letters to the editor

happy st. patrick's day!

alright dear reader as some of you may or may not know i publish a little monthly newsletter called 'the fanclub' which will soon be published in hardcopy (by your truly) as sort of a 'fanclub's greatest hits' after our 10th issue (#9 will be out at the end of the month). as part of the fanclub i am always requesting people send me letters in response to the previous issue, which i then comment upon (rather liberally i might add) in the body of the next edition...

so what i have decided to do is repost all the comments i recieved from this here blog and comment upon them...even just so the people who posted them can see what i thought in response to their letter...

so:

from 'this was hard' december 30, 2004

louise wrote something about cocaine and i accidentally deleted it...the newness of the blog was a little weird to me...

Welcome to 'blogdom' it's a fun land of openess, too much though and random comments.I like it :)
PS, I lived in Calgary for three years, I got the '15 ft of pure white snow' and thought only of the cold wet white stuff that haunts Alberta through and through

thanks hon! and no such thing as too much thought or random comments...randomness (ie: chaos) is what makes us get up in the morning...

from 'dear john' january 2, 2005

Alice.This was beautiful. I think we should incorporate this as a monolouge to the likes of "Eagles" and "Didn't Hurt". Honestly, the best writing I've ever seen from you. Very honest, and also, very fabulous. We will do lunch soon. Or, I'll see you Tuesday night at 7:30 at the benches, where I first met John myself. What a fucksauce. He will definitly cut his chisled jawline on something in the near future. I can see it happening. I love you!

awww louise...he does have a chiseled jaw line doesn't he...fuck! we should team up and kill him and the ice dispenser...it would be fun. i love you too louise and i think it's so totally rad that we've become friends...

from: 'prepare to be judged' january 5, 2005

louise said: You have been judged to suck ass? Oh my dear sweet and gentle Christ. I'm never auditioning for you again. Your imaginary conversation has caused me to involuntary pee myself.

and then later she said...

Sorry: Involuntarily

well louise... i didn't mean you...i just meant that after sitting i room for hours watching people ruin decent plays left right and centre by acting the shit out of them i just really want to die a little!

from 'big fat stinky liar' january 11, 2005

louise said:
I don't get it. You like him or not?Fuck, my brain is melting.

and i responded on that day:

no no, i liked him...he just wasn't what i expected

and as it turns out he ended up being totally socially inept and we no longer speak...the end!

from: 'synergy and crosspromotion' january 16, 2005

louise said:

You're a music snob like i'm a swimming snob. I'll walk by the pool and critique people's flip turns and stroke patterns. I can't help it, it's just something I do. Also: Pepsi called, they want you to work on their next commercial...apparently the Strokes sold out and they want you to direct the whole thing. Contact me for more info.

damn right i am a music snob...'iron and wine' was completely misused in this film and i am sure it was for money! also...i would love to stage the fucking theatrical spectacular, spectacular entitled...'the strokes take manhantten' starring drew barrymore as 'the agent' and myself as the groupie who fucks julian casablancas...
p.s. the strokes sold out a long long time ago! (hee hee)

from: 'unexpected and curious' january 22, 2005

louise said:

You want him to sing...in a quiet voice...as the sun comes up...I just threw up all over my carpet.You're going to have to pay for the deep cleaning.Jesus, that's sick.

and so i responded immediately:

ok so maybe i went a little far in my euphoria over this little crushie-poo but whatever...it's not worth vomiting over...there are far worse things in the world than the desire for a little romance or some hot dirty sex...

and then a new reader showed up on the scene : ) and said:

I really hope it works out for you. Sounds like a nice guy. And I hope he waits at least a month before belching and scratching his asscrack and "[braaap]sweetie fetch me a beer"ing you :)

well thanks for your best wished nermal...alas, as i mentioned before, we don't speak. he's too cool and scene for me and i just have way to many social skills for him...go figure!

from: 'when from across the room' january 27, 2005

Anonymous said: (anonymous being my wickedest friend nick!)

ok alice... you had me going.h-o-t,,, hot.--------i need the name of some good nick cage music that i can download. i am in need of a change of music.email me!nick

yeah nick...i just couldn't keep it up. i tried but i kind of lost it on the ending...i got stuck in the story and wasn't quite able to have it end...but i knew it couldn't go on...oh, and listen to the postal service...

from: 'masochism 101' january 27, 2005

louise said:

Don't cry for me, Argentina.The truth is, I never left you...all through my wild days, my mad existence...I kept my promise, don't keep your distance.There's a little Andrew Lloyd to keep you going. Evita went through some tough shit, and she survived. No wait, she didn't. She totally died. Oops. Don't worry, you're not running the country as the leader of the Rainbow Tour. You'll be just FINE. uhhhh INK MACHINE

yeah man...ink machine will make it all better! too bad for car accidents and emotional blackmail... oh, and thank god for you and madonna to remind me of the good time...;)

from: 'the birth and death of a friendship' february 7, 2005

fence said:

Well, I know I've heard FF, but I couldn't tell you what one of their songs was. They don't push my buttons either way

yeah fence, that's because they are a shitty band...but in the end this isn't about the music, this is about why hipsters drive me wacko jacko! (ew...i just said wacko jacko and instead of erasing it i will draw attention to it!)

from: 'the tattoo sago pt. 1' february 8, 2005

louise said:

I think you should get a tattoo on your pifty. If it means that the hot tattoo artist gets to touch your snatch, you should go for it...for reals.

no louise, there will be no pifty tattooing...that kids an apprentice! i don't want him near with a needle...i would however let him come near me with other things: fingers, tongues...you get the idea...

(i actually wrote something else in louise's blog... so go and see what it actually was...it was far more clever!)

Kevin said...
Sweet blog. My favorite entry was this one ('when from across the room'). Really great.Keep up the good work!

awww shucks kevin thanks!

check out kevin's blog because it's funny and awesome and i read it all the time...i love it!!

from: 'rental cars are weird' february 16, 2005

kevin said:

I just got rid of my car - and I couldn't be happier. I don't miss my 93 ford escort (two-door) at all. Nor do I miss the insurance payments (you're right - insurance is a scam) or the hassle of finding a place to park, or car accidents, or $2 gas, or... On the other hand, biking in -10 weather sucks. Ahh, michigan.

oh kevin...i know it gets pretty cold in michigan but i think we've got you beat! in the end i just don't want to have to spend money on anything ever...especially on a car or to an insurance company but such is life right...damn life...!

from: 'the end of an [emo] era' february 21, 2005

louise said:

Family day? Yeah right. What is a "family" anyways?A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children?Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place?Or all the members of a household under one roof?You tell me, bitches.

darling...i don't have a clue...you think you know but then you wake up one morning only to discover it's all bullshit!

from: 'rebellion is annoying' february 24, 2005

kevin said:

I whole-heartedly approve of your overuse of the world fuck. There is nothing in the world as satisfying as a well placed "fuck".Feel better soon.

then he said...

That should read "I whole-heartedly approve of your overuse of the word fuck. There is nothing in the wold as satisfying as a well placed "fuck".sorry.

then i said...

no no. you were right the first time kevin. no apologies necessary! ;)

but i realised i was an idiot so...

oh wait... i misread that too and took it to mean something sexual...oops.

and then louise said:

Fort Mac eh? Chicken soup, eh? This boy is corrupting your vegetarian morals.Watch it.

the boy isn't corrupting anything lou...he's just nice and wanted to make me feel better...i wouldn't eat the soup and it's the thought that counts...jeez! besides, i am a vegetarian for political reasons, not moral ones...just kidding! how pretentious was that!

from: 'what's the deal with cybersex' march 11, 2005

kevin said:

I have no idea. I never understood phonesex either. We live in a bizarre world.

yeah dude, no kidding eh? the phonesex thing makes a little more sense somehow...and if you're far away from someone you're already with or something...yeah, it's all pretty lost on me...i would just rather have SEX...go figure!

anonymous said:

Dunno who you are and you don't know who I am. That being said, I feel free to be pretty open and blunt.If you don't plan on meeting this guy (which you've already said you may), you can say anything you feel like saying. Granted, if you ever run for public office, you may come to regret things you've said (no pun intended). However, as one with Puh-lenty of experience with this subject, here's my $0.02. If ya wanna hook up with this guy, for more than just sex, don't do it. Make him get to know you first, get to know him better. you're right, he (or she?) may be sitting around just pulling your leg, egging you on to see how far he can get you to go. He may also be in danger of his wife/mommy walking in on him, as well. Ya just never know, till ya see 'em and get to know 'em.Yer living in cyber-land. Enjoy a cyber-relationship. Anything beyond that, ya gotta live by real-life rules. You willing to give this guy what he wants if you were to meet him at a restaurant or at a library or someplace? If so, go for it! have fun, make him beg!If not, wait. Don't give in. You'll find out if he's interested in more than just your typing abilities.Bottom line: if yer gonna meet, wait. If yer not, lock the bedroom door and go for it!

right, thanks anonymous...are you really anonymous or do i actually know you...or sort of know you? i wonder...anyhow, did i mention that ehead guy turned out to be a gigantic asshole? once the haze of alcohol and insomnia wore off i realised he was really mean after i dodged the subject and we haven't spoken since. meh, c'est la vie...what a strange world we live in...

from: 'the cold black tattoo to hot concrete' march 13, 2005

kevin said:

Somehow it's always the math teacher that gets told to fuck off. This confirms my belief that being a highschool math teacher is the worst occupation in the world. Ahh, rancid. The good old days. We are so old (24 is old? I guess so). Agent Orange, Redd Kross, T.S.O.L? Ancient. I never thought the day would come when I would ask "What ever happened to the Epitaph label, anyway?" Sigh. The worst part is that I don't even listen to punk anymore. I totally sold out. Remember "Soul Doubt" by NOFX? I think it was off of "S+M Airlines." Sorry for the rambling. It's just that I don't know many people who are still in the scene, so it's nice to commiserate with somebody who knows what I'm talking about.

it's funny because i don't really listen to too much punk anymore either and all those bands...*sigh*...nostalgia's a weird thing...24 is old at a certain point. whenever i go to a show, which is becoming less and less frequent, i am always stuck by how young these kids are...how young i was in 1995...14! holy fuck! as for the scene...don't even get me started i could go on a tirade right now...the funny thing about it all is the further i get away from thinking, 'wow, i'm so punk' the more punk i feel...it means something to me after all these years and i understand it's importance...i just keep being baffled by what time is capable of...


so kids, that all you wrote! i love it...i wish there were more!

xx alice.

p.s.:
louise's blog: http://indoorsports.blogspot.com
kevin's blog: http://thequasiworld.blogspot.com