when from across the room...

last night began like any other night. i had coffee at my fav little coffee shop with a dear friend whom i have missed...we chatted and it was great. sitting immediately behind my friend was a boy whom i have met a few times, his name escapes me as it usually does and we look at eachother every few seconds or so. my friend and i continue to chat; the boy and i continue to flirt...

as my friend and i are leaving the coffee shop he noticed that the boy has forgotten his car keys when he left a few moments prior. so we left, i drove my friend home but couldn't get the boy and his flirting eyes out of my mind so i went back the the little coffee shop just to see if he had come back for his keys.

he had. he was inside. i didn't want to seem presumptuous so i waited outside casually smoking and trying to look as if i had a purpose for being there. he left the coffee shop and as he walked past me he made eye contact with me and held it for one moment too long. he kept walking but turned around after a few steps:

'do i know you?'

'i think we have some mutual friends...theatre people'

'oh yeah. and i saw you at new city last week with charlene right'

'yeah i think so...'

so we chat and it's a bit akward but we decide to go back inside and have a beer (or beers). we're there for a couple of hours just chatting and sharing stories...i was surprised to find we had so much in common. finally the waitress, tired from bringing us beer after beer tells us that they are closing and we had to go. so we go outside and share a cigarette:

'did you drive here?' he asks

'yep...shit!' (we're both pretty drunk at this point...)

'well, i live near by if you wanna come over. i'll sleep on the couch...you can just grab your car in the morning'

'but i have to work'

'i'll make sure you're up in time'

so i go...what the harm? as we begin walking to his house he takes my hand and i don't resist. his skin feels so warm against mine and i shiver a little.

we get to his door step and just as he's about to put his keys in the door he drops them. as he stands up, keys in hand, our eyes meet and he kisses me softly on the lips.

i read the other night that the best part of a kiss is the moment just before you kiss because you can hear their heart beating and their breath steamy and nervous in time with yours... i love that moment too...

that moment doesn't last long. before i know it we are inside, up against the wall in the main entrance way groping each other and gasping for breath. we pratically fall down the stairs into his tiny basement apartment.

we finally grope our way to the couch, a trail of shoes and jackets and mitten and toques and sweaters behind us. i had never done anything like before in my life and i was loving every second of it.

we were up all night clinging to each other the way 16 year olds cling to each other in the back of their parents car...we couldn't let go no matter how much our bodies wanted us to...he finally collapsed with exhaustion in the early hours of the morning...

we slept for a couple of hours and at 6am he woke up and made me breakfast. we showered together, still unable to let go and i left for work...

i have been thinking of him all day: remembering the way his skin felt, the way his little beads of sweat dripped onto my back, the way the floor leaves marks on your knees and hips.

god i wish that were all true...looking at that guy across the coffee shop last night, that guy who i have met a few times whose name i do remember...i wanted that.

i was going to keep up with the story, make you all believe (or at least want to believe) that i lead that kind of life, but i don't. instead: i got an email from john just now and i am just crying missing him so much that my teeth hurt. i feel like i have dug myself into a hole far too deep to ever climb out of...

i don't even know where i am...

xo alice.