three: THE RULES (wherein michelle talks no-strings sex)

here's the thing. i was never lonely before i let someone spend the night. once you know the feeling of having someone so close to you all night. the feeling of waking up wrapped up so tight in someone's arms. the feeling of knowing that when you get out of the shower they'll still be there waiting to wrap you up again and kiss you. but now i know how that feels and i can't shake wanting that. i was ok until i felt that safe. that close. and now that seems to far off and all it makes me want to do is cry.

this is a lonliness i have never felt. it's terrifying and overwhelming and completely all-consuming. i can actually feel it. pin point it. and it makes me sadder than i have ever been.

truthfully, no one had ever spent the night. we'd have fun and he'd leave and i was good with that. when they stay and hold onto you all night long you start to realise what you've been missing. i'd blocked so much of the past and that first love out of my head that i'd forgotten what that feels like. and that's the part that sucks.

girls can, just as easily as guys, have 'fuck buddies' but i'm willing to wager that there are rules. or, at least there are for me.

(why am i blogging about this?)

so here are the rules:

1. fuck friendship. we are not 'friends with benefits' we're people who know each other and are attracted to each other and have sex but do not date. if i wanted to hang out with you and fuck you i'd probably just try to date you. (now obviously this is different from when you get wasted and have sex with a good friend...)

2. don't get jealous, possesive or tell me about the other girls you're fucking.

3. call me when you want sex and i'll do the same. it works.

4. there will be no sleepovers unless one (or both) of us is too drunk to move. if that happens there is NO snuggling. snuggling results in attachment.

5. the dirtier the sex the better. please do not try to 'make love' to me. we're fuck buddies and therefore we fuck!

6. should we happen to bump into each other in public and decide to meet up later we will NOT leave together but a quickie in the bathroom is always an option.

7. be well kept. i'm not your girlfriend and i still care what you look, smell, and taste like. love hasn't made that shit obsolete for us.

8. there is no us.

9. don't call me if it's not strictly for sex.

10. getting me stoned will always work in your favour.

11. according to maxim 'the more piercings a girl has the more places she'll let you stick it'...i have nine. assume nothing because you read maxim.

and last but not least...

12. you must NOT have a tiny penis and you MUST give amazing head. bad head will get you kicked out! (and vice versa i assume, yeah?)


i guess i just felt that in light of recent events i needed to get some of this off my chest and yes, this is a bit tounge-n-cheek or whatever but there's so much floating around in my head right now that i just wanted to write about sex.

ha ha.

and this was restrained. i didn't want to alienate some of my readers by casting light on too many aspects of my life...the rest of you already know all there is no know anyways. maybe one day i'll start an erotica blog or something. first, i probably need to have more sex. shit...

michelle.