anarcho-hipster?

alrighty kids, this is my third fucking post today...my third post in the last oh...2 hours if we wanna get all hair-splitty and specific...which i, of course, want to.

so, in this third post i want to rant and rave a little about a couple of things that are bugging me. two of the three things were bugging me yesterday and then i got the article i posted in the last post (still believe in free speech?) this morning and my annoyance was cemented. the third thing is something that never fails to annoy but because of all this anarchist propaganda i have been feeding myself over the last few days it has been filtered through a little differently...the connection may be a little loose so bear with me.

first off...don't you love that term anarcho-hipster? ...i read it this morning amongst the anarchist propaganda i was reading this morning. oh, and i when i use the word propaganda i am implying none of the negative connotations often associated with that word...it's just a good word!

let's get this show on the road...

1) a friend of mine sent me an email about his easter weekend. as it turns out a friend of his was in town from vancouver and he had been suppose to meet up with her after the anarchist bookfair but while she was there her bag was stolen...

yep, you read that right

her bag was stolen at the ANARCHIST book fair!! talk about irony hey? maybe i missed that class in anarchy 101 but aren't we suppose to steal from the capitalist mechanism and not from members of our own community?

2) another friend of mine, louise (http://indoorsports.blogspot.com), a student of edumacation, was asked to write a PERSONAL REFLECTION about how she feels she can use the resources of the educational system to best teach her class. she PERSONALLY REFLECTED that she felt that she would be unable to be an effective teacher because her personal political beliefs run counter to the traditionally conservative educational system. she PERSONALLY REFLECTED that she felt that she was incapable of teaching both within the system and the system itself because she was not comfortable going against her own beliefs...way to go louise! anyhow, louise then received a telephone call from her professor requesting that she redo her PERSONAL REFLECTION paying closer attention to the topic...she read me the topic and she did the assignment the way she was suppose to... i suggested to louise that she send the following email...

dear professor moron,

case in point.

thanks for turning me into a hypocrite!

fuck off and die!

with love,
louise

but...she needs to pass the class so that may not be the best option. but jesus christ...aren't our universities suppose to be the last bastian of progressive thought in our current almost neo-fascist province? i guess the faculty of education hopes that by sucking up to ralph klien that they might be able to get some more money...not fucking likely kids, aren't there some trips he needs to take or some other public service that needs privatization? stop kissing ass and being assholes and support your students and their critical thinking abilities...besides, isn't university a time to experiment? i am sure this socialism thing is just a fad for most of them anyways; like binge drinking and lesbian sex...

and lastly, and this is where you all probably have to bear with me for a moment...

ever have one of those days at work where if you had a gun you wouldn't waste time killing yourself, you'd just kill other people? i am having one of those days...actually, now that it's the afternoon and the sun is shining i am feeling a bit better but this morning...holy fuck was i ever not pleased!

but anyways, in my annoyance i started to allow all the other things that were annoying me to bubble up to the surface and explode all over the floor with the car-soap mess that was already there...it mixed in quite well and you couldn't tell it was there...

so, here's what i am REALLY and specifically annoyed about...

i have recently become friends with this amazing guy i am working on a show with. he's funny, cute, brilliant, and loves to go record shopping...all good right. the only bad thing is that he continuously feels compelled to inform me that he is doubly marginalized because he comes from a working-class home and is gay.

bullshit!

not, bullshit because he's marginalized-because he is-but bullshit because it is said with an air of 'this actually makes me better than you...more adept at cogent marxist analysis...and makes you, middle-class white girl, culpable for all that has gone wrong in my life..."

bullshit!

yes, i was born into a family where eventually both my parents worked...while this does equal middle-class this doesn't equal happy well-adjusted family life free of worry and it doesn't make me culpable for all your woes, it doesn't make you better than me, and it doesn't shape who i am...we cannot choose the life we are born into...we can only choose what we do with it. he needs to open his eyes and look at the ways things are now and the person that i ACTUALLY am...i have no money, i'm an artist, and i am as politically involved as i feel comfortable being and i am always working on ways to be more involved...

of course i could me more active but i feel like i know where my allegiances lie but i lack the basic knowledge to 'join the club'...whatever, i am not making excuses, but there is nothing i detest more in someone, someone who i am essentially on-side with, is that 'more hard-core-than-thou' attitude... i love you dude but fuck off with thinking you're better than me because you're gay or working class or whatever...

oh, and you wanna feel marginalized...try being a girl working in the automotive industry...

and fuck...i am a woman...i am historically as marginalized as you asshole!

anyhow, that's all she wrote today...

or at least i hope so.

xo alice.

p.s. i didn't mean any offense with the little rant at the end of this post...i just get really annoyed at that kind of attitude; and i can't stand sitting at the bar with someone (who can afford to drink when i can't) tell me how poor they were and i can't ever understand what it's like because my parents worked and my family was all happy and well adjusted when they don't know me well enough to make those kind of blanket statements...ugh.

still believe in free speech?

"The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum - even encourage the more critical and dissident views. That gives people the sense that there's free thinking going on, while all the time the presuppositions of the system are being reinforced by the limits put on the range of the debate."-- Noam Chomsky

from www.infoshop.org/quotes.php

kids,
i recieved this in my email inbox today and almost hit the fucking wall.
i hope the FBI shuts down my blog for posting this:

INFOSHOP.ORG -- FBI investigating incidents on subdomains hosted by flag.blackened.net.

OK folks, here's the real deal as far as I can share it legally at the moment. Consider it as a press release if you wish and feel free to distribute it for whatever reason you deem necessary.

I'm under court order not to speak about specifics and have my attorney trying to find out what the maximum penalty for disclosure really is. I hate to have to keep my mouth shut in areas where the Gestapo is involved, but I also have to weigh things against the overall security of flag and it's subdomains and also the wellbeing of my family.

I have been ordered to submit IP info on two separate incidents having to do with subdomains hosted on flag. Both of these are in regard to claimed or threatened responsibility for acts of propaganda by the deed. Both incidents involve topics which are completely out of line for consideration here at flag and really I can only view them in two ways. Either people are simply ignorant about the murderous history of the FBI, or, as is my belief in one case, they are trying to make flag vulnerable to government intrusion.

At this point let me say, in all honesty and conviction, that if I end up dead by strange means - suicide, overdose, drunk driving accident (I never, ever, ever drink and drive), "accidental" gunshot to the back of the head while sleeping ala Fred Hampton, car jacking, or anything else reasonably suspicious, contact the FBI in Chico, California for more details.

I have called numerous friends nationwide, anarchists and otherwise whose opinions I respect and who I know will be honest and forthwith in their opinions to ask them how I should proceed. The unanimous consensus is that I comply with the wishes of the FBI and provide the IP addresses responsible. The only point of discussion, really, has been whether or not I should reveal the specific information in violation of two court orders.
Really, I am not left with much of a choice. Here are my two choices as I see them:

1.Do not comply with the wishes of the FBI. This will most likely lead to the seizure of flag and a compromise of all the sites and information online. It will probably also lead to me being imprisoned, I would guess. I personally do not fear this, but I am the sole support for my wife and infant daughter. There can be no doubt we would probably lose our home as a result.

2.Comply with the wishes of the FBI, provide the IP addresses, and count on the fact that I will catch a lot of heat and hatred from my comrades in the anarchist movement worldwide.

Though it pains me to comply with the State in any manner, I have to choose option #2. The people who have foolishly compromised us all will shoulder the burden for their selfish actions. Frankly folks, they know better - we all know better.

I was first contacted by the Oakland FBI. Many of you know their history. We are talking COINTELPRO for real - not a perceived or mythical fear. They are proven murderers and automatons for the state who will blindly follow any order to kill or disrupt without question. Read the history of their disinformation campaign against the panthers if you don't believe me. The panther comic book which they completed and distributed, the fake letters between Huey and Eldridge, the fires of hatred and murder they faked and inflamed between the panthers and the US or "united slaves" which led to the murder of Bunchy Carter and John Higgins in L.A., the list goes on and on.

But, the real point is that I feel like a coward and traitor to my comrades, even in the face of what is essentially a coerced decision. I'm the last one who will criticize or disagree with any of you who want to deride me. I'm also aware that this will probably cause quite a few of you to lose faith in me, flag, and it's subdomains. This can't be avoided and it's something I weighed into my decision. I post this mainly to inform you all and give you opportunity to make your own decisions as to whether I've handled this correctly and whether you wish to use flag or it's subdomains in the future. If you don't trust me, I understand, believe me.

It is by far the most agonizing decision I've been faced with in relation to my anarchist opinions.

This is why we do not discuss certain things as if they are a legitimate part of anarchism. Resist the extra y-chromosome influenced urge to sound more hardcore than the guy next to you. Nobody is impressed and the powers that be are sitting on the edges of their seats waiting for an excuse to shut down flag. Freedom of speech does not exist, don't try to test it. They will come bust down your door - for real - point a gun to your head and pull the trigger if you refuse to comply.

Believe it.

Your admin,

Dave

http://www.infoshop.org/inews/article.php?story=20050329094539697

http://flag.blackened.net

www.infoshop.org

www.resist.ca

xo alice.

the post i meant to post yesterday

so ok. i consider myself a REALLY liberal person: i make no judgements about sexuality, race, gender, class, etc...

i also that addiction should not be criminalized and that rehab is cheaper than prison...etc...

that being said yesterday i really wanted this drunk-as-fuck dude out of my shop.

allow me to elaborate:

i work for my dad at a small office/warehouse. we are NOT a retail establishment but if someone wants to come in and pick something up quickly we are certainly not going to turn them down...my dad would kill for that extra $50 or whatever...

so yesterday one of these quick pickup guys came in for three cans of flat black and one can of import magnesium spray paint; his total was $15.46...he had $50.46. as i said before we are NOT a store and therefore have no change...and i dunno who this guy assumes i am but i don't personally carry around change for a $50 either...

anyhow, he gets mean and nasty and flounces off to get change. when he gets back he is pissed off and thinks i should give him a deal for the gas he had to use to get to the bank to get change... i calmly informed this guy that we are NOT a retailer and he just needs to suck it the fuck up!

now you're probably wondering why i brought up all that stuff about how progressive i am at the beginning of this post right?

well, buddy was HAMMERED! absolutely fucking smashed and i was afraid...he was rude and beligerant and i was by myself...and i judged him.

did i want him in prison? no, i was just scared...i was scared to be alone in with this guy who was obviously a drunken asshole...

oh, and did i mention he's been in before and was drunk and rude that time too...

fucker can't even see, i swear.

and to top it all off he leaves, gets into his car, and DRIVES off...

when he left i felt dirty and relieved that he was gone and to be totally honest i hope he was so pissed off that i wouldn't give him a $.46 discount that he never comes back!

xo alice.

useless invention or paper miracle

fruit flavoured rolling papers...

usless invention or paper miracle...?

the taste of blackberry lingers on your lips as your body relaxes...

i'm not sure how i feel about that.

xo alice.

good luck with the choir...

fuck.

the internet is the weirdest place ever and boys are the weirdest people ever...

remember billy? the roofies in his slurpee boy with the sexy messages and sexier tattoos...

please read what follows:

*note: he's lullabyes to paralyze and then something about tickets for sale and i am chemical romance... and anything in brackets is me commenting after the fact...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
so we never talk i assuming the practical thing to do is earse you because im not one for having hollow friendships

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
ooh i sound so emo

chemical emotions says:
that was really emo...

chemical emotions says:
and it makes me mad...

chemical emotions says:
and besides how do you know we'd have a hollow friendship...we haven't gotten that far yet...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
yes i know but its a touch laboured already and i have no patience anymore for such endeavours...call me melodramatic ...but we dont ever talk when each othe ris online ..so it makes sense doesnt it?

chemical emotions says:
i suppose billy, that it's up to you...truth be told i would love to talk to you more...and the more you call me a snob the more i am curious about you... (i am a masochist too...)

chemical emotions says:
i suppose i should just say hi.

chemical emotions says:
or you should just say hi...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
yes but our conversations have been about as entertaining as the mini donut booth at the fringe

chemical emotions says:
ok...i will totally grant you that one...i have been a little on the...lack side of interesting of late...

chemical emotions says:
but, in my defense...i am not sure what you qualify as interesting...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
the exact opposite of what weve been dabbling in

chemical emotions says:
so...what's the opposite of talking about incubus and queens of the stone age...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
*l* your funny. (yes billy, i am funny...and you're the one who wants to chat about incubus for hours...)

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
anyways i think im definate in this...but you miss have a delightful existance...soemthing dazzling and fun..treat yourself you deserve it.

chemical emotions says:
whatever.

chemical emotions says:
i hope you find something opposite...something not hollow...

chemical emotions says:
or whatever...

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
how articulate of you . (motherfucker! calling me inarticulate...)

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
be well xo xo xo

chemical emotions says:
thanks

chemical emotions says:
you too...

chemical emotions says:
i hope you find what you're looking for.

.lullabyes to paralyze. says:
i wont itll make for great memoirs though *s*. (and HE makes fun of emo kids...)

chemical emotions says:
and that it's someone far more interesting, less snobby and more articulate than me

.Queens of the stone age tickets for sale. anyone? says:
now whose emo ?

chemical emotions says:
me...always darling...

chemical emotions says:
but what do you expect...

.Queens of the stone age tickets for sale. anyone? says:
bu bye, i think this is the official ending..cue music...curtains....

.Queens of the stone age tickets for sale. anyone? says:
bye

chemical emotions says:
adios!

chemical emotions says:
good luck with the choir (the burning heart choir...stupidest band name ever!)

so yeah...i am now officially boring, snobby, inarticulate and deleted...what a night! and the thing that pisses me off more than anything is that it's just a fucking game. this kid is such a complete asshole and masochist (see the line about the memoirs...) who won't give anything a chance to develop...i am really sorry that i am busy and don't have all the time in the fucking world for you billy...jesus, ask my REAL friends, the people i ACTUALLY know, how much i see them...not too much...does that mean we have hollow friendships? no! how you can you have a hollow friendship with someone you've never even met...

...he's just mad because i wouldn't give him an e-blowjob...

fucker!

grrr...

boys are so ridiculous!

xo alice.

" "

Had one of those days when you want to try heroin, drunk driving, some form of soft suicide. Sitting in silence and staring at ceilings or peeling the paint of things to confide. Teach me to wiggle my ears like that, show me the scar that you got when you fell off your bike. Ask me the questions you never want answers to. We can rewrite them however we like. Stop the hardword floor's lopsided grin. Leave the dirt and dead flowers in a brown coffee tin. Let your hand melt a hole in the frost. Peer out under a sky that looks like a shirt I lost. Maybe someday the lies that we've led around will crawl under our beds and sleep of the years.



somedays someone else can just say it better...

"Leash" by the weakerthans from 'FALLOW' released by G7 welcoming commitee 1997
music by the weakerthans, lyrics by john k. samson

the weakerthans are one of the BEST bands in the world and if you don't love them already go to
www.theweakerthans.org and fall in love already...

you can also check them out at www.epitaph.com

i am just getting a bit excited about seeing them 2 nights in a row in april!!

oi!

yo!

so, ok...i am intensely bothered by something that you may or may not consider stupid...

let me preface by telling you a couple of things:

1) i am NOT a scenester. i know a lot about music and go to a fair amount of shows because i love seeing bands and hearing new shit...not because i wanna fuck a drummer or be 'seen'...

2) i appreciate the notion of community because if it weren't for community i wouldn't be working...

so on that note allow me to rant for a moment...

the other days i was wasting time on the internet, as i have been known to do, and was checking out www.indecline.net. now, indecline is a local scene message board for all the 'punk' kids...i like this website for two reasons: 1) it's funny...the shit that gets talked about... and 2) because it's a really good way to find out when there's a show

so, the other day i was wasting time with indecline under the auspices of option 1 and came across a post about excessive postering...the thesis was basically don't do it and don't cover up other people's posters...simple right? so this basic post about respecting your community turned into...

FUCK YOU! YOU ANTI-METAL EMO FAG!

now, not to get all high and mighty, but isn't that a little bit unnecessary...

i am not a musician and not generally part of the music scene in edmonton, i am however an artist in this city and the one thing i do know is that no matter how much your personal aesthetic may differ all you have is each other and your community...if you start alienating each other than you're fucked...

it seemed simple enough but i guess a pissing contest and calling each other fag is way more 'punk'....oi!

that is all... support your community and don't be an asshole!

xo alice.

pop!

isn't it amazing how just when you forget about people, or stop caring that they even exist (not to sound mean...) they just POP back into your life and it kind of makes you smile...

i've had a couple of days like that.

that's all.

xo alice.

letters to the editor

happy st. patrick's day!

alright dear reader as some of you may or may not know i publish a little monthly newsletter called 'the fanclub' which will soon be published in hardcopy (by your truly) as sort of a 'fanclub's greatest hits' after our 10th issue (#9 will be out at the end of the month). as part of the fanclub i am always requesting people send me letters in response to the previous issue, which i then comment upon (rather liberally i might add) in the body of the next edition...

so what i have decided to do is repost all the comments i recieved from this here blog and comment upon them...even just so the people who posted them can see what i thought in response to their letter...

so:

from 'this was hard' december 30, 2004

louise wrote something about cocaine and i accidentally deleted it...the newness of the blog was a little weird to me...

Welcome to 'blogdom' it's a fun land of openess, too much though and random comments.I like it :)
PS, I lived in Calgary for three years, I got the '15 ft of pure white snow' and thought only of the cold wet white stuff that haunts Alberta through and through

thanks hon! and no such thing as too much thought or random comments...randomness (ie: chaos) is what makes us get up in the morning...

from 'dear john' january 2, 2005

Alice.This was beautiful. I think we should incorporate this as a monolouge to the likes of "Eagles" and "Didn't Hurt". Honestly, the best writing I've ever seen from you. Very honest, and also, very fabulous. We will do lunch soon. Or, I'll see you Tuesday night at 7:30 at the benches, where I first met John myself. What a fucksauce. He will definitly cut his chisled jawline on something in the near future. I can see it happening. I love you!

awww louise...he does have a chiseled jaw line doesn't he...fuck! we should team up and kill him and the ice dispenser...it would be fun. i love you too louise and i think it's so totally rad that we've become friends...

from: 'prepare to be judged' january 5, 2005

louise said: You have been judged to suck ass? Oh my dear sweet and gentle Christ. I'm never auditioning for you again. Your imaginary conversation has caused me to involuntary pee myself.

and then later she said...

Sorry: Involuntarily

well louise... i didn't mean you...i just meant that after sitting i room for hours watching people ruin decent plays left right and centre by acting the shit out of them i just really want to die a little!

from 'big fat stinky liar' january 11, 2005

louise said:
I don't get it. You like him or not?Fuck, my brain is melting.

and i responded on that day:

no no, i liked him...he just wasn't what i expected

and as it turns out he ended up being totally socially inept and we no longer speak...the end!

from: 'synergy and crosspromotion' january 16, 2005

louise said:

You're a music snob like i'm a swimming snob. I'll walk by the pool and critique people's flip turns and stroke patterns. I can't help it, it's just something I do. Also: Pepsi called, they want you to work on their next commercial...apparently the Strokes sold out and they want you to direct the whole thing. Contact me for more info.

damn right i am a music snob...'iron and wine' was completely misused in this film and i am sure it was for money! also...i would love to stage the fucking theatrical spectacular, spectacular entitled...'the strokes take manhantten' starring drew barrymore as 'the agent' and myself as the groupie who fucks julian casablancas...
p.s. the strokes sold out a long long time ago! (hee hee)

from: 'unexpected and curious' january 22, 2005

louise said:

You want him to sing...in a quiet voice...as the sun comes up...I just threw up all over my carpet.You're going to have to pay for the deep cleaning.Jesus, that's sick.

and so i responded immediately:

ok so maybe i went a little far in my euphoria over this little crushie-poo but whatever...it's not worth vomiting over...there are far worse things in the world than the desire for a little romance or some hot dirty sex...

and then a new reader showed up on the scene : ) and said:

I really hope it works out for you. Sounds like a nice guy. And I hope he waits at least a month before belching and scratching his asscrack and "[braaap]sweetie fetch me a beer"ing you :)

well thanks for your best wished nermal...alas, as i mentioned before, we don't speak. he's too cool and scene for me and i just have way to many social skills for him...go figure!

from: 'when from across the room' january 27, 2005

Anonymous said: (anonymous being my wickedest friend nick!)

ok alice... you had me going.h-o-t,,, hot.--------i need the name of some good nick cage music that i can download. i am in need of a change of music.email me!nick

yeah nick...i just couldn't keep it up. i tried but i kind of lost it on the ending...i got stuck in the story and wasn't quite able to have it end...but i knew it couldn't go on...oh, and listen to the postal service...

from: 'masochism 101' january 27, 2005

louise said:

Don't cry for me, Argentina.The truth is, I never left you...all through my wild days, my mad existence...I kept my promise, don't keep your distance.There's a little Andrew Lloyd to keep you going. Evita went through some tough shit, and she survived. No wait, she didn't. She totally died. Oops. Don't worry, you're not running the country as the leader of the Rainbow Tour. You'll be just FINE. uhhhh INK MACHINE

yeah man...ink machine will make it all better! too bad for car accidents and emotional blackmail... oh, and thank god for you and madonna to remind me of the good time...;)

from: 'the birth and death of a friendship' february 7, 2005

fence said:

Well, I know I've heard FF, but I couldn't tell you what one of their songs was. They don't push my buttons either way

yeah fence, that's because they are a shitty band...but in the end this isn't about the music, this is about why hipsters drive me wacko jacko! (ew...i just said wacko jacko and instead of erasing it i will draw attention to it!)

from: 'the tattoo sago pt. 1' february 8, 2005

louise said:

I think you should get a tattoo on your pifty. If it means that the hot tattoo artist gets to touch your snatch, you should go for it...for reals.

no louise, there will be no pifty tattooing...that kids an apprentice! i don't want him near with a needle...i would however let him come near me with other things: fingers, tongues...you get the idea...

(i actually wrote something else in louise's blog... so go and see what it actually was...it was far more clever!)

Kevin said...
Sweet blog. My favorite entry was this one ('when from across the room'). Really great.Keep up the good work!

awww shucks kevin thanks!

check out kevin's blog because it's funny and awesome and i read it all the time...i love it!!

from: 'rental cars are weird' february 16, 2005

kevin said:

I just got rid of my car - and I couldn't be happier. I don't miss my 93 ford escort (two-door) at all. Nor do I miss the insurance payments (you're right - insurance is a scam) or the hassle of finding a place to park, or car accidents, or $2 gas, or... On the other hand, biking in -10 weather sucks. Ahh, michigan.

oh kevin...i know it gets pretty cold in michigan but i think we've got you beat! in the end i just don't want to have to spend money on anything ever...especially on a car or to an insurance company but such is life right...damn life...!

from: 'the end of an [emo] era' february 21, 2005

louise said:

Family day? Yeah right. What is a "family" anyways?A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children?Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place?Or all the members of a household under one roof?You tell me, bitches.

darling...i don't have a clue...you think you know but then you wake up one morning only to discover it's all bullshit!

from: 'rebellion is annoying' february 24, 2005

kevin said:

I whole-heartedly approve of your overuse of the world fuck. There is nothing in the world as satisfying as a well placed "fuck".Feel better soon.

then he said...

That should read "I whole-heartedly approve of your overuse of the word fuck. There is nothing in the wold as satisfying as a well placed "fuck".sorry.

then i said...

no no. you were right the first time kevin. no apologies necessary! ;)

but i realised i was an idiot so...

oh wait... i misread that too and took it to mean something sexual...oops.

and then louise said:

Fort Mac eh? Chicken soup, eh? This boy is corrupting your vegetarian morals.Watch it.

the boy isn't corrupting anything lou...he's just nice and wanted to make me feel better...i wouldn't eat the soup and it's the thought that counts...jeez! besides, i am a vegetarian for political reasons, not moral ones...just kidding! how pretentious was that!

from: 'what's the deal with cybersex' march 11, 2005

kevin said:

I have no idea. I never understood phonesex either. We live in a bizarre world.

yeah dude, no kidding eh? the phonesex thing makes a little more sense somehow...and if you're far away from someone you're already with or something...yeah, it's all pretty lost on me...i would just rather have SEX...go figure!

anonymous said:

Dunno who you are and you don't know who I am. That being said, I feel free to be pretty open and blunt.If you don't plan on meeting this guy (which you've already said you may), you can say anything you feel like saying. Granted, if you ever run for public office, you may come to regret things you've said (no pun intended). However, as one with Puh-lenty of experience with this subject, here's my $0.02. If ya wanna hook up with this guy, for more than just sex, don't do it. Make him get to know you first, get to know him better. you're right, he (or she?) may be sitting around just pulling your leg, egging you on to see how far he can get you to go. He may also be in danger of his wife/mommy walking in on him, as well. Ya just never know, till ya see 'em and get to know 'em.Yer living in cyber-land. Enjoy a cyber-relationship. Anything beyond that, ya gotta live by real-life rules. You willing to give this guy what he wants if you were to meet him at a restaurant or at a library or someplace? If so, go for it! have fun, make him beg!If not, wait. Don't give in. You'll find out if he's interested in more than just your typing abilities.Bottom line: if yer gonna meet, wait. If yer not, lock the bedroom door and go for it!

right, thanks anonymous...are you really anonymous or do i actually know you...or sort of know you? i wonder...anyhow, did i mention that ehead guy turned out to be a gigantic asshole? once the haze of alcohol and insomnia wore off i realised he was really mean after i dodged the subject and we haven't spoken since. meh, c'est la vie...what a strange world we live in...

from: 'the cold black tattoo to hot concrete' march 13, 2005

kevin said:

Somehow it's always the math teacher that gets told to fuck off. This confirms my belief that being a highschool math teacher is the worst occupation in the world. Ahh, rancid. The good old days. We are so old (24 is old? I guess so). Agent Orange, Redd Kross, T.S.O.L? Ancient. I never thought the day would come when I would ask "What ever happened to the Epitaph label, anyway?" Sigh. The worst part is that I don't even listen to punk anymore. I totally sold out. Remember "Soul Doubt" by NOFX? I think it was off of "S+M Airlines." Sorry for the rambling. It's just that I don't know many people who are still in the scene, so it's nice to commiserate with somebody who knows what I'm talking about.

it's funny because i don't really listen to too much punk anymore either and all those bands...*sigh*...nostalgia's a weird thing...24 is old at a certain point. whenever i go to a show, which is becoming less and less frequent, i am always stuck by how young these kids are...how young i was in 1995...14! holy fuck! as for the scene...don't even get me started i could go on a tirade right now...the funny thing about it all is the further i get away from thinking, 'wow, i'm so punk' the more punk i feel...it means something to me after all these years and i understand it's importance...i just keep being baffled by what time is capable of...


so kids, that all you wrote! i love it...i wish there were more!

xx alice.

p.s.:
louise's blog: http://indoorsports.blogspot.com
kevin's blog: http://thequasiworld.blogspot.com

crime pays...it just doesn't pay me...

ok well maybe crime doesn't pay...in the end you could end up getting caught and becoming someone's prison bitch...

unless that's what you want; in which case crime would totally pay!

crime theory aside...

i have recently been the victim of a crime...in fact, i was the victim of a white collar and perhaps victimless crime...or at least i am not the typical victim of said crime...

allow me to explain: today i was sent to the bank with our daily deposit. part of that deposit was 3 $50 bills one of which i was soon to discover was fake.

so, if the counterfit bill was the crime then how am i the victim...it's not my money right? right, it isn't but i am the one who has to come back to the office, break the news that we have, collectively, just eaten $50 and then get yelled at.

i was a victim of classic messenger homicide. fucking sucks! i hate being yelled at and i hate it even more when i didn't do anything wrong...

and christ man, it's only $50...it's not like it was $1000 in counterfit bills. jeebies!

anyhow, that is all.

xo alice.

from the cold black tattoo to hot concrete

nostalgia's a funny thing eh?

one day your mp3 player shuffles across a song that brings it all back for you: all the good times, all the truly horrible times...

for me it's the time sitting in class drawing anarchy symbols all over my binder, not having a fucking clue what it meant, and feeling utterly apart from the rest of what was going on around me...great fuckin' times.

and then one day your 23, almost 24, and itunes is playing rancid and you're blogging on myspace and wondering where those times went...

in some ways we grow up past being all 'in yer face' defiant and understand that defiance must manifest itself in more constructive ways then telling your grade 8 math teacher to fuck off...but at the same time i long for that innocence...simply hating EVERYTHING was so easy...now we've gotta be so fucking specific!

anyhow, funny how those thoughts come to you sometime...

i really am nostalgia's bitch and sometimes i really do long for 1995...

xo alice.

what's the deal with cybersex

how does one, ie: me, give a blowjob over msn chat without feeling like a complete tool?

ok. wait...there should probably be some back story here right?

so if you look a few posts ago i was all swoony over this boy sending me cute little comments over myspace. well, cute little comments have turned into bizarre fucking conversations on msn and last night i TOTALLY missed the cybersex boat...

blame it on booze (which is what i am doing) and lack of sleep (which i am also doing) but no matter which way you look at it i totally missed the fucking boat...and i think it could have been a hot boat...

so i guess the questions that i have for all y'all out there in internet with perhaps more...eh...experience than me are:

a) can we back to this place again?...i think he was a little annoyed at my inability to pick up on the innuendo and then when he can can out and said 'blow me?...conversationally, i mean...' i mistook this to mean, 'we need to have conversation so good that it's like a blowjob'...yeah, fuck, i was tired ok...

and

b) how do you do that without feeling cheesy or worrying that your mom/roommate/etc doesn't walk in while you've got one hand on the keyboard and the other hand in strike zone...?

and

c) (and this is where alice the 'self-conscious to a fault freak' comes in) how do i know this isn't some fucking joke...i mean, there is a possibility that i could meet this guy. even if we never arrange to meet we could bump into each other somewhere, get to talking, figure out the connection, etc...so, what if i am sitting there verbally sucking his cock and he and his roommates are sitting around the computer smoking a joint and laughing at me?

well?

and without all this...and the thing that is the weirdest to me...

i really want to give it a shot...

xo alice.

IMA CHADBOT

Spatial Illusion

There is a time, when in this space, all things seem a romantic glitter of uncertainty. A lock of hair that always seems to fall out of place and in to my eyes when the wind blows is the one random certainty that I can always count on. What is it that causes this stale feeling that settles in my stomach and causes me to question myself and others. It tickles and stings all at the same time, as if I've been bitten by a lady bug with golden fangs.

A lady bug, with her lady spots and lady blood roses, that is trying to teach me this lesson out of this experience. She's trying to send me a message but is always flying around in circles not knowing which plant to land on. She ended up on a string that was dangling from a broken light and decided to sit there for a while; And for a while she glances out in to the open sky and watches as the sun sets and rises again and she's content with her woven polyester - amidst the prickly scratches that it tends to give her legs.

Like the taste of melting chocolate so is the resonance in her song. The pitch she carries is smooth and milky - only at times does the sting of cold wind make her voice bitter. The song, desolate in meaning and full of hope, rides around the night in search of a harmony - or a meaning - yet fades against the sounds of the other crickets and bullfrogs that chirp so effortlessly at the moon.

The others don't realize how much it takes for a daytime ladybug to sing her song against the dark of the moon.The scribbles of notes and verse still come, though the words begin to loose their meaning. The context begins to shift in to parallels that don't exactly match up, though their purpose is just the same. The thing that one must realize is that it's not so much the beauty in the art but the feeling that hides behind the meaning. It's the effort that comes from a place deep inside, even in a little ladybug that no one can hear, that can change the world.

http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=34492&Mytoken=20050308115709

made me all swoony...

xo alice.

100 things about me

i read this on someone else's blog -the name of which i cannot remember- and i thought it was a cool way for all y'all to get to know me a little better...

i may not get 100 on the first go-round, especially because i am fucking tired and i want them to be good things, but i promise that there WILL be 100...eventually

1. my dad was born in kingston jamaica
2. my favourite word in the english language is fuck. i use it a lot but try to balance out it's use by using big/difficult words when appropriate
3. i believe completely in the existence of ghosts
4. my favourite colour is orange. well, it is right now but it changes a lot.
5. my first kiss was at summer camp with a french-canadian boy named etienne...to this day i still love the french canadians
6. jewish boys make "my vagina explode!"*
7. my favourite school novel study book was "the wars" by timothy findley
8. i have an honours degree in theatre and i work (barely) as a secretary (barely)
9. my lack of computer knowledge is shameful for a member of my generation
10. i am really mad that no one besides clint eastwood ever wins oscars
11. if forced to choose would rather fuck christina aguilara than britney spears
12. i was 13 the first time i fell in love. i'm now getting over love #3
13. my favourite colour of eyeshadow is made by m*a*c and is called "trax"...it's really good for workin' the heroine chic look
14. i am WAY too fat to pull of heroine chic
15. i alienate people with the volume at which i speak
16. the best concert i ever saw in my life was 'bright eyes' at the commodore ballroom (in vancouver) on october 18, 2004
17. i got my first cd player in the early 90s and the first cd i bought was by soul asylum. i wish i still had that album
18. i would've had sex with any one of the five backstreet boys if it meant i could have been on oprah
19. i saw one of my favourite actors (callum keith rennie...aka: billy fucking tallent) while i was on my way to play last summer and didn't have the testes to talk to him...i did almost trip, however
20. on my 20th birthday over 3000 people died. (wow, to see that in writing puts shit in perspective...)
21. i love using and being any number of ridiculous cliches
22. i wish my hair was straight so i could properly pull of an ironic angular haircut.
23. i have beautiful penmanship except i don't really like the way i write the letter 'a'...i'm working on new styles all the time so maybe something cool will come of it.
24. i find it difficult to type with my wrist bandaged (from tattooing)
25. i tried to try and kill myself once when i was 14 with a razor...not a razor blade but one of those disposable kinds...it didn't work to well and i was really happy. i was never good at those cries for help.
26. i saw a girl on the street with new pink hair (and consequently a pink face) and it made me a little nostalgic...or a lot nostalgic...for the days when i was dying my face pink.
27. on the stereo beside my computer sits a purple duck with devil ears being shadowed from the sun by a red paper umbrella. he is always comfortable
28. there is a point in conversation where all things have been said on a topic and my immediate response at that second is to say, 'fuck it!' and ramble incoherantly until the subject has changed.
29. right now my hair is black and short and often accesorized with a green bow.
30. i would like to kiss a boy who was VERY tall so i have to stand on my tiptoes or someone who my exact height.
31. currently my bed is covered with dark lavendar jersey cotton sheets
32. i have listened to NOTHING but tom waits for the past three days and will probably listen to nothing but tom waits for the next three days
33. i tend not to generalize about myself but make sweeping and crass generalizations about other people and/or situations...nothing derogatory but sweeping and crass nonetheless
34. my favourite puntuation is the ellipse...which i over- and mis-use at will
35. i have some issues with my digestive system: i am lactose intolerant and suffer mildly from irritable bowel syndrom. these conditions are made worse by my body's sadistic desire to menstruate.
36. i get school girl crushes really easily and usually have 5 or 6 at a time and no one is safe. this evening is no exception
37. i just, like JUST, punched my sister in the face by total accident
38. as much as i want someone to tell me i am beautiful, more than anything i want someone to tell me that i am smart and that my intellegence is the reason they love me
39. i want to be with someone who is able to cover me completely with his arms. i want someone whom i can disappear into...if only metaphorically...
40. i once went on a date with a guy from a chat room because he told me i had nice legs. we saw 'the rock' and i have never been able to look at nicolas cage in the same way.
42. the last guy i fooled around with had 2 genital piercings
43. i once contemplated a clit piercing but realised that i couldn't handle the actual process...
44. (here's a pretentious one...): in the end i hope that the theatre i make serves to somehow work against the constant stream of crap flooding the market. i wanna fuck shit up, be loud, and have people want to see what i do instead of the same old shit that happens everywhere
45. i want to publish 'the fanclub' someday as a REAL magazine...i want to take it out onto the streets where it belongs...(hee hee...sooo nerdy!)
46. i can think of 4 or 5 people that i would PAY to have sex with
47. i can think of 4 or 5 people from whom i would accept money for sex
48. i should be crowned queen of procrastinators...for example, right now i should be writing a press release
49. there's this guy named brian and he is: a) the hottest man on the east coast; b) the man who pierced my nose and; c) an original dc punk kid!
http://www.jinxprooftattoos.com/jpdirtyb.htm the tattoos on his scalp are especially sexy!! and an interesting side note for all you music fans out there: this is the shop where the twin geniuses (*sarcasm*) behind good charlotte have gotten most of their tattoos and piercings done.
50. i'd PAY to have sex with brian!
51. i am obessesed with what people are willing to do when protected by anonymity
52. if i haven't been to bed my favourite time of the day is just before the sun rises...it's at that moment that you are 100% sure you made it through and you can probably do it again.
53. i love looking in the mirror immediately after having an orgasm
54. i have never experienced 'deafening pleasure'
55. if i could move anywhere tomorrow it would be chicago...i haven't been EVERYWHERE obviously, but i'd go there...
56. i never have naked toenails
57. unexpected emails from old friends always make me smile
58. my favourite candy is mike and ike's hot tomalies
59. my favourite spice is cinamonon
60. i crashed my car this morning
61. i can't remember my natural hair colour.
62. i have never SERIOUSLY propositioned anyone for sex
63. no boy has ever been given flowers
64. my mom gives me a piece of jewelry every time i open a show
65. i often wonder what life would be like if i just ran away tomorrow and never looked back
66. i think if i were a boy i think i would get into a lot of fights
64. my choice to get tattooed has nothing to do with the fact that i am a girl. this is one occassion where i am not making a political statement
65. i once read an article about DIY pelvic exams. i am still not sure if this is very wise and i would never have my friends over for a pelvic exam party...what do you put on the invitation? "please arrive promptly at 6:45pm. don't forget the banana bread and your speculum. lubricant will be provided..." seriously...??
66. i keep a journal with lists upon lists of albums and artists i need to hear
67. i've often wondered what bourgenvilla dreams would be like
68. i am not sure that i want to get married but i am sure i would like to find someone to spend a large chunk of my life with
69. i frequently tell people what my bra looks like and often whip out a little strap just to prove that i am telling the truth
70. when i was 15 i wished that i had enough fashion sense to really fit in at school
71. my favourite sweater and i have been together since grade 8...she came to me during an intense "i wish i was kurt cobain so i'll dress like him" phase. we still hang out and she's kept up with all the phases my 'fashion' sense has gone through
72. my favourite chapstick is 'burt's bees'. i prefer it in the tube because the metal pots rust.
73. i rarely wear lipstick and if i do it's rock-a-billy red and ONLY rock-a-billy red!
74. i bite my nails
75. immediately to my left are the following three items: a keyboard resting up against the wall; an old teddy bear in a snuggly and; a whistle on a string. i have blown that whistle a total of five times
76. i am right-handed
77. my favourite kind of crass jokes are jesus jokes.
Q: why was jesus crucified?
A: because he forgot the 'safe' word...
78. my bedspread glows in the dark
79. the last album i bought was the 'we will become silouettes' single by the postal service.
80. if i had a penis for a day i would not immediately get a blow job. i would go record shopping, pee standing up, jerk off and then get a blow job...in that order!
81. i spent a good 2 hours trying to fit 14guage earrings in my regular sized ears (bad idea). it bothers me that none of my earrings match.
82. i am going to be a maid of honour this summer. there is a lot of pressure
83. i love lending things to friends because when they come back to me they always smell like they have been somewhere special
84. ideally, i would meet one new person per day
85. the name of my blog comes from the song 'fifteen feet of pure white snow' by nick cave and the bad seeds
86. it frustrates me when parents belittle their children in public
87. i find bathing suit shopping and auditioning to be the two most demoralising things one can experience...the difference? i like auditioning but have been wearing the same bathing suit for at least seven or eight years
88. 88 is my favourite number.
89. i own 7 belts but only wear one.
90. i am both excited and worried that it has been almost six years since i finished high school
91. i still have lunch with my high school english teacher
92. i am intensely intimidated by a room full of 14 year old girls
93. http://profiles.myspace.com/users/14827613
94. i have never had a real pet...well, i suppose fish count as real pets so i should say i have never had a pet that i could pet
95. my mother refers, disapprovingly, to vibrators as "a device"
96. a friend of mine once, out of the blue, gave me a social distortion button simply because he knew i liked them and thought of me when he saw it. that is one of my favourite gifts
97. i put a lot of thought into selecting greeting cards for people. i feel guilty if i don't
98. i love making and recieving mixed tapes/cd's for people...actually, i wish people still had tape players so i could make a cassette...you can make me a tape if you want
99. i do NOT forsee myself ever owning an ipod
100. my favourite kind of lotion is the unscented kind that makes your hands so slippery that you can't even open the door.

and for good measure...

101. i DO NOT find chivalry misogynistic
102. i am horrendous with grammer. i have particular trouble with tense agreement
103. i would rather smoke pot then drink but i drink far more than i smoke pot
104. i always have trouble spelling the word rhyme


there...i did it! and i went a little over. that was fun!! hard but fun...for those of you that know me you should add to my list...things you know about me that maybe i don't...just out of curiousity y'know...but you don't have to...it's only an idea.



for future reference:
first kick at the cat was 1:17am on march 1, 2005 (1-22)
attempt #2: 6:41pm on march 1, 2005 (23-26)
attempt #3: 1:37am on march 2, 2005 (27-36)
attempt #4: 12:17am on march 4, 2005 (37-50)
attempt #5 and completion: 12:29am on march 8, 2005 (51-104)




xo alice.

*expression stolen from www.ultragrrrl.com

apologies for allowing real life to interfere with the press release...i'll get right on it

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...does it start to loose it's meaning after multiple uses? i sure as fuck hope not. so i wanted to tell this little story of my terribly shitty day in some sort of narrative form to perhaps either lighten up on the agression level or to avoid painting myself as some raging fucking psychopath...IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE at this juncture...i'm not a psycho nor am i overly aggressive but forgive me these temporary flaws as i recover from my newly fucking fixed car slamming into a fucking cement medium due to nothing more than some fucking overnight freezing...jesus fucking christ people...am i made out of fucking money? is it pouring from ass...no, money isn't pouring from my ass but the sense of something pouring from my ass is sure pervasive right now...call me crass but fuck! the further into debt i get the further away any semblance of an adult life appears. this is just the fucking straw y'know......and ok, i recognize that in the grande scheme of it all this isn't a big deal...i wasn't hurt, my passenger wasn't hurt...there are people who can't afford cars...guess what...I can't afford a car either...it wasn't fucking mine!! money and the loss of it is a big fucking deal when you don't have any...fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

oh, and my humblest apologies for not having time to write that press release. i will try to get on it tomorrow when real life appears to be once again on the backburner...

xo alice.

please allow me to drool for just a few seconds...

alrights kids...

i went to this uber-hip coffee shop/bar this evening with dishonorable intentions...

i knew that my sexy radio dj crush with an even sexier jewish name would be there as the uber-hip coffee shop/bar dj...

he's so hot...*drool* and playing some kick ass tunage...*double drool*

oh and i have a new myspace friend who has sent me the following two comments:

Mar 6, 2005 01:29 AM
*gasp* local, intrigueing, and the refused link....hrm maybe im in love or quite possibly someone slipped a roofie in my late night slurpee and im bound for a sweaty bender in the middle of the night, either way you seem fun ... *swoon and blush*

to which i responded...

Mar 6, 2005 05:39 PM
*blush*...no one has ever called me local before...late night slurpies and roofies will do that to you...or maybe you are in love or i am in love, we may never know...either way i AM fun...go figure. you seem fun too...or at least tattooed which can, in certain circumstances, negate the necessity for a person to be fun...or even remotely interesting...but i am sure that is not the case with either of us...

and he wrote back...

Mar 6, 2005 08:02 PM
oh the flattery *double swoon*...and i must admit the source of my life force permiates from these very tattoos, they define me ....*l* no they dont its just some cheesy pointless shit to impress the girls and make me seem ever so hardcore....wait its ok ill fit just in i just need plugs some womens jeans and a penchant for screaming melodicless tunes...and an emo name like..."heart may fail" or "last breath breathing" or even "tommorrows dying".....see a formula that works...so yes tell me more, im starved for interesting women...especially ones with cartoon profile pics, over and out .captain tattoo's xoxoxoxoxox

so yeah...hot right...and he does have some super hot tattoos...

and ok...i'm a fuckin' nerd...i have accepted it and so should you. move on!

xo alice.

fight directors are pure sex, baby!

last night at our rehearsal the FIGHT DIRECTOR came in...

now, he was not an exceptionally amazingly hot guy but as soon as he started to throw himself around the room, demonstrate the proper body position for a punch and thrust his taught ass into the air i was done...

my vagina, as they say, EXPLODED...

generally, i am opposed to violence. i'm just not a fan of people being hurt...in real life. (i'm all for movie violence...) and i guess that's what made it so hot. you know it's fake but you've got your own real-live fight club in the room...

it's just SOOO fuckin' masculine. i think i need that every once and a while to counteract my frequent crushing on art nerds and the like...or maybe violence is just hot!

(also, he was really flexible...)

in the end i hope his wife appreciates how much i wanna fuck her husband and we all sleep well.

xo alice.

the tattoo saga pt. 5

well kiddos,
i got inked today! yeah...sweet, sweet pain overcame my body and it made me smile...

i just got a few little touch ups on my thigh and on my wrist but it wasn't enough. i want more!!

the weird thing is...i was pretty set on NOT having michelle do my sleeve but truth be told i love her...we chat and her work is fuckin' good. i saw some of the stuff she's done recently and she's good...better than i remember...and this past weekend she took a second place award for 'medium colour' at the calgary international tattoo convention...and besides all that, it's not like the tattoos i have right now are really hard to do so that isn't a fair estimation...and, when i left she gave me a big giant hug and told me she'd love to do some set design/scene painting for me...for FREE...if i ever need her...

anyhow, the saga continues...i am feeling pretty good about it all right now...want something else though...soon. maybe a little back work! we'll see what inspires over the next little while.

xo alice.