more or less of a good thing.

well, i'm officially 25 and have been for a little bit more than 24 hours. i'm doing ok. feeling the tug of sentimentality and wishing i had one of those special people to spend my day with but hey, i had my family and nick and for that i'm pretty fucking grateful.

today is going to be hard. or strange. or both, more probably.

i'm having lunch with that person who occupied so many whiney emo posts and i'm sitting here flashing back to two years ago when we would often sit across a table from one another and talk and sit in silence and it was...wonderful.

things have changed. my heart broke. i broke my heart and we haven't seen each other for a long time. too long probably. and i'm sure it's going to be fine, probably great but at the same time i'm preparing for the sting of seeing him again and of him telling me how much he's in love with her and how it's so wonderful being back here living with her...gah.

you know, it's funny, i think people think that i like being into people in relationships but that's UNTRUE...truthfully, i have never been interested in anything (besides sex, but that's a different story for a different blog) with someone in a relationship. i'm sure there are girls out there who think i've wanted to steal their boyfriends away or whatever but that really isn't the case. i don't like it. for as much of a masochist as i may be (and even that's debatable) i don't actually enjoy being infatuated with someone so totally unreachable. crushes on strangers and passing interest aside, of course...

but this guy was different, i loved him more than i cared that he loved someone else and that it hurt so much.

so here i am 35 minutes before our pre-arranged meeting time and i'm equal parts excited and ready for the worst hour or so of my life... we were close close friends and i'm excited to see an old friend but at the same time i loved him so much that it ruined me and eviscerated my delicate little heart.

so we'll see...

xo michelle.