of 20 and 22.

yay!

ok so i'm not having a quarter life crisis but i am thinking a lot lately. about a lot of stuff. and not just little stuff but the BIGGIES...

1. the FUTURE.

what a fucking scary word. future. it's weighed down by so much: all of our individual experiences and hopes, other people's hopes for us, access to the infrastructure required to achieve our 'potential', who we surround ourselves with, etc. the variables are endless and truthfully i just want to narrow them all down to 'stuff' and just let that be the end of it.

so MY future is looking...cloudy. but cloudy in a way i can deal with. there are a lot of things on the horizon and a lot of choices that will soon have to be made. school? and if so, where and what will i study...where will i live? with whom shall i live? will i stay in edmonton? so much to think about.

2. POLITICS

for a long time i was pretty convinced of where i saw myself on the whole political spectrum but the more i talk the more i realise that things are not as clear cut as i'd once imagined. it's not as if i am going to jump on the neo-conservative bandwagon, marry a u.s. military officer and vote bush as soon as i'm a citizen; hell, i'm still not even going to vote liberal but i just need to figure out where i stand, or if i am ok standing on shakey ground and just not knowing sometimes. the most radical answer can't always be the right one for me...right?

3. SEX

aside from the fact that i think about sex pretty much all the time i've recently been forced (forced?) to think about sexual relationships and how they exist outside the actual act of sex. the lovely landon said to me last night, 'y'know michelle. i don't think it's possible to never get attached to the people you've had sex with-even when you think you aren't' and in a lot of ways i agree. if nothing else they cross your mind from time to time-perhaps even in connection with other partners. i look back on all the people that i have had sex with (which isn't that many) and i realise that some part of me was attached to all of them. even the most anonymous of the bunch means something to me-i can't help but think of him in connection with george w. bush...tee hee. yeah, so connection. i dunno. it's a weird thing to give your body to someone and ask for nothing in return. i suppose they do the same thing so that's what you get in return. no expectation is the gift. or something...i dunno. i guess i've never had truly anonymous sex so who knows...

4. RELIGION

the other night at about 2:00am i was sitting wide awake watching northern exposure* and there was this scene when joel had to say a Kaddish for his uncle and he needed nine other jews in order to do it. 10 jews were brought in from all over alaska but joel said no because he didn't know them and his uncle's death meant nothing to them. so anyways, he said the Kaddish with the members of his community, none of them jewish but all of them important to him. i wept.

so this little moment from television circa 1993 and now in my DVD player has got me thinking about God and god and religion and spirituality and what my relationship to the whole thing is. i was baptized catholic and grew up going to church and getting communion and all that jazz until high school. i some point i stopped believing. i'm not sure if i ever stopped believing in God, because i'm not sure if i ever believed in God. especially not the God that they taught us about in church and in school.

so i went on happily agnostic for the last what...7 years until the other night when i find myself weeping at a 'fake' display of faith and community and i starting wondering what i believed. it knocked me hard on my ass and i have absolutely no answers. i answer something for myself and in its place pops up 7 more.

i know this. the whole 'accepting jesus as my personal lord and saviour thing' does NOTHING for me. i think jesus is a nice story but that's about it. a parable at best...

i think i'm going to do some investigating about religion. see if anything catched my fancy.
here's something funny: when i was 10 (or thereabouts) i puked all over the back of a pew during mass.

gah...

i just don't know. i guess this is the stuff you're suppose to think about.

discuss friends. discuss.

xo michelle.

*northern exposure is pretty much the greatest show ever made thus i continue my love affair with all things early/mid nineties. ;)

to the tune of 'silent night'

silent night
broken night
all is fallen when you take your flight
i found some hate for you
just for show
you found some love for me
thinking i'd go
don't keep me from crying to sleep
sleep in heavenly peace

silent night
moonlit night
nothing has changed nothing is right
i should be stronger than weeping alone
you should be weaker than sending me home
i can't stop fighting to sleep
sleep in heavenly peace.

holy. fuck.

at the end of damien rice's eskimo is this.
acapella. a woman who's name i'd tell you if i had the album here.
it breaks my heart in all the right ways and in all the right places.

find it. listen to it.
let it kill you.

xo michelle.

a new home.

it's not victoria but i like it.

come visit me. i like buzzing people in.

m