prepare to be judged

currently it is my job to judge people. i had to do it for two hours tonight. i don't like it. it's the one part of doing the thing that i love that i don't love.
sure, i am like most people and spend my days in silent judgement of others; but these silent judgements never result in a telephone call going something like this:

alice: hey is jane there?
jane: this is jane.
alice: heya jane! alice here. how are you?
jane: great you.
alice: (aside) aw sweet fuck, great? now i have to ruin that? (back to jane) so whatcha up to tonight?
jane: oh, i am going to see wednesday night heroes at new city tonight. you?
alice: (aside) fuck! and now i have to see her. (back) cool. me too.
jane: so...
alice: so...
jane: well, you called...
alice: right. listen jane i wanted to thank you so much for coming in this afternoon but you have been judged to suck ass.
jane: ok. well i will see you later.
alice: yeah. bye. hey and come see the show when we open ok?
jane: fuck you.
alice: what?
jane: yeah ok. bye.
click...
alice: hello?

you get the idea, and while i would never say, 'you've been judged to suck ass' saying, ' i just don't have a part for you' feels like i am saying, 'you suck ass' because no matter how unsucky you actually are you always feel sucky when rejected. such is the nature of life.

i have felt this sucky feeling many times-too many to count anymore- but i have learned something over the years and years of rejection at the hands of tyrants who feel their cannot be realised with my puny little talents; i have learned that it's not your fault. don't take it personally. talent is innate. you suck. move on.

just kidding.

xo alice