that sweet sweet ache.

as i push in the door there is little noise. the welcome feeling of bells. i sit. the warm leather couch makes me feel at home. warm.

waiting is killer. the seconds tick by. i want it now because i know what's going to happen. how it's going to feel. how i'm going to feel.

and then i hear that sweet sound in the distance. behind a wall. i smell the smell of clean and that sweet sweet sound. i ache for it. the anticipation is too much. it's been too long. december.

and then he emerges from the back. greets me and slips his hands into those purple sheathes. they'll protect us both from my blood and what's to follow.

i take off my black hoodie. there's green underneath. spring, perhaps? something new for sure.

i sit down. he touches me. that first touch. the anticipation rises and every nerve on my body is ready. excited: jumping at the impending intensity of his touch and the touch of the needle.

and then it begins. as simple as that. that first rush of pain is my favourite. the first trickle of blood and that first site of colour. my skin changes. it swells and stings and aches and bleeds with each pass and i swell and sting and ache and bleed knowing that under all this my new skin is growing. my skin that looks like no one else's skin.

he puts his full weight on my arm. focused. eyes darting across my skin as quickly as the needle. my hand brushes his ribs, thigh, chest, elbow. a series of intimate touches.

and then that moment arrives. i've been expecting it. that moment where the pain is so much that i let out a small wimper. where every muscle in my body contracts in response. then it passes. i know it's coming again so i don't release immediately. i let it out slowly and the cycle continues. pain and a slight release.

it's the end that i long for as much as that first sting. the moment when i can let go completely. the blood and ink are wiped clean and all that remains is my new skin. fresh and raised begging me to look to at it. to show it off. i look in the mirror and i smile. my body lets go. it sighs a happy sigh and the muscles relax. my heart slows and i take normal breathes. i sit for a moment. coming down. feeling myself fall into a deep relaxation and calm. the dull ache reminds me of what's happened over those past three hours. but i smile.

i get dressed. i put on my coat. and i take my new skin home. it feels like home. and i am happy here.