just before i leave for lunch this afternoon i was visited by the ultimate in retail nastiness: the door-to-door salesman!
the door swings open and in walks a young man around 6'2'' with gorgeous chocolate brown skin and jet black hair. in his hands he carries 4 boxes.
man: hi! how are you today? gorgeous outside isn't it? now, i know you're probably not going to want any of this shit but bear with me ok...ok, so this first thing here, i don't have a fucking clue what it's for. i'm east indian we don't have anything like this but shit, you may know what it's for. usually they sell for $40 but i am willing to give you the four i've got left for $40 bux you just gotta hit me up with the gst.
ok, first of all dude, BREATH! although, i am sure he knew that if he took the time to take a breath that i would tell him to leave. second, i obviously don't have a problem with swearing (obviously) however, this dude doesn't know this and it's totally rude to swear around someone without first assertaining whether or not they are offended by it.
michelle: ok.
man: alright, how many people in your family?
michelle: uh...2?
man: alright, well you see this gorgeous games set. head over to dufferin and this thing'll run ya about $120 right? *i shrug* well, i am willing to offer the two of them to you for $85. there's a catch though.
michelle: oh yeah?
man: yeah, you gotta hit me up with the gst.
i say nothing, i have nothing to say about his tacky ass shit.
man: alright, you got a boyfriend?
michelle: nope.
man: girlfriend?
michelle: nope.
man: ha ha, you wouldn't believe how many people are bisexual. i always ask that as a joke and you wouldn't believe how many people are like, 'yes...'
he then proceeds to laugh at his own 'joke' for like 25secs. i sort of chuckle with confusion and just stand there.
man: alright, you ever heard of gucci?
michelle: yes.
man: well these watches are gucci's brother company and they usually sell for $100US and $125 canadian. my boss wants me to get rid of them at $120 each. alright, how many women do you know?
michelle: a lot?
man: alright, well take a look at these? which one is your favourite?
i look in a box full of some of the ugliest watches i have ever seen...y'know the ones with the heart-shaped faces?
michelle: to be honest, none of them. they aren't really my style. look at my watch.
i show him my watch: black face and band, 1" thick. simple. no heart-shaped faces here.
man: hey, that's cool. well alright, my boss is going to give which ever one of us comes back with all of our merchandise sold and $1000 bux in his pocket $500 towards our tuition. now, i'm a student and that'll make a huge dent so here's what i am going to do for you. which watch was your favourite.
michelle: none of them.
man: can you think of anyone who'd like them as a gift.
michelle: no.
man: do you think you could turn around and sell them?
michelle: no.
man: alright, you've convinced me. here's what i am going to do for you but keep this deal a secret ok. i am going to give you these two boxes of watches, that's 8 watches, for $45 bux and you can do with them as you please.
michelle: look dude, i am going to be honest with you. i am student too and just don't have money for that kind of stuff.
man: alright, what are you taking?
michelle: drama
man: ah, well how do i know this isn't an act.
my slight laugh tells him to fuck off.
man: well, you shouldn't leave your check sitting out.
exuent loser stage right.
(as he leaves) man: is this your beemer?
michelle: do i look like a can afford a BMW.
he shrugs and looks confused
michelle: no. it isn't mine.
and then just as the door is about to close behind him and all his useless shit and ugly watches he catches a customer on his way into the shop.
man: hey there! you ever heard of gucci?
fucking people!
michelle.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
will cigarettes turn my voice to pure sex?
nigel is the coolest kid on the block!
hands down.
nigel and i spent most of the weekend together and it was radical.
friday, may 27th, 2005
nigel's 22nd birthday. we met up at about 5:55pm and shuffled our flip flopped feet over the fantastical highlevel diner for some dinner time eats. actually, nigel wasn't wearing flip flops but i really like the alliteration so...
i am a vegetarian and nigel isn't but we both had the fantastical veggie burger with fries. the waiter was a bit upset with me because i didn't touch the homemade condiments provided with the order of a 'burger'. the only condiment i eat is mayo. i HATE, HATE, HATE ketchup more than any other condiment ever. the smell, the taste, the texture...all of it makes me want to hurl. also, i am not a fan of relish or dijon mustard. i apologize for allowing the condiments to go to waste but there is nothing i could do to convince my tastebuds that they wanted to consume ketchup, either kind of relish or dijon mustard.
after our fantastic veggie burgers i was really hoping for some cheesecake. in my mind the highlevel diner is famous for their cheesecake. it makes me a little hot actually...ANYHOW, neither of the flavours really appealed to me but the dark chocolate raspberry would have sufficed. alas, they were out and the other kind was not good. i don't like orange and chocolate together. i dislike that flavour almost as much as i dislike the flavour of ketchup. so, instead we had a little mango and raspberry sorbet combo. nigel isn't a big fan of the mango (yes, he smokes crack...) but i love it...the caribbean girl in me dies at the taste of mango...*drool*
after our fantastic dinner we mosied over to the timms centre for the arts to see the david allen king's production of a play called hysteria. it was a play about the last hysteria fueled hours of dr. sigmund freud...it was alright. i got a little annoyed by it as the end approached and i felt a little bad when i snapped my gum in the middle of a rather pregnant pause...meh.
after the play nigel and i headed to our, or my former and his current perhaps, haunt: a little skanky bar across the street from the timms called scholars. i used to spend a lot of time there. a lot of time under table there making a loud and obnoxious (albeit amusing) ass of myself.
now, i don't drink very much. thinking about it i can't really remember the last time i got tanked. i think paris in november perhaps...not sure. anyhow, i was planning on staying at nigel's place so the beer flowed, i smoked too much and then tara and ryan came and we made our way to the fantastically dive-y garneau pub. nigel left me to my own devices while he went to party at buddy's...but not before i was able to spectacularly impress someone with just how crass i can be!
chris: alright, well, nigel and i are off to buddy's. sure no one wants to come.
michelle: nah chris, we're all good here. just you make sure that nigel gets his dick sucked. *michelle winks*
chris: uh right...well...uh...k...bye!
*michelle waves them off with enthusiasm*
i think i forgot a crucial piece of information in that little script. there were 4 other people sitting at the table, i speak insanely loud, and chris and i have never met.
anyhow, an hour and a pitcher or so later i stumble back to charles' place where he is a perfect gentleman, sleeps on the couch and lets me have his whole bed to pass out on!
the question that did arise however, and boys perhaps you can help me out with this one, are genital piercings possible on a boy who IS NOT circumcised? we assume that a prince albert is although we are not sure about others...anyone know? i am too lazy too google this and the only one's i've experienced have been on circumcised boys...
saturday, may 28, 2005
charles' alarm woke me bright and early at 7:01am so i could get my borrowed car home to my mother by 7:40am...killer! needless to say i went back to sleep until about 1:30pm where i proceeded to nurse my hangover with a long shower, a long soak for the new piercings, some good conversation, three episodes of 'six feet under' second season on dvd, and a fantastic orgasm!...or a fantastic couple of orgasms!
at around 7pm i headed off, blazer in tow, to check out a workshop production of a new play called 'sticky shoes' at the catalyst theatre (they don't have a website...). the show was fantastic. depressed the shit outta me and reminded me of some things i'd rather not be reminded of and have vowed not to discuss in blogland but it was really good!
the only thing about it that wasn't good was all the shit after the show. the thing about a staged reading is that they are for 'theatre people'...your average a-house theatre going audience (those morons willing to pay $45 for a shitty ticket to a shittier show) aren't going to get why there are actors with scripts in their hands and why there are music stands all over the stage and why the director introduces their show...sorry if this sounds elistist but it's the truth to a certain extent. 'sticky shoes' proves this point too. after the show almost 50% of the audience hung out afterwards to schmooze because it's was an audience of theatre people and with a cast of 18 that makes for a LOT of schmoozing. i am terrible at schmoozing! TERRIBLE. it makes me feel dirty to talk about myself that much and i hate trying to make positive shit up when the show is terrible. that being said, i had two good friends and an old mentor of mine in the show so i stayed, hugged and air kissed until i almost puked and finally was able to check my messages. (ew...did i just say, 'until i finally had time to check my messages...barf!)
anyhow, nigel had called and was hoping that i'd want to come over and pick up where we left off with angels in america. i went to safeways got some chips and some diet coke and headed over. i love nigel and i LOVE LOVE LOVE 'angels in america'. it is the single greatest play written in contemporary theatre history and possibly one the greatest and most theatrical movies ever made. i cannot say enough to do this work justice so i won't. i will say only these two things: 1) this work is perfect. not a single line should ever be cut; and 2) WATCH IT IDIOT! it will kill you and your mind will be blown!
i headed home and was tucked snug in my bed by 2:30am!
sunday, may 29, 2005
today was an interesting day all around.
i met two of my oldest and dearest friends for a 12:30pm brunch at cafe mosaics (a fab little vegetarian resturant) and somehow, after being told by both of them that pierced nipples are 'disgusting' and 'slutty' (???), we got onto the topic of abortion. i am not sure this is appropriate brunch conversation but it came up and i said, as did one of my two gals, that if i was pregnant right now there is no way i would keep the baby. it would be selfish and stupid of me to do so. anyhow, my other friend insists she is pro-choice although her definition of 'choice' is limited to rape and anyone under the age of 18. now, i generally like a good debate, especially around such intense moral/ethical issues but we agreed to disagree on this one. a wise choice you'd agree if you knew my friend and normally i would have been fine with 'agree to disagree' except that she brought it up for the rest of the afternoon making snide comments about my being a 'baby killer' and the like. i was NOT pleased.
after some random shopping i dropped her off at home and went home myself. i was feeling a bit nauseated so i took some medicine, had a bit of a nap, some more great conversation, a long hot shower and another couple fantastic orgasms.
9pm arrives and after another quick catnap (40min tops) i was ready to go again. i speed over the university and pick up nigel and we head down to the victory lounge to see noot and polmo polpo. both of whom were FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC by the by.
nigel and i both had a great time and nigel found his place amongst the disaffected hipsters quite well. fortunately for him he looks hot in a blazer.
the show was great but there was some awkward social moments as per usual, or at least as per what happens when you put michelle in a social situation with people way cooler than her and then give her just enough beer and nicotine to make her aware of how uncool she is but not enough to no longer care.
so two beers make me need to pee. it's inevitable really...so i run to the bathroom but i am stopped along the way by this guy whom i have never actually met but has promised me sex over msn many a time. so needless to say it was awkward as ass and i had to pee really bad. i was seriously running and he had to physically stop me.
to add embarrassment to an awkward situation, as i run past the dj booth to the bathroom i accidentally make eye contact with someone that i ignore on purpose. don't ask me to explain why i ignore him. he is a very nice person and has a warm smile but i am intensely shy around him...perhaps because he's so cute and the KING OF SCENESTERS!
anyhow, i pee and go back and chill with nigel and smoke some more. as i stand finishing my smoke insult is added to injury and msn guy (jon) comes up to me.
jon: so, you weren't going to say hi were you?
me: i was but i really had to pee. it was an emergency!
jon: well, you shouldn't wait so long.
me: uh...i know
jon: well, i am just looking out for your bladder.
me: thanks?
LONG AWKWARD SILENCE. we drag on our cigarettes in unison and don't speak. i am tense and really wishing that he was actually as cute as his photo makes him out to be or actually as clever as his msn persona makes him out to be. he is neither.
jon: so, you enjoying the show?
me: yeah, he's so awesome. i am just standing here awestruck trying to figure it all out.
jon: yeah, i smoked a huge joint before i came here so i am just enjoying the music.
me: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.........................
jon: ok, well i was on my way to get a beverage so...
me: k.
and exit jon stage right. now, i know this doesn't seem too terribly awkward but i assure you that it was and it was in no way helped along by the fact that i was surrounded on three sides by hipsters, all of whom are WAAAAAAAAAAY cooler than me.
so, the rest of the evening exists without incident. nigel and i are pooped so as soon as polmo polpo finishes his set we took off.
all in all one fan-fucking-tastic weekend with nigel, some good music, good beer and WAY to many cigarettes. hopefully my voice is well on it's way to being sexellently sexy!
xxx michelle.
hands down.
nigel and i spent most of the weekend together and it was radical.
friday, may 27th, 2005
nigel's 22nd birthday. we met up at about 5:55pm and shuffled our flip flopped feet over the fantastical highlevel diner for some dinner time eats. actually, nigel wasn't wearing flip flops but i really like the alliteration so...
i am a vegetarian and nigel isn't but we both had the fantastical veggie burger with fries. the waiter was a bit upset with me because i didn't touch the homemade condiments provided with the order of a 'burger'. the only condiment i eat is mayo. i HATE, HATE, HATE ketchup more than any other condiment ever. the smell, the taste, the texture...all of it makes me want to hurl. also, i am not a fan of relish or dijon mustard. i apologize for allowing the condiments to go to waste but there is nothing i could do to convince my tastebuds that they wanted to consume ketchup, either kind of relish or dijon mustard.
after our fantastic veggie burgers i was really hoping for some cheesecake. in my mind the highlevel diner is famous for their cheesecake. it makes me a little hot actually...ANYHOW, neither of the flavours really appealed to me but the dark chocolate raspberry would have sufficed. alas, they were out and the other kind was not good. i don't like orange and chocolate together. i dislike that flavour almost as much as i dislike the flavour of ketchup. so, instead we had a little mango and raspberry sorbet combo. nigel isn't a big fan of the mango (yes, he smokes crack...) but i love it...the caribbean girl in me dies at the taste of mango...*drool*
after our fantastic dinner we mosied over to the timms centre for the arts to see the david allen king's production of a play called hysteria. it was a play about the last hysteria fueled hours of dr. sigmund freud...it was alright. i got a little annoyed by it as the end approached and i felt a little bad when i snapped my gum in the middle of a rather pregnant pause...meh.
after the play nigel and i headed to our, or my former and his current perhaps, haunt: a little skanky bar across the street from the timms called scholars. i used to spend a lot of time there. a lot of time under table there making a loud and obnoxious (albeit amusing) ass of myself.
now, i don't drink very much. thinking about it i can't really remember the last time i got tanked. i think paris in november perhaps...not sure. anyhow, i was planning on staying at nigel's place so the beer flowed, i smoked too much and then tara and ryan came and we made our way to the fantastically dive-y garneau pub. nigel left me to my own devices while he went to party at buddy's...but not before i was able to spectacularly impress someone with just how crass i can be!
chris: alright, well, nigel and i are off to buddy's. sure no one wants to come.
michelle: nah chris, we're all good here. just you make sure that nigel gets his dick sucked. *michelle winks*
chris: uh right...well...uh...k...bye!
*michelle waves them off with enthusiasm*
i think i forgot a crucial piece of information in that little script. there were 4 other people sitting at the table, i speak insanely loud, and chris and i have never met.
anyhow, an hour and a pitcher or so later i stumble back to charles' place where he is a perfect gentleman, sleeps on the couch and lets me have his whole bed to pass out on!
the question that did arise however, and boys perhaps you can help me out with this one, are genital piercings possible on a boy who IS NOT circumcised? we assume that a prince albert is although we are not sure about others...anyone know? i am too lazy too google this and the only one's i've experienced have been on circumcised boys...
saturday, may 28, 2005
charles' alarm woke me bright and early at 7:01am so i could get my borrowed car home to my mother by 7:40am...killer! needless to say i went back to sleep until about 1:30pm where i proceeded to nurse my hangover with a long shower, a long soak for the new piercings, some good conversation, three episodes of 'six feet under' second season on dvd, and a fantastic orgasm!...or a fantastic couple of orgasms!
at around 7pm i headed off, blazer in tow, to check out a workshop production of a new play called 'sticky shoes' at the catalyst theatre (they don't have a website...). the show was fantastic. depressed the shit outta me and reminded me of some things i'd rather not be reminded of and have vowed not to discuss in blogland but it was really good!
the only thing about it that wasn't good was all the shit after the show. the thing about a staged reading is that they are for 'theatre people'...your average a-house theatre going audience (those morons willing to pay $45 for a shitty ticket to a shittier show) aren't going to get why there are actors with scripts in their hands and why there are music stands all over the stage and why the director introduces their show...sorry if this sounds elistist but it's the truth to a certain extent. 'sticky shoes' proves this point too. after the show almost 50% of the audience hung out afterwards to schmooze because it's was an audience of theatre people and with a cast of 18 that makes for a LOT of schmoozing. i am terrible at schmoozing! TERRIBLE. it makes me feel dirty to talk about myself that much and i hate trying to make positive shit up when the show is terrible. that being said, i had two good friends and an old mentor of mine in the show so i stayed, hugged and air kissed until i almost puked and finally was able to check my messages. (ew...did i just say, 'until i finally had time to check my messages...barf!)
anyhow, nigel had called and was hoping that i'd want to come over and pick up where we left off with angels in america. i went to safeways got some chips and some diet coke and headed over. i love nigel and i LOVE LOVE LOVE 'angels in america'. it is the single greatest play written in contemporary theatre history and possibly one the greatest and most theatrical movies ever made. i cannot say enough to do this work justice so i won't. i will say only these two things: 1) this work is perfect. not a single line should ever be cut; and 2) WATCH IT IDIOT! it will kill you and your mind will be blown!
i headed home and was tucked snug in my bed by 2:30am!
sunday, may 29, 2005
today was an interesting day all around.
i met two of my oldest and dearest friends for a 12:30pm brunch at cafe mosaics (a fab little vegetarian resturant) and somehow, after being told by both of them that pierced nipples are 'disgusting' and 'slutty' (???), we got onto the topic of abortion. i am not sure this is appropriate brunch conversation but it came up and i said, as did one of my two gals, that if i was pregnant right now there is no way i would keep the baby. it would be selfish and stupid of me to do so. anyhow, my other friend insists she is pro-choice although her definition of 'choice' is limited to rape and anyone under the age of 18. now, i generally like a good debate, especially around such intense moral/ethical issues but we agreed to disagree on this one. a wise choice you'd agree if you knew my friend and normally i would have been fine with 'agree to disagree' except that she brought it up for the rest of the afternoon making snide comments about my being a 'baby killer' and the like. i was NOT pleased.
after some random shopping i dropped her off at home and went home myself. i was feeling a bit nauseated so i took some medicine, had a bit of a nap, some more great conversation, a long hot shower and another couple fantastic orgasms.
9pm arrives and after another quick catnap (40min tops) i was ready to go again. i speed over the university and pick up nigel and we head down to the victory lounge to see noot and polmo polpo. both of whom were FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC by the by.
nigel and i both had a great time and nigel found his place amongst the disaffected hipsters quite well. fortunately for him he looks hot in a blazer.
the show was great but there was some awkward social moments as per usual, or at least as per what happens when you put michelle in a social situation with people way cooler than her and then give her just enough beer and nicotine to make her aware of how uncool she is but not enough to no longer care.
so two beers make me need to pee. it's inevitable really...so i run to the bathroom but i am stopped along the way by this guy whom i have never actually met but has promised me sex over msn many a time. so needless to say it was awkward as ass and i had to pee really bad. i was seriously running and he had to physically stop me.
to add embarrassment to an awkward situation, as i run past the dj booth to the bathroom i accidentally make eye contact with someone that i ignore on purpose. don't ask me to explain why i ignore him. he is a very nice person and has a warm smile but i am intensely shy around him...perhaps because he's so cute and the KING OF SCENESTERS!
anyhow, i pee and go back and chill with nigel and smoke some more. as i stand finishing my smoke insult is added to injury and msn guy (jon) comes up to me.
jon: so, you weren't going to say hi were you?
me: i was but i really had to pee. it was an emergency!
jon: well, you shouldn't wait so long.
me: uh...i know
jon: well, i am just looking out for your bladder.
me: thanks?
LONG AWKWARD SILENCE. we drag on our cigarettes in unison and don't speak. i am tense and really wishing that he was actually as cute as his photo makes him out to be or actually as clever as his msn persona makes him out to be. he is neither.
jon: so, you enjoying the show?
me: yeah, he's so awesome. i am just standing here awestruck trying to figure it all out.
jon: yeah, i smoked a huge joint before i came here so i am just enjoying the music.
me: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.........................
jon: ok, well i was on my way to get a beverage so...
me: k.
and exit jon stage right. now, i know this doesn't seem too terribly awkward but i assure you that it was and it was in no way helped along by the fact that i was surrounded on three sides by hipsters, all of whom are WAAAAAAAAAAY cooler than me.
so, the rest of the evening exists without incident. nigel and i are pooped so as soon as polmo polpo finishes his set we took off.
all in all one fan-fucking-tastic weekend with nigel, some good music, good beer and WAY to many cigarettes. hopefully my voice is well on it's way to being sexellently sexy!
xxx michelle.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
my new favourite place...
my favourite part of edmonton used to be the the part of the LRT ride when the train burst from underground to cross the river.
this spot is new favourite place in edmonton. i'll always remember it as somewhere special.
if you can find this spot you should stay there until the sun goes down and look out over this fair city. it's a pretty fucking cool spot.
to the person who showed me this spot, i thank you. you know who you are.
xo michelle.
this spot is new favourite place in edmonton. i'll always remember it as somewhere special.
if you can find this spot you should stay there until the sun goes down and look out over this fair city. it's a pretty fucking cool spot.
to the person who showed me this spot, i thank you. you know who you are.
xo michelle.
titties on the internet
alright...
so, i just did something, which i am about to repeat here, which is VERY out-of-character for yours truly.
below you will see a photo of my newly pierced left breast. pleased to meet all of you.
i am posting this photo partly because it was requested that i do so but also because there have been people who've asked me what it looks like-what a pierced nipple in general looks like-and i am happy to oblige...
the thing is all this piercing stuff: standing topless in a room and having a 12 gauge needles penetrate your nipple, the aftercare, etc...has really taken all the sex outta my breasts. i mean i know that in 4 months when i am once again allowed oral or manual contact it'll all be very exciting but right now there is no difference to me between this:
(my hand)
and this:
(my left tit)
when i look at it i just wonder if it looks swollen or like i need a tan.
so, comment on the tit if you so desire...i'm curious...
xxx michelle.
so, i just did something, which i am about to repeat here, which is VERY out-of-character for yours truly.
below you will see a photo of my newly pierced left breast. pleased to meet all of you.
i am posting this photo partly because it was requested that i do so but also because there have been people who've asked me what it looks like-what a pierced nipple in general looks like-and i am happy to oblige...
the thing is all this piercing stuff: standing topless in a room and having a 12 gauge needles penetrate your nipple, the aftercare, etc...has really taken all the sex outta my breasts. i mean i know that in 4 months when i am once again allowed oral or manual contact it'll all be very exciting but right now there is no difference to me between this:
(my hand)
and this:
(my left tit)
when i look at it i just wonder if it looks swollen or like i need a tan.
so, comment on the tit if you so desire...i'm curious...
xxx michelle.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
theft
alright,
so it appears that all i feel like doing today is stealing clever things i read and posting them on my blog.
meh...here's another.
i stole this from the may 2005 edition of spin magazine. yes, i know spin is trash but i wish i was sleeping with conor oberst so...
SEVEN TELLTALE SIGNS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SLEEPING WITH CONOR OBERST
1. your desaparecidos cd is missing-again.
2. asks if "conor" is spelt with two n's or one as she's updating her blog.
3. expresses interest in seeing carhenge, nebraska's all-automobile re-creation of stonehenge.
4. wants to know what, exactly, a "cornhusker" is required to do.
5. thinks bright eyes isn't such a bad band name
6. calls digital ash in a digital urn "the next OK computer"
7. wants to know who the hell that bitch emmylou harris thinks she is.
whatever, i laughed and after a couple of listens digital ash in a digital urn is a strong record.
michelle kennedy-oberst.
so it appears that all i feel like doing today is stealing clever things i read and posting them on my blog.
meh...here's another.
i stole this from the may 2005 edition of spin magazine. yes, i know spin is trash but i wish i was sleeping with conor oberst so...
SEVEN TELLTALE SIGNS YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS SLEEPING WITH CONOR OBERST
1. your desaparecidos cd is missing-again.
2. asks if "conor" is spelt with two n's or one as she's updating her blog.
3. expresses interest in seeing carhenge, nebraska's all-automobile re-creation of stonehenge.
4. wants to know what, exactly, a "cornhusker" is required to do.
5. thinks bright eyes isn't such a bad band name
6. calls digital ash in a digital urn "the next OK computer"
7. wants to know who the hell that bitch emmylou harris thinks she is.
whatever, i laughed and after a couple of listens digital ash in a digital urn is a strong record.
michelle kennedy-oberst.
ten things you can't say to a white person upon first meeting
i got this email from the edmonton small press association and it made me laugh so enjoy:
(Thanks to Aaron Wilson for sending)
Top 10 Things You Can't Say To A White Person Upon First Meeting:
10. How much white are you?
9. I'm part white myself, you know.
8. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts.
7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded white-Canadian princess.
6. Funny, you don't look white.
5. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?
4. Do you live in a covered wagon?
3. What's the meaning behind the square dance?
2. What's your feeling about river-boat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?
1. Oh wow! I really love your hair! Can I touch it?
strangely enough, #1 has actually happened to me, A LOT! damn curls.
michelle.
(Thanks to Aaron Wilson for sending)
Top 10 Things You Can't Say To A White Person Upon First Meeting:
10. How much white are you?
9. I'm part white myself, you know.
8. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts.
7. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded white-Canadian princess.
6. Funny, you don't look white.
5. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?
4. Do you live in a covered wagon?
3. What's the meaning behind the square dance?
2. What's your feeling about river-boat casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?
1. Oh wow! I really love your hair! Can I touch it?
strangely enough, #1 has actually happened to me, A LOT! damn curls.
michelle.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
pleased to meet you...
alright kiddos!
i have learned how to post photos on this wonderful blog here so please allow me to introduce myself with a photo of well...myself...or sort of myself...
my sister took this photo at the weakerthans while i was staking my place at the front of the stage. i was tired and hate having my photo taken.
that being said i do like how this photo makes me appear sort of skinny...
please to meet y'all.
michelle.
i have learned how to post photos on this wonderful blog here so please allow me to introduce myself with a photo of well...myself...or sort of myself...
my sister took this photo at the weakerthans while i was staking my place at the front of the stage. i was tired and hate having my photo taken.
that being said i do like how this photo makes me appear sort of skinny...
please to meet y'all.
michelle.
look out luigi
alright, so i am bored and wasting time and snooping around the internet and i came across this:
fuck, i am a loser-a bored loser- and that's the worst kind.
michelle.
and apparently if i wasn't mario i'd be pacman...i kind of wish i was pacman. |
fuck, i am a loser-a bored loser- and that's the worst kind.
michelle.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
summer-tastic musica!
alright kids,
i have been wasting a lot of time lately listening to some shit-tastic music but the next two or so months will erase all that embarassment from my brain and y'all, or y'all that live in deadmonton, should come on out and be cool with me!
michelle's summer concert series:
*disclaimer: this is not MY concert series as i had NOTHING to do with the bringing of these bands to town but for the purpose of a snappy title i had dubbed it MINE so...disclaimer over*
link provided where possible:
may 29, 2005
polmopolpo is playing with noot (making his live debut) at the victory lounge
june 1, 2005
fractal pattern with guests
at the sidetrack
fractal pattern are my favourite local band and they should be your's as well!
june 2, 2005
caribou (formerly manitoba) with
junior boys and the russian futurists
at new city
this show is also going to rock in a way that will make you shake yo' ass...so go!
june 15 and 16, 2005
rumour and conjecture aside...and i have no idea what the real deal is with this but apparently blonde redhead are doing a one-off at new city...if true i am wet with excitement and may have to go twice; if untrue i may die.
june 18, 2005
xiu xiu with guests junior bloomsday and this song is a mess and so am i (i am listening to these guys right now and my face is peeling off...so cool...)
at the freemason's hall. (i don't have a clue where this is...hmmm)
anyhow, xiu xiu make me happy and junior bloomsday/divisionandwellesley is one of my fav local singer/songwriters...GO GO GO to this show!!
july 24, 2005
tortoise!!! will be playing a show after their appearance at the calgary folk-fest at the starlite room!!!
and i am sure there are millions more i am missing...jeff? did i miss you at all?
but kids, see shows, talk about them and come see me and louise at folk fest in august and bring weed!
michelle, pumped!
i have been wasting a lot of time lately listening to some shit-tastic music but the next two or so months will erase all that embarassment from my brain and y'all, or y'all that live in deadmonton, should come on out and be cool with me!
michelle's summer concert series:
*disclaimer: this is not MY concert series as i had NOTHING to do with the bringing of these bands to town but for the purpose of a snappy title i had dubbed it MINE so...disclaimer over*
link provided where possible:
may 29, 2005
polmopolpo is playing with noot (making his live debut) at the victory lounge
june 1, 2005
fractal pattern with guests
at the sidetrack
fractal pattern are my favourite local band and they should be your's as well!
june 2, 2005
caribou (formerly manitoba) with
junior boys and the russian futurists
at new city
this show is also going to rock in a way that will make you shake yo' ass...so go!
june 15 and 16, 2005
rumour and conjecture aside...and i have no idea what the real deal is with this but apparently blonde redhead are doing a one-off at new city...if true i am wet with excitement and may have to go twice; if untrue i may die.
june 18, 2005
xiu xiu with guests junior bloomsday and this song is a mess and so am i (i am listening to these guys right now and my face is peeling off...so cool...)
at the freemason's hall. (i don't have a clue where this is...hmmm)
anyhow, xiu xiu make me happy and junior bloomsday/divisionandwellesley is one of my fav local singer/songwriters...GO GO GO to this show!!
july 24, 2005
tortoise!!! will be playing a show after their appearance at the calgary folk-fest at the starlite room!!!
and i am sure there are millions more i am missing...jeff? did i miss you at all?
but kids, see shows, talk about them and come see me and louise at folk fest in august and bring weed!
michelle, pumped!
when i was 11
or so i started listening to a then somewhat less famous band called greenday and fell instantly in love with them. my little love-in with greenday also led me to the discovery of a tonne of other bands that in a very round-about way got me well into punk rock and on the path to being the shifty vagrant that i am today, all by the time i was 14...
until last week (may 19, 2005) i had never seen greenday in concert. they'd been once in my memory but it was at a time when i was all about way to fucking hardcore to ever admit that i like greenday...no, i wasn't cool at all, i just thought i was. listening to nothing but rancid did not make me cool...
on a side note, rancid have REALLY gone downhill as a band; their latest release really sucks my ass.
digression over:
so, until last week i had never seen greenday live.
now i have and lemme tell you kids, it was fucking amazing!!
the emo-tastic my chemical romance opened and made me laugh with their emo-silliness.
allow me to digress again for just a moment. i generally have no problem with people who would be, by a certain hipster population, be considered emo. i like it when people feel comfortable enough to express an emotion or, god forbid, cry. when it becomes emo-tastic and silly is when it's all cliche about black and broken hearts bleeding on the floor...silliness!
digression over: my chemical romance are the pinnacle of emo-silliness. they thanked greenday and the audience from the bottom of their 'black hearts' and then proceeded to scream their last song, doubtlessly about a dead girlfriend or a broken heart, until i was ready to cry.
during mcr's silly set this drunken moron sitting behind me had imbibed a bit too much and decided that mcr were just about the best band ever. he stood up and immediately fell down...ON MY FACE!! elbow, shoulder, and then heel into my right cheek.
so, i know what you're all thinking, 'michelle, you were at a fucking concert. i'm sure you've been kicked in the face before.' and yes, i have been kicked in the face before, more times than i can remember... i don't like being kicked in the face and i especially don't like being kicked in the face sitting in section 208 row 35 of motherfucking rexall place! it hurt, i had a headache for the rest of the show, and when the show was over i felt sick and concussed and had to miss nigel's birthday...
ANYHOW...after my emo-tastic romance and some time spent listening to this drunk asshole apologize over and over GREENDAY played...
i have to tell you, dear reader, that i haven't felt that good at a show EVER. i felt like i was 11 years old discovering this band all over again. it was as if i'd never seen a show before. i danced, i sang along to EVERY song (even the spectacular operation ivy cover) and was all sweaty and excited and hoarse by the time i left.
those two hours (yes, they played for nearly TWO HOURS!!) were the greatest two hours of rock and roll i have ever seen...and i've seen bowie!
nothing can beat that moment when you're reminded of why you started listening to a band for the first time and why, after 12 or so years, you're still listening. that show reminded me of all the reasons i love music...cheesy? probably, but i don't give a shit!!
all that being said, is this the best show i have ever seen? yes and no...best GIGANTIC stadium rock show? you bet...i can't compare bright eyes and greenday to really decide which was better...
apples and oranges and comparison is unnecessary!!
c'est tout!
michelle.
until last week (may 19, 2005) i had never seen greenday in concert. they'd been once in my memory but it was at a time when i was all about way to fucking hardcore to ever admit that i like greenday...no, i wasn't cool at all, i just thought i was. listening to nothing but rancid did not make me cool...
on a side note, rancid have REALLY gone downhill as a band; their latest release really sucks my ass.
digression over:
so, until last week i had never seen greenday live.
now i have and lemme tell you kids, it was fucking amazing!!
the emo-tastic my chemical romance opened and made me laugh with their emo-silliness.
allow me to digress again for just a moment. i generally have no problem with people who would be, by a certain hipster population, be considered emo. i like it when people feel comfortable enough to express an emotion or, god forbid, cry. when it becomes emo-tastic and silly is when it's all cliche about black and broken hearts bleeding on the floor...silliness!
digression over: my chemical romance are the pinnacle of emo-silliness. they thanked greenday and the audience from the bottom of their 'black hearts' and then proceeded to scream their last song, doubtlessly about a dead girlfriend or a broken heart, until i was ready to cry.
during mcr's silly set this drunken moron sitting behind me had imbibed a bit too much and decided that mcr were just about the best band ever. he stood up and immediately fell down...ON MY FACE!! elbow, shoulder, and then heel into my right cheek.
so, i know what you're all thinking, 'michelle, you were at a fucking concert. i'm sure you've been kicked in the face before.' and yes, i have been kicked in the face before, more times than i can remember... i don't like being kicked in the face and i especially don't like being kicked in the face sitting in section 208 row 35 of motherfucking rexall place! it hurt, i had a headache for the rest of the show, and when the show was over i felt sick and concussed and had to miss nigel's birthday...
ANYHOW...after my emo-tastic romance and some time spent listening to this drunk asshole apologize over and over GREENDAY played...
i have to tell you, dear reader, that i haven't felt that good at a show EVER. i felt like i was 11 years old discovering this band all over again. it was as if i'd never seen a show before. i danced, i sang along to EVERY song (even the spectacular operation ivy cover) and was all sweaty and excited and hoarse by the time i left.
those two hours (yes, they played for nearly TWO HOURS!!) were the greatest two hours of rock and roll i have ever seen...and i've seen bowie!
nothing can beat that moment when you're reminded of why you started listening to a band for the first time and why, after 12 or so years, you're still listening. that show reminded me of all the reasons i love music...cheesy? probably, but i don't give a shit!!
all that being said, is this the best show i have ever seen? yes and no...best GIGANTIC stadium rock show? you bet...i can't compare bright eyes and greenday to really decide which was better...
apples and oranges and comparison is unnecessary!!
c'est tout!
michelle.
Friday, May 20, 2005
hot tits
got the nipples pierced today!!
my tits look hot but i wish they were allowed some oral contact... :(
pictures may soon follow!
xo michelle.
my tits look hot but i wish they were allowed some oral contact... :(
pictures may soon follow!
xo michelle.
a saw a concert
on tuesday i had the pleasure of hitting up the venue equivalent of stalingrad (thanks jeff) for a little concert!
actually it was a gigantic concert of awesomeness and no so much awesomeness...i'll chat about now!
...and you'll know us by the trail of dead with guests the (international) noise conspiracy and we were wolves
red's. may 17th, 2005
we were wolves are this cool arty band from montreal with a limited knowledge of english but a vast knowledge of rock! (ha ha...how lame am i?) anyhow, i'd heard a couple of songs on the radio here and there and didn't really have a feeling about them either way. first impression: rad! two seconds later i was sure i was going to get bored of the cliched 'art-rock' thing they had going on but...three seconds later until the end of their short but sweet set i was sure they were rad! i am still sure they are pretty rad! verdict: rad!
(side note: i tried to find a website for y'all to check out but i couldn't. if anyone comes across one please let me know)
the (international) noise conspiracy are one of my FAVOURITE bands! they killed! KILLED! so much energy and joy to their show. they are a band who, without a doubt, LOVE what they are doing and have fun with it. it's so nice to see a band with something intellegent to say be totally rad without all the artifice of post-modern ironic hipster bullshit. you aren't that cool, denis lyxzen knows you aren't that cool so just fucking dance and stop trying to be cool!! they KILLED! i love this band!
and finally...
...and you will know us by the trail of dead were not my favourite. to be honest i found them a bit boring. while their two amazing drummers made me a little bowl of panty soup i just couldn't get past the uber-masculine-prog-taking-ourselves-WAY-too-seriously-bombast! they are good musicians but remember boys, rockin' out can be fun too...
i just can't understand how you can take yourself seriously when you're play the tambourine...c'mon you emo-tastic idiots...HAVE FUN!! your black hearts and cheesy as shit lyrics will probably forgive you!
c'est tout!
michelle.
actually it was a gigantic concert of awesomeness and no so much awesomeness...i'll chat about now!
...and you'll know us by the trail of dead with guests the (international) noise conspiracy and we were wolves
red's. may 17th, 2005
we were wolves are this cool arty band from montreal with a limited knowledge of english but a vast knowledge of rock! (ha ha...how lame am i?) anyhow, i'd heard a couple of songs on the radio here and there and didn't really have a feeling about them either way. first impression: rad! two seconds later i was sure i was going to get bored of the cliched 'art-rock' thing they had going on but...three seconds later until the end of their short but sweet set i was sure they were rad! i am still sure they are pretty rad! verdict: rad!
(side note: i tried to find a website for y'all to check out but i couldn't. if anyone comes across one please let me know)
the (international) noise conspiracy are one of my FAVOURITE bands! they killed! KILLED! so much energy and joy to their show. they are a band who, without a doubt, LOVE what they are doing and have fun with it. it's so nice to see a band with something intellegent to say be totally rad without all the artifice of post-modern ironic hipster bullshit. you aren't that cool, denis lyxzen knows you aren't that cool so just fucking dance and stop trying to be cool!! they KILLED! i love this band!
and finally...
...and you will know us by the trail of dead were not my favourite. to be honest i found them a bit boring. while their two amazing drummers made me a little bowl of panty soup i just couldn't get past the uber-masculine-prog-taking-ourselves-WAY-too-seriously-bombast! they are good musicians but remember boys, rockin' out can be fun too...
i just can't understand how you can take yourself seriously when you're play the tambourine...c'mon you emo-tastic idiots...HAVE FUN!! your black hearts and cheesy as shit lyrics will probably forgive you!
c'est tout!
michelle.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
some scary ass shit!
Extreme Truths
in my boredom at work i hit the 'next blog' button and almost vomit all over the keyboard.
fuck me gently with a chainsaw is this shit unpleasant. people like this make me WANT to have an abortion!!
ugh!
in my boredom at work i hit the 'next blog' button and almost vomit all over the keyboard.
fuck me gently with a chainsaw is this shit unpleasant. people like this make me WANT to have an abortion!!
ugh!
rip ian curtis
today is the 25th anniversary of ian curtis' death.
sad that joy division never became the MOST GIGANTIC BAND ON EARTH because they could have been.
xo michelle.
p.s. is it annoying that i insist on posting single-thought posts that are short but abundant?
sad that joy division never became the MOST GIGANTIC BAND ON EARTH because they could have been.
xo michelle.
p.s. is it annoying that i insist on posting single-thought posts that are short but abundant?
with gratitude for fun!
dear thomas and louise:
i wanted to write to express my gratitude for a wonderful evening at the auntie's place on monday night.
i thoroughly enjoy the company of you both and i can't imagine what a night with you, louise, would be like without funny accents and a lot of singing.
thanks for the weed and the fun! i haven't laughed that much in ages.
y'all rock!
xx m.
i wanted to write to express my gratitude for a wonderful evening at the auntie's place on monday night.
i thoroughly enjoy the company of you both and i can't imagine what a night with you, louise, would be like without funny accents and a lot of singing.
thanks for the weed and the fun! i haven't laughed that much in ages.
y'all rock!
xx m.
the tattoo saga pt. 6
alright...so not so much about tattooing because i am still in a holding pattern until after this gong show of a wedding but i am getting pierced on friday...
louise and i are venturing back to ritualistics for a little needle action.
louise will be getting her nose pierced (i've already got that one) while i will be getting BOTH my nipples pierced.
cool eh? i am so pumped! it's gonna be soooo hot!
plus, one of the piercers at ritualistics is soooooooo hot so hopefully he'll be the one gently cupping my breasts and then ramming a needle through the nipples!
man, i can hardly wait!!
xx m.
louise and i are venturing back to ritualistics for a little needle action.
louise will be getting her nose pierced (i've already got that one) while i will be getting BOTH my nipples pierced.
cool eh? i am so pumped! it's gonna be soooo hot!
plus, one of the piercers at ritualistics is soooooooo hot so hopefully he'll be the one gently cupping my breasts and then ramming a needle through the nipples!
man, i can hardly wait!!
xx m.
Monday, May 16, 2005
combination word of the day: slack-ass
so, the frequent readers of this here blog know that i recently started my own theatre company with a friend. well, this friend doesn't do any work at all and i no longer feel guilty about swiping the 'artistic director' title from under her nose. shit, i'd call her the 'slack-ass spoiled actor' director...ha ha...tash, i am kidding of course.
i shouldn't say that because she is doing as much as she's able. that's the thing about us doing this the way we are (without grants and stuff) because it means we all still have to work...i have a slack-ass job and can do whatever i please (like blog).
anyhow, as part of the "sponsorship package" i have to write out a brief synopsis of the play and an explanation about why this play is appropriate for our company, why i chose it, etc...it means i have to be equal parts pretentious and passionate; with a nice chunck of ewww thrown in for good measure.
so, i worked on it last night and ended up writing about jeff tweedy and wilco being awesome and today this (in all is shit-tastic glory) is what i came up with.
*note: the writing is BAD, i know. don't comment on the BAD writing. this is merely to reflect that i have an extremely slack-ass job and that i am procrastinating like crazy! *
Tough!
By George F. Walker
Questions of who we are and our place in the world are common when we’re nineteen. This isn’t something special reserved for rich kids or poor kids; kids with access to post secondary education or kids without. It is the condition of the almost adult. When I was nineteen I felt stuck between adulthood and knowing that it wasn’t far off I resisted, getting stuck for a time, in the in-between.
So when I sat down to read plays for our new company where the oldest person involved is only 29, I couldn’t help but choose “Tough!” because we all know, if not specifically, the plight of these characters.
Ok, so I still hate doing this shit and I am still procrastinating and still have nothing worth saying about why I want to do this play.
Why? Why? Why? Blah blah blah fucking blah…who cares!! Who’s gonna give me money because I can write something intelligent about this play.
What’s this thing even about? It’s about three otherwise completely and blandly average thrown into an extreme situation and are forced to deal with it. It isn’t the trite fucking teen after school drama thing that people often make it out to be. Teen pregnancy does not equal moralizing don’t have sex before marriage or else you’re fucked…at least not in this play.
BAH! I don’t care. All I want to do right now is sleep. Honestly, I just want to sleep for like an hour, go for a run, masturbate, shower and then maybe watch some television. I slept very little last night...is all that too much to ask.
I guess so!
Ugh…!
so, bask in my crap and hopefully i will get some ACTUAL work done of this thing at some point before the end of the day!
michelle.
i shouldn't say that because she is doing as much as she's able. that's the thing about us doing this the way we are (without grants and stuff) because it means we all still have to work...i have a slack-ass job and can do whatever i please (like blog).
anyhow, as part of the "sponsorship package" i have to write out a brief synopsis of the play and an explanation about why this play is appropriate for our company, why i chose it, etc...it means i have to be equal parts pretentious and passionate; with a nice chunck of ewww thrown in for good measure.
so, i worked on it last night and ended up writing about jeff tweedy and wilco being awesome and today this (in all is shit-tastic glory) is what i came up with.
*note: the writing is BAD, i know. don't comment on the BAD writing. this is merely to reflect that i have an extremely slack-ass job and that i am procrastinating like crazy! *
Tough!
By George F. Walker
Questions of who we are and our place in the world are common when we’re nineteen. This isn’t something special reserved for rich kids or poor kids; kids with access to post secondary education or kids without. It is the condition of the almost adult. When I was nineteen I felt stuck between adulthood and knowing that it wasn’t far off I resisted, getting stuck for a time, in the in-between.
So when I sat down to read plays for our new company where the oldest person involved is only 29, I couldn’t help but choose “Tough!” because we all know, if not specifically, the plight of these characters.
Ok, so I still hate doing this shit and I am still procrastinating and still have nothing worth saying about why I want to do this play.
Why? Why? Why? Blah blah blah fucking blah…who cares!! Who’s gonna give me money because I can write something intelligent about this play.
What’s this thing even about? It’s about three otherwise completely and blandly average thrown into an extreme situation and are forced to deal with it. It isn’t the trite fucking teen after school drama thing that people often make it out to be. Teen pregnancy does not equal moralizing don’t have sex before marriage or else you’re fucked…at least not in this play.
BAH! I don’t care. All I want to do right now is sleep. Honestly, I just want to sleep for like an hour, go for a run, masturbate, shower and then maybe watch some television. I slept very little last night...is all that too much to ask.
I guess so!
Ugh…!
so, bask in my crap and hopefully i will get some ACTUAL work done of this thing at some point before the end of the day!
michelle.
Sunday, May 15, 2005
i used to write things...like creative things...
I have an abusive relationship with my digestive system. I abuse it with stimulants and carbohydrates and dairy, and then later when I try to sleep it gets revenge. All in all, not a healthy relationship for either one of us. I can picture my nausea. The bile is a little man climbing his way up Esophagus Mountain. I can’t really clearly comprehend the visual I see when I close my eyes but it’s something like that. It’s there and it’s real and it makes me afraid. It makes me run to my mother sometimes or sit shivering on the bathroom floor thinking:
This must be what it feels like to die. Or to overdose…that’s it: I’m overdosing! I am overdosing on my own stomach acid and soon I’ll die asphyxiated on my own vomit.
There’s nothing like a rock star’s death for a hypochondriac who eats too much and has never done coke.
This must be what it feels like to die. Or to overdose…that’s it: I’m overdosing! I am overdosing on my own stomach acid and soon I’ll die asphyxiated on my own vomit.
There’s nothing like a rock star’s death for a hypochondriac who eats too much and has never done coke.
me and martha
me, lousie, martha wainright and an ounce.
man, i cannot fucking waste (or...WAIT...jesus!) for folk fest!!
august it too far away!
michelle.
man, i cannot fucking waste (or...WAIT...jesus!) for folk fest!!
august it too far away!
michelle.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
last one...
i shouldn't write when i haven't slept.
i should learn that it's ok to delete things that make you sound sad or crazy.
or not...
michelle, finished.
p.s. listen to martha wainwright!
i should learn that it's ok to delete things that make you sound sad or crazy.
or not...
michelle, finished.
p.s. listen to martha wainwright!
gdmjb
i saw a movie tonight.
it hollowed me out completely and i am not sure what the fuck i am doing right now.
i am so tired and i just can't think anymore tonight.
it's not sadness or empathy.
and it's not the hollowness i was accused of by the choir boy
it's not a good night.
it isn't bad night either and people have been extremely helpful.
it's just a night like any other night and were i haven't slept much and the world spins a little faster and slower.
below this i have been asked for 'word verification'...i wonder why? incase someone wants to fraudulantly post on my blog. how disappointing life must be if all you have is to post on other's blogs.
i am not sure how i feel about that. gdmjb is what they want to prove my identity.
'i will not put on a smile. i will not say i am alright for you.'
martha wainwright and the empty feeling in my stomach mean it's time for bed.
all the best and i'll see you all tomorrow...
gdmjb.
it hollowed me out completely and i am not sure what the fuck i am doing right now.
i am so tired and i just can't think anymore tonight.
it's not sadness or empathy.
and it's not the hollowness i was accused of by the choir boy
it's not a good night.
it isn't bad night either and people have been extremely helpful.
it's just a night like any other night and were i haven't slept much and the world spins a little faster and slower.
below this i have been asked for 'word verification'...i wonder why? incase someone wants to fraudulantly post on my blog. how disappointing life must be if all you have is to post on other's blogs.
i am not sure how i feel about that. gdmjb is what they want to prove my identity.
'i will not put on a smile. i will not say i am alright for you.'
martha wainwright and the empty feeling in my stomach mean it's time for bed.
all the best and i'll see you all tomorrow...
gdmjb.
...but my life isn't like that right now
there are nights when the words all come out at once and the lines of appropriate behaviour are obliterated and it all sort of falls together.
the price paid is exhaustion and a head full of thoughts you'd rather not have and you're know you're stupid but right.
art theory while half asleep, the phone falling from your hands.
fantastic!
michelle.
the price paid is exhaustion and a head full of thoughts you'd rather not have and you're know you're stupid but right.
art theory while half asleep, the phone falling from your hands.
fantastic!
michelle.
oral sex
hmmm...
perhaps it's all i need right now.
not the point of the this post. this post is proof of my lunacy and superfandom (both of which i remain proud of...
so, i had the pleasure of seeing the incomperable greg macpherson a little while back (april 16) and after the show i emailed him the following:
greg,
i just wanted to send you a quick note of thanks since i wasn't able to stay after the show on saturday in edmonton.
fan-fucking-tastic!that was, hands down and without contest, the BEST show i have seen in edmonton and definately one of the best shows i have ever seen (and i have seen a lot of shows...)!!
never have a seen a performer so unassuming and give so much warmth to the audience. it is obvious that you love what you do and i hope you do it forever.
thanks again.michellep.s. i hope this wasn't too cheesy. that hour and a bit is stuck with me forever now!
so, i waited and waited and never heard from mr. macpherson. i shed some tears and then got over it...then he emailed me back!!
i drooled over the following:
Hi Michelle,
Sorry for the delayed response to your email... I'm still on tour and don't get much internet time. Thank you VERY much for the kind words about our Edmonton show. Wow, I'm really happy you enjoyed it as much as you did. We had a great night that night and I can't wait to go back. It'll be sooner than later I'm sure.see you then,
Greg Mac
so i am all in love now...well not really in *love* but i wouldn't mind another greg macpherson show in this town and maybe he'll go down on me after the show...hee hee.
i wish that a post entitled 'oral sex' was more interesting than that but sorry kids...my life just isn't like that right now...so sad...
xx michelle.
perhaps it's all i need right now.
not the point of the this post. this post is proof of my lunacy and superfandom (both of which i remain proud of...
so, i had the pleasure of seeing the incomperable greg macpherson a little while back (april 16) and after the show i emailed him the following:
greg,
i just wanted to send you a quick note of thanks since i wasn't able to stay after the show on saturday in edmonton.
fan-fucking-tastic!that was, hands down and without contest, the BEST show i have seen in edmonton and definately one of the best shows i have ever seen (and i have seen a lot of shows...)!!
never have a seen a performer so unassuming and give so much warmth to the audience. it is obvious that you love what you do and i hope you do it forever.
thanks again.michellep.s. i hope this wasn't too cheesy. that hour and a bit is stuck with me forever now!
so, i waited and waited and never heard from mr. macpherson. i shed some tears and then got over it...then he emailed me back!!
i drooled over the following:
Hi Michelle,
Sorry for the delayed response to your email... I'm still on tour and don't get much internet time. Thank you VERY much for the kind words about our Edmonton show. Wow, I'm really happy you enjoyed it as much as you did. We had a great night that night and I can't wait to go back. It'll be sooner than later I'm sure.see you then,
Greg Mac
so i am all in love now...well not really in *love* but i wouldn't mind another greg macpherson show in this town and maybe he'll go down on me after the show...hee hee.
i wish that a post entitled 'oral sex' was more interesting than that but sorry kids...my life just isn't like that right now...so sad...
xx michelle.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
boys (and girls) please weigh in
september 11, 2005 will bring with it the dawn of my 24th birthday!
i worry about how old i am sometimes but then i think about 24 i am like, 'holy fuck! i'm young!!'
(i am obviously young; look how much i swear and blog...)
now, since i am 23 it can be correctly assumed that the majority of people around me are also around the same age, say 20-26-ish... now in this 20-26-ish age range that i find myself a part of, there are a good chunk of people who feel that at 23-24 they are starting to get OLD; and by old they mean ADULT.
i am NOT an adult.
part of the adulthood that these people who surround me are attempting to grab hold of is the marriage/breeding/house owning thing...
(does anyone else feel a chill as they read that?)
i am NOT into that. at least not now, when i am still young!
my best friend is getting married in july and they take possession of their brand spankin' new digs on the 31st of May...fuck me gently with a chainsaw!!
but i wish them all the best and that isn't the point of my post. the point of my post is this: until recently i was under the assumption that this nesting instinct was almost exclusively a female thing due to our indoctrination at an early age that in order to live complete and full lives we must marry and have babies.
until recently...
last week one of my dearest friends was unceremoniously dumped by her boyfriend because he was looking for a little permanency...
actually, he felt his biological clock ticking!! what the fuck boys? y'all can have kids for a long long time...i only have another 15-20 years left of breeding ability and i'm not worried. this dude's got another like...30 years at least...
so, i'm stumped. i understand (although do not agree with) the reasons why women feel like this but since when do guys feel pressure? maybe i have been living in my own little oppressed bubble and didn't notice.
so boys i am offering you a forum to discuss whether or not you feel pressured by whomever to listen to your biological clock and buy a house...talk to me.
michelle, curious.
i worry about how old i am sometimes but then i think about 24 i am like, 'holy fuck! i'm young!!'
(i am obviously young; look how much i swear and blog...)
now, since i am 23 it can be correctly assumed that the majority of people around me are also around the same age, say 20-26-ish... now in this 20-26-ish age range that i find myself a part of, there are a good chunk of people who feel that at 23-24 they are starting to get OLD; and by old they mean ADULT.
i am NOT an adult.
part of the adulthood that these people who surround me are attempting to grab hold of is the marriage/breeding/house owning thing...
(does anyone else feel a chill as they read that?)
i am NOT into that. at least not now, when i am still young!
my best friend is getting married in july and they take possession of their brand spankin' new digs on the 31st of May...fuck me gently with a chainsaw!!
but i wish them all the best and that isn't the point of my post. the point of my post is this: until recently i was under the assumption that this nesting instinct was almost exclusively a female thing due to our indoctrination at an early age that in order to live complete and full lives we must marry and have babies.
until recently...
last week one of my dearest friends was unceremoniously dumped by her boyfriend because he was looking for a little permanency...
actually, he felt his biological clock ticking!! what the fuck boys? y'all can have kids for a long long time...i only have another 15-20 years left of breeding ability and i'm not worried. this dude's got another like...30 years at least...
so, i'm stumped. i understand (although do not agree with) the reasons why women feel like this but since when do guys feel pressure? maybe i have been living in my own little oppressed bubble and didn't notice.
so boys i am offering you a forum to discuss whether or not you feel pressured by whomever to listen to your biological clock and buy a house...talk to me.
michelle, curious.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
the not so-wicked soon to be stepmom
so my dad's fiancee is not old enough to be my mother unless she was some kind of teenage slut.
i'm 23, she's 41. well, i suppose 18 wouldn't make her a slut and her oldest daughter is 19...
whatever, she isn't really actually old enough to be my mother and she's a bit stupid. seriously, i am not being snotty she just is a bit of an idiot...
anyhow, not the point. the point is that i think i REALLY pissed her off tonight.
i am NOT a big fan of weddings. to be honest i think they are silly and antiquated and basically irrelevant...especially when you're 41 and 55! but they're getting married and cool y'know; it's their choice.
part of this choice is getting married in mexico sometime in the first week of january. we are all going to mexico...and i mean ALL of us. me, my sister, my dad, her, her kids, her friends and a whole SHWACK of my dad's alcoholic sisters...(there are inordinate amount of alcoholics on my dad's side of the family) oh, and i think my (married) uncle is bringing his 30 year old ex-student girlfriend of 10 years whom his wife seems to be totally cool with...
all this is irrelevant and i am sure there will be posts to come about the insanity of the kennedy side of the family. so where was i heading...??
oh yeah, so we're at joey's tonight: me, my sis (rachel), my dad, his fiancee (sandy) and her daughters (sarah and nicole) and sandy is almost in tears because they can't book a wedding date at the resort until august. she is all worried because there is only one date that they can possibly have it. i got really annoyed by this fucking incessant whining and it's really just the icing on the excessive emailing cake...
so the conversation went down something like this:
(keep in mind i am annoyed and she's on the verge of tears)
s: i just want to make sure that we can actually get married.
m: well, there is no reason to stress about it in MAY when there's nothing that can be done until AUGUST...
s: i suppose, and i guess everyone can just stay for an extra week if it doesn't work out.
m: i can't.
s: WHAT?
m: how much does the extra week cost?
s: $450.
m: yeah...that's a lot. i won't be there that extra week.
s: but we're paying for the first week
m: yeah, and if you weren't i wouldn't be coming. do i look like i have three thousand dollars kicking around (i gesture to the holes in my hoodie)
s: michelle, i think you could be a little more grateful.
m: grateful? (LONG pause) whatever. there still isn't any reason to stress about it now.
GRATEFUL? is she fucking kidding me? GRATEFUL...i should be grateful? why, because you're buying my affection with all inclusive tequila soaked weeks? SHE should be grateful i didn't punch her in the face when i found out my dad was fucking her on the side. she should be grateful i even speak to her. shit, she should be GRATEFUL that i am even willing to look her in the eye.
i am not especially bitter about my parents splitting up. i was 20 when it happened and i know it was the better thing for the both of them...my lack of bitterness does not however mean that i accept adultery as a means to an end or that i enjoy the nights i spent with my mother as her heart broke over and over again...
all that said the last thing i am interested in hearing is the 'other women' tell her that i owe her some sort of gratitude!
that is fucking laughable. imagine if i had laughed in her face at the restaurant! my dad always worries that i am going to make a scene...i should some day just so everyone is clear where we all stand.
after all this went down i went back to my bellini and felt her eyes on me welling up with crocodile tears...god, i have no patience for crazy ass bitches like that!
save the guilt trips for my dad who's just happy to be fucking a younger fitter version of my mom.
here's to mexico!
michelle.
i'm 23, she's 41. well, i suppose 18 wouldn't make her a slut and her oldest daughter is 19...
whatever, she isn't really actually old enough to be my mother and she's a bit stupid. seriously, i am not being snotty she just is a bit of an idiot...
anyhow, not the point. the point is that i think i REALLY pissed her off tonight.
i am NOT a big fan of weddings. to be honest i think they are silly and antiquated and basically irrelevant...especially when you're 41 and 55! but they're getting married and cool y'know; it's their choice.
part of this choice is getting married in mexico sometime in the first week of january. we are all going to mexico...and i mean ALL of us. me, my sister, my dad, her, her kids, her friends and a whole SHWACK of my dad's alcoholic sisters...(there are inordinate amount of alcoholics on my dad's side of the family) oh, and i think my (married) uncle is bringing his 30 year old ex-student girlfriend of 10 years whom his wife seems to be totally cool with...
all this is irrelevant and i am sure there will be posts to come about the insanity of the kennedy side of the family. so where was i heading...??
oh yeah, so we're at joey's tonight: me, my sis (rachel), my dad, his fiancee (sandy) and her daughters (sarah and nicole) and sandy is almost in tears because they can't book a wedding date at the resort until august. she is all worried because there is only one date that they can possibly have it. i got really annoyed by this fucking incessant whining and it's really just the icing on the excessive emailing cake...
so the conversation went down something like this:
(keep in mind i am annoyed and she's on the verge of tears)
s: i just want to make sure that we can actually get married.
m: well, there is no reason to stress about it in MAY when there's nothing that can be done until AUGUST...
s: i suppose, and i guess everyone can just stay for an extra week if it doesn't work out.
m: i can't.
s: WHAT?
m: how much does the extra week cost?
s: $450.
m: yeah...that's a lot. i won't be there that extra week.
s: but we're paying for the first week
m: yeah, and if you weren't i wouldn't be coming. do i look like i have three thousand dollars kicking around (i gesture to the holes in my hoodie)
s: michelle, i think you could be a little more grateful.
m: grateful? (LONG pause) whatever. there still isn't any reason to stress about it now.
GRATEFUL? is she fucking kidding me? GRATEFUL...i should be grateful? why, because you're buying my affection with all inclusive tequila soaked weeks? SHE should be grateful i didn't punch her in the face when i found out my dad was fucking her on the side. she should be grateful i even speak to her. shit, she should be GRATEFUL that i am even willing to look her in the eye.
i am not especially bitter about my parents splitting up. i was 20 when it happened and i know it was the better thing for the both of them...my lack of bitterness does not however mean that i accept adultery as a means to an end or that i enjoy the nights i spent with my mother as her heart broke over and over again...
all that said the last thing i am interested in hearing is the 'other women' tell her that i owe her some sort of gratitude!
that is fucking laughable. imagine if i had laughed in her face at the restaurant! my dad always worries that i am going to make a scene...i should some day just so everyone is clear where we all stand.
after all this went down i went back to my bellini and felt her eyes on me welling up with crocodile tears...god, i have no patience for crazy ass bitches like that!
save the guilt trips for my dad who's just happy to be fucking a younger fitter version of my mom.
here's to mexico!
michelle.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
far less emo in the morning (or afternoon)
so i was just thinking about how lame i am for being so EMO-tarded last night and got to thinking about john and boys and whatever and then i went pee and had this thought.
why did i give 'john' the MOST GENERIC pseudonym ever? his real name isn't that generic.
just something i pondered.
michelle.
p.s. aren't you jealous that i have job that lets me blog ALL DAY!
why did i give 'john' the MOST GENERIC pseudonym ever? his real name isn't that generic.
just something i pondered.
michelle.
p.s. aren't you jealous that i have job that lets me blog ALL DAY!
howard died
the cbc told indecline about this and indecline told me and i felt sad about this.
i know louise will too because she helped to free howard from THE MALL *cue menacing soundtrack*
The last Edmonton dolphin, Howard, dies
Last Updated Mon, 09 May 2005 06:42:38 EDT
CBC News
EDMONTON - Howard, the last of the performing dolphins from the West Edmonton Mall, has died, about a year after moving to an aquatic park in the Florida Keys.
He was 26 – middle-aged, for a bottlenose dolphin – and the cause of death isn't yet known.
In the wild, dolphins can live past 40, though their lives are often shorter in captivity, and Howard was in poor health before he left Edmonton last spring.
Howard was caught with three other dolphins off the coast of Florida 20 years ago and they were brought to the West Edmonton Mall to perform.
The other three dolphins died in Edmonton in 2000, 2001 and 2003.
Beverley Osborne, curator at the Theater of the Sea, which had become Howard's new home, said he had adjusted well to the move back to Florida.
She said Howard had made "two very good friends" among other dolphins at the park, where they perform for and swim with tourists.
She said staff at the park are upset about his death, and an autopsy will be performed to determine how he died.
The Edmonton dolphin show was popular, but it was criticized by animal rights activists. A sea lion show is now put on at the mall twice each day.
Copyright ©2005 Canadian Broadcasting Corporation - All Rights Reserved
i know louise will too because she helped to free howard from THE MALL *cue menacing soundtrack*
The last Edmonton dolphin, Howard, dies
Last Updated Mon, 09 May 2005 06:42:38 EDT
CBC News
EDMONTON - Howard, the last of the performing dolphins from the West Edmonton Mall, has died, about a year after moving to an aquatic park in the Florida Keys.
He was 26 – middle-aged, for a bottlenose dolphin – and the cause of death isn't yet known.
In the wild, dolphins can live past 40, though their lives are often shorter in captivity, and Howard was in poor health before he left Edmonton last spring.
Howard was caught with three other dolphins off the coast of Florida 20 years ago and they were brought to the West Edmonton Mall to perform.
The other three dolphins died in Edmonton in 2000, 2001 and 2003.
Beverley Osborne, curator at the Theater of the Sea, which had become Howard's new home, said he had adjusted well to the move back to Florida.
She said Howard had made "two very good friends" among other dolphins at the park, where they perform for and swim with tourists.
She said staff at the park are upset about his death, and an autopsy will be performed to determine how he died.
The Edmonton dolphin show was popular, but it was criticized by animal rights activists. A sea lion show is now put on at the mall twice each day.
Copyright ©2005 Canadian Broadcasting Corporation - All Rights Reserved
Monday, May 09, 2005
EMO EMO EMO EMO
'the saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start'
thanks fiest!
so i have being doing really well-not thinking about john at all. really the only time i ever think of him anymore is when i hear mention of a hardcore band from vancouver...then i wonder if it's him and he's doing what he was meant to do.
i HAVE BEEN doing well. right now i am not doing so well with it. RIGHT THIS SECOND i wanna get on a plane.
i want to get on a plane, fly to the ocean, confess all my sins and be in the exact same place i am now except the heartbreak would be complete and she'd be there to actually laugh in my face for real. it's a recipie for disaster and yet i am more than willing to turn on the oven...
of course i am not going to get on a plane and fly to vancouver. fortunately my BRAIN is a little stronger than my heart...
tonight at 11:59pm, i will sit here in front of my computer wallowing in self pity, fantasizing about things that will never happen between he and i...ANY 'he and i' and being all fucking emo!
now, where is my vibrator and dashboard confessional cd.
michelle, sad.
thanks fiest!
so i have being doing really well-not thinking about john at all. really the only time i ever think of him anymore is when i hear mention of a hardcore band from vancouver...then i wonder if it's him and he's doing what he was meant to do.
i HAVE BEEN doing well. right now i am not doing so well with it. RIGHT THIS SECOND i wanna get on a plane.
i want to get on a plane, fly to the ocean, confess all my sins and be in the exact same place i am now except the heartbreak would be complete and she'd be there to actually laugh in my face for real. it's a recipie for disaster and yet i am more than willing to turn on the oven...
of course i am not going to get on a plane and fly to vancouver. fortunately my BRAIN is a little stronger than my heart...
tonight at 11:59pm, i will sit here in front of my computer wallowing in self pity, fantasizing about things that will never happen between he and i...ANY 'he and i' and being all fucking emo!
now, where is my vibrator and dashboard confessional cd.
michelle, sad.
speechless
i recieved this via email from resist today. please read it.
thanks, michelle.
The Top 5 Things I Need When I Am HomelessBy Kirsten Anderberg (www.kirstenanderberg.com)
I am going through homelessness in America yet again, due to being borne into the non-land owning caste, and class prejudice that is unconscionable. And as I battle through this insane maze that defies logic and humanity, putting profits before people and their right to dignity, I am identifying certain reoccurring needs throughout these repeating homelessness cycles in life. My current needs are 1) Daily Storage, 2) Phone Contact, 3) Privacy, 4) Daily Space I Am Allowed to Be In, and 5) Access to Bathrooms. Those are the things I need just to survive and stay homeless. To actually obtain housing, I also need access to a never ending stream of $40 application fees, and some land owner who will rent to someone with a perfect rental history for the last 5+ years, but who has bad credit.
I have heard it said that one of the reasons society stigmatizes the poor is to fictionalize that poverty only happens to “bad” people, thus it could not happen to them. Claiming personal responsibility for race, class, and gender privileges is like blaming individual people who are poor for social discrimination against the poor, people of color and women. Same exact thing, just two different ends of the spectrum. I am experiencing homelessness again first hand, and I am not enjoying it. I have never been evicted, I have not been late paying rent in over 5 years, I have never damaged my rental properties, I am a quiet neighbor. So why am I homeless? My last landlord raised my rent, and I cannot find anyone who will rent to me now, even with a huge deposit and/or a cosigner, due to my bad credit apparently. I cannot see these credit reports due to bureaucratic loops in the credit reporting system, thus I am asking a judge to intervene on my behalf next week to force Equifax and Trans Union to the table so I can resolve this issue and move forward. Until then, I am at the mercy of greedy landlords who want $40 to apply for their units, which adds up mighty quick. And after they take my $40, they say they will not rent to me due to bad credit. Over and over again. Keeping me in the cycle of poverty.
Right now, as a homeless person, I have a few things I need more than others if I am ever to achieve housing again. One of the most immediate problems I have is property storage. I moved all of my things (which means crates of files, no furniture, scrapbooks, etc., nothing of much monetary worth) into a storage unit in the city I was living in, a long ways from the city I am in now. I had to leave that place and go into the city of Seattle because that is where there are resources and friends. So most of my things are not within my reach right now, except via a three hour bus ride. But I am hauling around a warm sleeping bag, a tent, tarps, a small cooking stove, a cooking pan, a few small dishes and utensils, clothing, some dried fruit and cereal, paperwork and files I need to get housing and a few other things like shampoo, etc. What I need more than anything is a storage locker in town, that I have access to daily.Right now, I am sleeping on a friend’s couch in his small apartment. I do not need my tent and cooking supplies this minute. I do not need all of my paperwork either. But when I leave my friend’s apartment, all that shit goes with me, everywhere I go. People who drive cars do not understand what it is like to haul your crap around with you all day. Car drivers just throw things in the car and retrieve or redeposit them throughout their day as needed. People who are homeless without cars are often carrying ALL of their belongings with them, EVERYWHERE. I am not carrying all of my belongings with me right now, but I am carrying my immediate need belongings, and that is bad enough, let me tell you. It is a societal stigma to do that. You are negatively labeled immediately if you haul such things as sleeping bags around in public and IT SUCKS. So my number one need right now is another storage locker in town to use as a base to put things away that I do not need that moment, even on a daily basis. Such as, I need somewhere to store my sleeping bag EVERY DAY. A place I have free access to at all times.
The next thing I need is some kind of phone system that is not connected to housing. Since I am dirt poor, and trying to survive homelessness right now, money is very tight. I simply cannot afford a cell phone, especially not at some of the rates they charge, like 25 cents a minute! I cannot afford to buy chunks of time on a phone, nor do I have a way to recharge a cell phone reliably. If nothing else, I need some kind of a voice mail system with a phone number I can leave for prospective landlords to call with possible housing! And I need to be able to retrieve those messages for free, from a pay phone, not via calling a number that costs 50 cents a pop to retrieve messages.
Another sincere need I am feeling is a two pronged desire to 1) have some privacy while in this chaos, but instead I have to be upbeat and entertaining to be near people, as I need their help, and 2) days and nights are really, really long when you have nowhere on Earth you are allowed to really be. In a small neighborhood park in Seattle yesterday, I saw a woman who looked a lot like me, laying down under a tree, shaded from the sun. She had a sleeping bag, and a backpack. She has to leave there when the sun goes down. I wonder where she went.When you are homeless, parks are one of the only places you are allowed to be legally, during the day. Yet, if you hang out in parks with sleeping bags and backpacks, parents and uptight jerks act as if the homeless are “ruining” the “family” atmosphere of the park, and there is a consternation there. Libraries would seem another ideal refuge for the homeless, but they chase people with sleeping bags and backpacks out of libraries often. I know the media openly reported the new library built in Seattle last year had plans to discourage the homeless from being there specifically in their blueprints. So where are homeless people supposed to be allowed to put their feet on the ground without breaking laws? It is a quick and slippery slope once you become homeless, to keep police away from you and to keep yourself away from an almost inherent criminalization if you are poor and homeless in America.
Also, while you are homeless, you feel especially alienated often. I know that is one of the biggest problems I have to keep addressing is the energy level it takes to not get psyched out. The energy it takes to keep finding forty more dollars to apply to one more place that yet again, turns me down, eating my money and making me hate land owners for their inhumanity even more, is exhausting. Especially when I have been doing that for a month now, and I am STILL in the exact same situation. To keep being nice to even your friends, during such a serious crisis is not easy. People in their daily lives do not understand the depth of your fear and anguish when you couch surf with them. I broke down and cried the other day. I felt overwhelmed. My friend tried to cheer me up asking if I wanted to go clubbing with him. Nothing sounded more horrific at that moment. First of all, I am dirt poor. He went out and clubbed, and I got to sob alone for a few hours, which I needed. But our lives are like different planets.
It is also very hard for me to stay with people living at a middle class lifestyle while I am struggling in poverty. For instance, as I am worrying about how I will pay rent on their couch, after all these $40 application fees and still being turned down, they are out looking for expensive trendy clothing, or a new music instrument they do not need, as they have more instruments than they can play already. As I sit and watch a world around me consume and live lavishly by my standards, I am told I cannot have basic housing at all. Not even with money offered up and a reliable tenant record. Due to bad credit reports I am not allowed to see and red tape I am stuck in. And yes, it is more than basic credit reporting problems, I am not an idiot, there are other complications. For one, I do not have a home address for them to mail the stupid report to. So, while feeling completely alienated, you are supposed to be happy for your friend having lots of money from his family, and to ooh and awe his latest purchase, and for me, that takes a lot of energy. Additionally, while you are grateful for their help, you still harbor resentment for the class chasm and its definite biases and prejudices towards and against arbitrary individuals. You resent the system that gave them this privilege to hand you charity. At this point, I feel like I need some sustained privacy to stand this, but there really is no privacy, ever, once you are homeless.
And lastly, the one topic some cringe at, but it is real. Where are homeless people’s bathrooms? There are daily bathroom needs, from hygiene and showers to toilets, and that is yet another area where homeless folks are criminalized for trying to not burst a bladder. When every restaurant, store, etc. says you must make a purchase to be allowed to pee, this is a serious daily issue for the homeless poor. Even as I sleep on a friend’s couch, his bathroom is in his bedroom. So in the middle of the night, if I want to pee, I have to go into his bedroom and wake him each time. I do not enjoy that at all. Showers also are not free most places, and thus it becomes a catch-22 where people shun the homeless for being dirty but will not allow them anywhere to shower, and cops arrest the homeless for peeing in public, when they were not allowed a legal alternative place to do so.
I am pretty clear that for me, the immediate hardest hurdles are daily storage, phone contact, the need for privacy and a space I am allowed to be in, and bathroom access. If you want to help the homeless, these may be good places to start. Help set up free storage units for the homeless in your town, such as Angeline’s Place (http://www.ywcaworks.org/page/151/) in Seattle. Help set up a free voice mail system that homeless folks can use and retrieve messages through, such as Community Voice Mail (http://www.fremontpublic.org/client/other.html#cvm) in Seattle. Help create safe PRIVATE spaces for the homeless, even if just during the day. Help fund and institute public bathrooms and public access showers in your town. (In Santa Cruz, Ca., when I was homeless, it was easier as all the beaches had free bathrooms and even showers, and some had cooking/fire pits, and we were allowed on be on the beach during the day without stigma. Also, on the beach, as a homeless person, I could either create my own space to hang, or I could hang out with a large group, but since people bring blankets to sit on at the beach, it was a little harder to tell who was actually homeless and who was just having a day at the beach.) Please think about the things I have shared with you, and take some action in these areas today.
thanks, michelle.
The Top 5 Things I Need When I Am HomelessBy Kirsten Anderberg (www.kirstenanderberg.com)
I am going through homelessness in America yet again, due to being borne into the non-land owning caste, and class prejudice that is unconscionable. And as I battle through this insane maze that defies logic and humanity, putting profits before people and their right to dignity, I am identifying certain reoccurring needs throughout these repeating homelessness cycles in life. My current needs are 1) Daily Storage, 2) Phone Contact, 3) Privacy, 4) Daily Space I Am Allowed to Be In, and 5) Access to Bathrooms. Those are the things I need just to survive and stay homeless. To actually obtain housing, I also need access to a never ending stream of $40 application fees, and some land owner who will rent to someone with a perfect rental history for the last 5+ years, but who has bad credit.
I have heard it said that one of the reasons society stigmatizes the poor is to fictionalize that poverty only happens to “bad” people, thus it could not happen to them. Claiming personal responsibility for race, class, and gender privileges is like blaming individual people who are poor for social discrimination against the poor, people of color and women. Same exact thing, just two different ends of the spectrum. I am experiencing homelessness again first hand, and I am not enjoying it. I have never been evicted, I have not been late paying rent in over 5 years, I have never damaged my rental properties, I am a quiet neighbor. So why am I homeless? My last landlord raised my rent, and I cannot find anyone who will rent to me now, even with a huge deposit and/or a cosigner, due to my bad credit apparently. I cannot see these credit reports due to bureaucratic loops in the credit reporting system, thus I am asking a judge to intervene on my behalf next week to force Equifax and Trans Union to the table so I can resolve this issue and move forward. Until then, I am at the mercy of greedy landlords who want $40 to apply for their units, which adds up mighty quick. And after they take my $40, they say they will not rent to me due to bad credit. Over and over again. Keeping me in the cycle of poverty.
Right now, as a homeless person, I have a few things I need more than others if I am ever to achieve housing again. One of the most immediate problems I have is property storage. I moved all of my things (which means crates of files, no furniture, scrapbooks, etc., nothing of much monetary worth) into a storage unit in the city I was living in, a long ways from the city I am in now. I had to leave that place and go into the city of Seattle because that is where there are resources and friends. So most of my things are not within my reach right now, except via a three hour bus ride. But I am hauling around a warm sleeping bag, a tent, tarps, a small cooking stove, a cooking pan, a few small dishes and utensils, clothing, some dried fruit and cereal, paperwork and files I need to get housing and a few other things like shampoo, etc. What I need more than anything is a storage locker in town, that I have access to daily.Right now, I am sleeping on a friend’s couch in his small apartment. I do not need my tent and cooking supplies this minute. I do not need all of my paperwork either. But when I leave my friend’s apartment, all that shit goes with me, everywhere I go. People who drive cars do not understand what it is like to haul your crap around with you all day. Car drivers just throw things in the car and retrieve or redeposit them throughout their day as needed. People who are homeless without cars are often carrying ALL of their belongings with them, EVERYWHERE. I am not carrying all of my belongings with me right now, but I am carrying my immediate need belongings, and that is bad enough, let me tell you. It is a societal stigma to do that. You are negatively labeled immediately if you haul such things as sleeping bags around in public and IT SUCKS. So my number one need right now is another storage locker in town to use as a base to put things away that I do not need that moment, even on a daily basis. Such as, I need somewhere to store my sleeping bag EVERY DAY. A place I have free access to at all times.
The next thing I need is some kind of phone system that is not connected to housing. Since I am dirt poor, and trying to survive homelessness right now, money is very tight. I simply cannot afford a cell phone, especially not at some of the rates they charge, like 25 cents a minute! I cannot afford to buy chunks of time on a phone, nor do I have a way to recharge a cell phone reliably. If nothing else, I need some kind of a voice mail system with a phone number I can leave for prospective landlords to call with possible housing! And I need to be able to retrieve those messages for free, from a pay phone, not via calling a number that costs 50 cents a pop to retrieve messages.
Another sincere need I am feeling is a two pronged desire to 1) have some privacy while in this chaos, but instead I have to be upbeat and entertaining to be near people, as I need their help, and 2) days and nights are really, really long when you have nowhere on Earth you are allowed to really be. In a small neighborhood park in Seattle yesterday, I saw a woman who looked a lot like me, laying down under a tree, shaded from the sun. She had a sleeping bag, and a backpack. She has to leave there when the sun goes down. I wonder where she went.When you are homeless, parks are one of the only places you are allowed to be legally, during the day. Yet, if you hang out in parks with sleeping bags and backpacks, parents and uptight jerks act as if the homeless are “ruining” the “family” atmosphere of the park, and there is a consternation there. Libraries would seem another ideal refuge for the homeless, but they chase people with sleeping bags and backpacks out of libraries often. I know the media openly reported the new library built in Seattle last year had plans to discourage the homeless from being there specifically in their blueprints. So where are homeless people supposed to be allowed to put their feet on the ground without breaking laws? It is a quick and slippery slope once you become homeless, to keep police away from you and to keep yourself away from an almost inherent criminalization if you are poor and homeless in America.
Also, while you are homeless, you feel especially alienated often. I know that is one of the biggest problems I have to keep addressing is the energy level it takes to not get psyched out. The energy it takes to keep finding forty more dollars to apply to one more place that yet again, turns me down, eating my money and making me hate land owners for their inhumanity even more, is exhausting. Especially when I have been doing that for a month now, and I am STILL in the exact same situation. To keep being nice to even your friends, during such a serious crisis is not easy. People in their daily lives do not understand the depth of your fear and anguish when you couch surf with them. I broke down and cried the other day. I felt overwhelmed. My friend tried to cheer me up asking if I wanted to go clubbing with him. Nothing sounded more horrific at that moment. First of all, I am dirt poor. He went out and clubbed, and I got to sob alone for a few hours, which I needed. But our lives are like different planets.
It is also very hard for me to stay with people living at a middle class lifestyle while I am struggling in poverty. For instance, as I am worrying about how I will pay rent on their couch, after all these $40 application fees and still being turned down, they are out looking for expensive trendy clothing, or a new music instrument they do not need, as they have more instruments than they can play already. As I sit and watch a world around me consume and live lavishly by my standards, I am told I cannot have basic housing at all. Not even with money offered up and a reliable tenant record. Due to bad credit reports I am not allowed to see and red tape I am stuck in. And yes, it is more than basic credit reporting problems, I am not an idiot, there are other complications. For one, I do not have a home address for them to mail the stupid report to. So, while feeling completely alienated, you are supposed to be happy for your friend having lots of money from his family, and to ooh and awe his latest purchase, and for me, that takes a lot of energy. Additionally, while you are grateful for their help, you still harbor resentment for the class chasm and its definite biases and prejudices towards and against arbitrary individuals. You resent the system that gave them this privilege to hand you charity. At this point, I feel like I need some sustained privacy to stand this, but there really is no privacy, ever, once you are homeless.
And lastly, the one topic some cringe at, but it is real. Where are homeless people’s bathrooms? There are daily bathroom needs, from hygiene and showers to toilets, and that is yet another area where homeless folks are criminalized for trying to not burst a bladder. When every restaurant, store, etc. says you must make a purchase to be allowed to pee, this is a serious daily issue for the homeless poor. Even as I sleep on a friend’s couch, his bathroom is in his bedroom. So in the middle of the night, if I want to pee, I have to go into his bedroom and wake him each time. I do not enjoy that at all. Showers also are not free most places, and thus it becomes a catch-22 where people shun the homeless for being dirty but will not allow them anywhere to shower, and cops arrest the homeless for peeing in public, when they were not allowed a legal alternative place to do so.
I am pretty clear that for me, the immediate hardest hurdles are daily storage, phone contact, the need for privacy and a space I am allowed to be in, and bathroom access. If you want to help the homeless, these may be good places to start. Help set up free storage units for the homeless in your town, such as Angeline’s Place (http://www.ywcaworks.org/page/151/) in Seattle. Help set up a free voice mail system that homeless folks can use and retrieve messages through, such as Community Voice Mail (http://www.fremontpublic.org/client/other.html#cvm) in Seattle. Help create safe PRIVATE spaces for the homeless, even if just during the day. Help fund and institute public bathrooms and public access showers in your town. (In Santa Cruz, Ca., when I was homeless, it was easier as all the beaches had free bathrooms and even showers, and some had cooking/fire pits, and we were allowed on be on the beach during the day without stigma. Also, on the beach, as a homeless person, I could either create my own space to hang, or I could hang out with a large group, but since people bring blankets to sit on at the beach, it was a little harder to tell who was actually homeless and who was just having a day at the beach.) Please think about the things I have shared with you, and take some action in these areas today.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
something fantastic!
there are days that will stay in your memory as being amoung the best.
i have had some of these days for which i am thankful: a day in calgary with john, vegan chocolate cake with louise, the night i spent with lindsay when i found out my family wasn't my family anymore...
and today.
today was one of the best beginning to end.
a new person, great conversation, sushi, parts of the city i have never seen, a swing set, cool crisp air, the clear sky and the sunset from behind the high-level bridge...
and then nigel and all the things about him that make him one of the best people i'll ever know.
michelle, lucky
i have had some of these days for which i am thankful: a day in calgary with john, vegan chocolate cake with louise, the night i spent with lindsay when i found out my family wasn't my family anymore...
and today.
today was one of the best beginning to end.
a new person, great conversation, sushi, parts of the city i have never seen, a swing set, cool crisp air, the clear sky and the sunset from behind the high-level bridge...
and then nigel and all the things about him that make him one of the best people i'll ever know.
michelle, lucky
Saturday, May 07, 2005
mischief and mayhem is now in business
well ladies and gents and fans of yours truly...we've done it! we've said fuck off to waiting around for that 'foot-in-the-door' phone call and just built our own door.
this door is called mischief and mayhem theatre.
the first show will be 'TOUGH!' by george f. walker and will be opening in september in edmonton at the azimuth theatre directed by moi!
fucking a! i can hardly sleep i am so excited!!
by posting this for all the world to see i am inevitabley jinxing the shit out of it but whatever!
if you want some more info you can email us at mischiefandmayhemtheatre@yahoo.ca and we'll tell all...
also, i like being interviewed so anyone who wants to interview me can!
raise your glasses with to just fucking doing it!
michelle, wired!
this door is called mischief and mayhem theatre.
the first show will be 'TOUGH!' by george f. walker and will be opening in september in edmonton at the azimuth theatre directed by moi!
fucking a! i can hardly sleep i am so excited!!
by posting this for all the world to see i am inevitabley jinxing the shit out of it but whatever!
if you want some more info you can email us at mischiefandmayhemtheatre@yahoo.ca and we'll tell all...
also, i like being interviewed so anyone who wants to interview me can!
raise your glasses with to just fucking doing it!
michelle, wired!
ethiopian food and boy bands
tonight was 'michelle branches out' night.
well, not really branching out...maybe twigging out. it's not like i took a big step...
anyhow, tonight, as i mentioned before, was the fair trade fair and i was a chipper cheerful volunteer.
so, remember a couple of days ago when i mentioned that hardcore activists made me nervous because i could never be as fucking hardcore? well, i take it back...a little. i take it back as it related to fair trade activists; unless i am intimidated by hippies and their kids. admittedly, i am still a LOT intimidated by people involved with the ELF or ALF but THEY are fucking hardcore! some of this intimidation comes from jealousy (i was i was that socially aware and active) and from guilt because i am know i am not as aware and active as i should be...
but, i digress.
i had SO MUCH FUN tonight. i served ethiopian delights to amazingly nice people; i washed more dishes than i have EVER washed in my life; my hips hurt from standing at counters just inches to short to be really nice to my body; and i met a cool girl who promised to play "i want your sex" by george michael on the radio and will hopefully be able to come and audition for my new play!
here is the weird thing-and i think perhaps this falls into the 'post-modern irony' catagory of the potential feeling of futility that comes with activism-as we were watching the mini-doc. about actions against walmart some insidious music by either nsync or the backstreet boys blasts through the walls from the salsa class next door ( i shit you not)...
weird shit!
all in all super fun and for as tired i was when i arrived there i am glad i went!
michelle.
well, not really branching out...maybe twigging out. it's not like i took a big step...
anyhow, tonight, as i mentioned before, was the fair trade fair and i was a chipper cheerful volunteer.
so, remember a couple of days ago when i mentioned that hardcore activists made me nervous because i could never be as fucking hardcore? well, i take it back...a little. i take it back as it related to fair trade activists; unless i am intimidated by hippies and their kids. admittedly, i am still a LOT intimidated by people involved with the ELF or ALF but THEY are fucking hardcore! some of this intimidation comes from jealousy (i was i was that socially aware and active) and from guilt because i am know i am not as aware and active as i should be...
but, i digress.
i had SO MUCH FUN tonight. i served ethiopian delights to amazingly nice people; i washed more dishes than i have EVER washed in my life; my hips hurt from standing at counters just inches to short to be really nice to my body; and i met a cool girl who promised to play "i want your sex" by george michael on the radio and will hopefully be able to come and audition for my new play!
here is the weird thing-and i think perhaps this falls into the 'post-modern irony' catagory of the potential feeling of futility that comes with activism-as we were watching the mini-doc. about actions against walmart some insidious music by either nsync or the backstreet boys blasts through the walls from the salsa class next door ( i shit you not)...
weird shit!
all in all super fun and for as tired i was when i arrived there i am glad i went!
michelle.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
i am a hypocrite
yesturday when i was being mad at that girl for not meeting me...
well, while i was busy being mad i was NOT meeting someone...someone who i really wanted to meet.
i am a hypocrite.
michelle.
well, while i was busy being mad i was NOT meeting someone...someone who i really wanted to meet.
i am a hypocrite.
michelle.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...you get the idea...FUCK!
i have work i am suppose to be doing RIGHT NOW but i am so angry that my leg is shaking...vibrating!
fuck!
so, i was suppose to meet this girl this afternoon about stage managing my "too early to discuss new project" and after 45 min she didn't show up!
now, i am a fairly reasonable person and i ended up having a fantastic conversation with my production manager about a bunch of things so at the time i wasn't too pissed off.
i wasn't too pissed off because i completely expected there to be an email full of contrition as soon as i got home...death of cat(not that i wish her cat death...) , something to explain her lack of showing up!
nothing...not a thing. not even the fucking courtesy of an email.
so i emailed her and politely asked if all was well...i hope she gets that i was simply being passive agressive and didn't quite have the heart to tell her to go fist herself. i hope my malicious undertones rang loud and clear.
y'know...i am a pretty laid back girl and i don't ask a lot of people but if you want to work with me all i ask is that you don't waste my time and fuck me over. and i am feeling pretty fucking fucked over right now!
dammit!
michelle, breathing...
fuck!
so, i was suppose to meet this girl this afternoon about stage managing my "too early to discuss new project" and after 45 min she didn't show up!
now, i am a fairly reasonable person and i ended up having a fantastic conversation with my production manager about a bunch of things so at the time i wasn't too pissed off.
i wasn't too pissed off because i completely expected there to be an email full of contrition as soon as i got home...death of cat(not that i wish her cat death...) , something to explain her lack of showing up!
nothing...not a thing. not even the fucking courtesy of an email.
so i emailed her and politely asked if all was well...i hope she gets that i was simply being passive agressive and didn't quite have the heart to tell her to go fist herself. i hope my malicious undertones rang loud and clear.
y'know...i am a pretty laid back girl and i don't ask a lot of people but if you want to work with me all i ask is that you don't waste my time and fuck me over. and i am feeling pretty fucking fucked over right now!
dammit!
michelle, breathing...
safe in the arms of anonymity
please go to this blog and look at it.
it is staggering to me what people will say warm and safe in the arms of anonymity.
also, i have created a permanent link for it so you can check it at will and often.
i promise it's worth your time.
michelle.
it is staggering to me what people will say warm and safe in the arms of anonymity.
also, i have created a permanent link for it so you can check it at will and often.
i promise it's worth your time.
michelle.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
midnight quickie
since i seem incapable of going a day without posting:
i just wanted to say that i love the dead kennedys.
you should love them too. seriously!
michelle.
i just wanted to say that i love the dead kennedys.
you should love them too. seriously!
michelle.
for those of you who have been following...
kevin and i have been into some intense discussion about the nature and purpose of feminism in post-modern society and i will continue to comment here because i think it's interesting...and kevin sends me things and says things that y'all should read or hear or whatever.
today: my response is in bold!
I'm not mad at all for you not being alice. good.
I think that as readers of your blog, we have the responsibility not to committ the "fallacy of biography", i.e. when reading a text, one shouldn't jump to the conclusion that the speaker is the same as the author. All you've done at this point is admit that the speaker was lying about its/her/his/ identity :) For me, these kinds of revelations are the neatest part about the internet and anonymus communication. We never really know what the "truth" is; we can only take what read at face value. Every internet writer projects a speaker; the value in blogging is what we learn from how the speaker we've created interacts with other speakers. The fact that you changed speakers mid-blog just makes things more interesting.
wow...thanks. for me it was just a matter of alice getting in michelle's way. i felt stifled by the fact that nothing else i was saying was a lie and so why should my identity. i have become obsessed with the idea of real communication between strangers who will never meet and the only way that this can exist (with anyone) is if there is some understanding that what is written is true...or at least as true and the truth can be seeing as how there is nothing more untruthful or relative than the truth...so yeah...i am simply michelle.
Ok, onto stuff. Dry and dense theory, huh? And you're excited? You really are an academic at heart. i prefer nerd at heart...Open studies sounds nice - I don't really believe in the value of a "well-rounded, liberal arts" education anyway; who needs all those required classes? It just serves to alienate people from subjects they're not immediately good at. statistics and economics immediately come to mind. in the end all those requirements just fuck with your GPA and make getting in to grad school for difficult...i say grrr to university buracracy!
Regarding Kristeva: I've only read the essay "Women's Time". Perhaps better than me trying to discuss her work, here is an exerpt from a page about her.
"Although many feminist theorists and literary critics have found Kristeva's ideas useful and provocative, Kristeva's relation to feminism has been ambivalent. Her views of feminism are best represented in her essay "Women's Time" in New Maladies of the Soul. In this essay originally published in 1979, Kristeva argues that there are three phases of feminism. She rejects the first phase because it seeks universal equality and overlooks sexual differences. She implicitly criticizes Simone de Beauvoir and the rejection of motherhood; rather than reject motherhood Kristeva insists that we need a new discourse of maternity. In fact, in "A New Type of Intellectual: The Dissident," Kristeva suggests that "real female innovation (in whatever field) will only come about when maternity, female creation and the link between them are better understood" (298). Kristeva also rejects what she sees as the second phase of feminism because it seeks a uniquely feminine language, which she thinks is impossible. Kristeva does not agree with feminists who maintain that language and culture are essentially patriarchal and must somehow be abandoned. On the contrary, Kristeva insists that culture and language are the domain of speaking beings and women are primarily speaking beings. Kristeva endorses what she identifies as the third phase of feminism which seeks to reconceive of identity and difference and their relationship. This current phase of feminism refuses to choose identity over difference or visa versa; rather, it explores multiple identities, including multiple sexual identities. In an interview with Rosalind Coward, Kristeva proposes that there are as many sexualities as their are individuals. "
In light of that, maybe you can see why I brought her up. She seems to share some of your complaints that "feminism has become a slogan for corporate woman to convince the rest of that the office tower is where we all want to aspire. 'up here, in our power suits, we're all equal...and we can still be feminine and shave our legs...' since when was feminism about NOT being feminine..." i will admit to not having read this essay (which i WILL read) but i tend to agree with her 'third phase' idea that opens us -as people first-to a multiplicity of identities. i am more than what is evident in what i outwardly appear to be and who i choose to fuck. where i loose it though-and i am sure she doesn't mean this- is that this idea of the potential for multiple identities cannot exist just for woman or just for the GBLT community; it must exist for all people because no person is simply an outward appearance or socially acceptable sexual preference.
Not surprisingly, I had never heard of Lacanian analysis before you mentioned it. When I get a chance, I'll go through the google results and see if I can form an opinion on whether or not Kristeva is Lacanian.
You wrote, "personal responsibility if course important but it cannot exist in lieu of social responsibility." That is beautiful. thanks!
I'd love to read your thesis. Please post it! actually kevin, it's sort of big and i am not sure what sort of copywrite laws apply to blogs so email me your email address and i will send it to you. my email address is in my profile.
Ok, I think that's enough for now. Oh, wait, one more thing. If you get a chance, you should read "The Rebel Angels" by Roberston Davies. I can't decide whether I "liked" it or not, but it is definitely an interesting book about the practice of feminism in academic society. I'd love to what you have to say about it. But of course, your reading list is already probably about a mile long... my reading list is a mile long and it is now a mile and an extra book longer. thanks!
and then a few days later kevin sent me this:
Hi! I read something today that made me think of our discussions. It's an exerpt from a William Gibson novel set sometime in the future. Two people are discussing the current state of society.
"Bohemias. Alternative subcultures. They were a crucial aspect of industrial civilization in the two previous centuries. They were where industrial civilization went to dream. A sort of unconscious R&D, exploring alternate societal strategies. Each one would have a dress code, characteristic forms of artistic expression, a substance or substances of choice, and a set of sexual values at odds with those of the culture at large. And they did, frequently, have locales with which they became associated. But they became extinct.""Extinct?""We started picking them before they could ripen. A certain crucial growing period was lost, as marketing evolved and the mechanisms of recommodofication became quicker, more rapacious. Authentic subcultures required backwaters, and time, and there are no more backwaters. They went the way of geography in general."
Pretty fucking astute, huh? it actually frightens me how true this is. i worry especially about what will happen to this fantastic new culture of protest that has emerged because of george w. bush. i wonder if it will go the way Gibson predicts. i fear it's already becoming trendy!
Anyway, the book is "All Tommorow's Parties", by William Gibson, but if you're going to read it, read "Pattern Recognition" and "Idoru" first. I'm glad to hear you enjoy our discussion.
Fair trade is where it's at too (yes it is...) - but don't let these "real" activists intimidate you. If they live where you live, they've got no right to preach moral superiority. EVERYONE should struggle with the hypocracy of being an activist in our society; being "hard-core" doesn't exempt them. there is an elistism that comes with activism though...which is strange because it should be (and preaches at being) the most welcoming place to be. bizarre...
Sounds like you're in a positive mood. Sweet! Hold on to that thought. i'm trying...
thanks for all the great comments kevin. keep it up!
today: my response is in bold!
I'm not mad at all for you not being alice. good.
I think that as readers of your blog, we have the responsibility not to committ the "fallacy of biography", i.e. when reading a text, one shouldn't jump to the conclusion that the speaker is the same as the author. All you've done at this point is admit that the speaker was lying about its/her/his/ identity :) For me, these kinds of revelations are the neatest part about the internet and anonymus communication. We never really know what the "truth" is; we can only take what read at face value. Every internet writer projects a speaker; the value in blogging is what we learn from how the speaker we've created interacts with other speakers. The fact that you changed speakers mid-blog just makes things more interesting.
wow...thanks. for me it was just a matter of alice getting in michelle's way. i felt stifled by the fact that nothing else i was saying was a lie and so why should my identity. i have become obsessed with the idea of real communication between strangers who will never meet and the only way that this can exist (with anyone) is if there is some understanding that what is written is true...or at least as true and the truth can be seeing as how there is nothing more untruthful or relative than the truth...so yeah...i am simply michelle.
Ok, onto stuff. Dry and dense theory, huh? And you're excited? You really are an academic at heart. i prefer nerd at heart...Open studies sounds nice - I don't really believe in the value of a "well-rounded, liberal arts" education anyway; who needs all those required classes? It just serves to alienate people from subjects they're not immediately good at. statistics and economics immediately come to mind. in the end all those requirements just fuck with your GPA and make getting in to grad school for difficult...i say grrr to university buracracy!
Regarding Kristeva: I've only read the essay "Women's Time". Perhaps better than me trying to discuss her work, here is an exerpt from a page about her.
"Although many feminist theorists and literary critics have found Kristeva's ideas useful and provocative, Kristeva's relation to feminism has been ambivalent. Her views of feminism are best represented in her essay "Women's Time" in New Maladies of the Soul. In this essay originally published in 1979, Kristeva argues that there are three phases of feminism. She rejects the first phase because it seeks universal equality and overlooks sexual differences. She implicitly criticizes Simone de Beauvoir and the rejection of motherhood; rather than reject motherhood Kristeva insists that we need a new discourse of maternity. In fact, in "A New Type of Intellectual: The Dissident," Kristeva suggests that "real female innovation (in whatever field) will only come about when maternity, female creation and the link between them are better understood" (298). Kristeva also rejects what she sees as the second phase of feminism because it seeks a uniquely feminine language, which she thinks is impossible. Kristeva does not agree with feminists who maintain that language and culture are essentially patriarchal and must somehow be abandoned. On the contrary, Kristeva insists that culture and language are the domain of speaking beings and women are primarily speaking beings. Kristeva endorses what she identifies as the third phase of feminism which seeks to reconceive of identity and difference and their relationship. This current phase of feminism refuses to choose identity over difference or visa versa; rather, it explores multiple identities, including multiple sexual identities. In an interview with Rosalind Coward, Kristeva proposes that there are as many sexualities as their are individuals. "
In light of that, maybe you can see why I brought her up. She seems to share some of your complaints that "feminism has become a slogan for corporate woman to convince the rest of that the office tower is where we all want to aspire. 'up here, in our power suits, we're all equal...and we can still be feminine and shave our legs...' since when was feminism about NOT being feminine..." i will admit to not having read this essay (which i WILL read) but i tend to agree with her 'third phase' idea that opens us -as people first-to a multiplicity of identities. i am more than what is evident in what i outwardly appear to be and who i choose to fuck. where i loose it though-and i am sure she doesn't mean this- is that this idea of the potential for multiple identities cannot exist just for woman or just for the GBLT community; it must exist for all people because no person is simply an outward appearance or socially acceptable sexual preference.
Not surprisingly, I had never heard of Lacanian analysis before you mentioned it. When I get a chance, I'll go through the google results and see if I can form an opinion on whether or not Kristeva is Lacanian.
You wrote, "personal responsibility if course important but it cannot exist in lieu of social responsibility." That is beautiful. thanks!
I'd love to read your thesis. Please post it! actually kevin, it's sort of big and i am not sure what sort of copywrite laws apply to blogs so email me your email address and i will send it to you. my email address is in my profile.
Ok, I think that's enough for now. Oh, wait, one more thing. If you get a chance, you should read "The Rebel Angels" by Roberston Davies. I can't decide whether I "liked" it or not, but it is definitely an interesting book about the practice of feminism in academic society. I'd love to what you have to say about it. But of course, your reading list is already probably about a mile long... my reading list is a mile long and it is now a mile and an extra book longer. thanks!
and then a few days later kevin sent me this:
Hi! I read something today that made me think of our discussions. It's an exerpt from a William Gibson novel set sometime in the future. Two people are discussing the current state of society.
"Bohemias. Alternative subcultures. They were a crucial aspect of industrial civilization in the two previous centuries. They were where industrial civilization went to dream. A sort of unconscious R&D, exploring alternate societal strategies. Each one would have a dress code, characteristic forms of artistic expression, a substance or substances of choice, and a set of sexual values at odds with those of the culture at large. And they did, frequently, have locales with which they became associated. But they became extinct.""Extinct?""We started picking them before they could ripen. A certain crucial growing period was lost, as marketing evolved and the mechanisms of recommodofication became quicker, more rapacious. Authentic subcultures required backwaters, and time, and there are no more backwaters. They went the way of geography in general."
Pretty fucking astute, huh? it actually frightens me how true this is. i worry especially about what will happen to this fantastic new culture of protest that has emerged because of george w. bush. i wonder if it will go the way Gibson predicts. i fear it's already becoming trendy!
Anyway, the book is "All Tommorow's Parties", by William Gibson, but if you're going to read it, read "Pattern Recognition" and "Idoru" first. I'm glad to hear you enjoy our discussion.
Fair trade is where it's at too (yes it is...) - but don't let these "real" activists intimidate you. If they live where you live, they've got no right to preach moral superiority. EVERYONE should struggle with the hypocracy of being an activist in our society; being "hard-core" doesn't exempt them. there is an elistism that comes with activism though...which is strange because it should be (and preaches at being) the most welcoming place to be. bizarre...
Sounds like you're in a positive mood. Sweet! Hold on to that thought. i'm trying...
thanks for all the great comments kevin. keep it up!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
i have made some decisions
HAPPY MAY DAY!
www.mayweek.ab.ca
this evening after drinks with nigel i made some decisions:
1: people who drive chrysler 300's are assholes. i tried not to make such a value judgement but every person i have seen driving one of those huge motherfuckers has been an asshole. i wish it weren't the case but it is.
2: this crush on my little jewish dj/promoter/all round sex machine music nerd is getting a little out of hand and i can't figure out how he knows who i am...i have only been to see him dj twice. hmmm...maybe more backstory is required...i might post more later...we'll see. (and yes i do have to mention that he's jewish...i have fetishized jewish culture and have a thing for jewish boys. it may not be right but it is the way it is...)
3: i am so happy to have people in my life that make me happy! nigel, louise, rachel, kyla, lindsay, my mom...no matter what happens to me as far life shit goes i will have them and that's awesome!
4: i love that someone i don't know reads this and has great things to say about it. kevin's awesome and has been keeping me thinking lately! (he's linked: kevin does math...check it out!)
5: i am volunteering at the fair trade fair on friday and i am excited...i hope to learn a lot and will hopefully meet some cool people. admittedly real hard core activists intimidate me just because i'm not at their 'level' or whatever...i know it's bullshit but it is what it is.
and finally,
6: there is SOOOO much amazing music and art out here in this world and this city alone that i will never understand why people always reach for the easiest and basest thing...because it's easy i suppose and because we're indoctrinated at a young age not to think for ourselves but...
anyhow, it's 2:03 am and i could go on about this forever so...
anyhow, i suppose those things aren't really decisions persay-more thoughts and proclaimations but whatever...
g'night!
michelle.
www.mayweek.ab.ca
this evening after drinks with nigel i made some decisions:
1: people who drive chrysler 300's are assholes. i tried not to make such a value judgement but every person i have seen driving one of those huge motherfuckers has been an asshole. i wish it weren't the case but it is.
2: this crush on my little jewish dj/promoter/all round sex machine music nerd is getting a little out of hand and i can't figure out how he knows who i am...i have only been to see him dj twice. hmmm...maybe more backstory is required...i might post more later...we'll see. (and yes i do have to mention that he's jewish...i have fetishized jewish culture and have a thing for jewish boys. it may not be right but it is the way it is...)
3: i am so happy to have people in my life that make me happy! nigel, louise, rachel, kyla, lindsay, my mom...no matter what happens to me as far life shit goes i will have them and that's awesome!
4: i love that someone i don't know reads this and has great things to say about it. kevin's awesome and has been keeping me thinking lately! (he's linked: kevin does math...check it out!)
5: i am volunteering at the fair trade fair on friday and i am excited...i hope to learn a lot and will hopefully meet some cool people. admittedly real hard core activists intimidate me just because i'm not at their 'level' or whatever...i know it's bullshit but it is what it is.
and finally,
6: there is SOOOO much amazing music and art out here in this world and this city alone that i will never understand why people always reach for the easiest and basest thing...because it's easy i suppose and because we're indoctrinated at a young age not to think for ourselves but...
anyhow, it's 2:03 am and i could go on about this forever so...
anyhow, i suppose those things aren't really decisions persay-more thoughts and proclaimations but whatever...
g'night!
michelle.
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