more written shit

i'm bored right now. REALLY bored and so i decided i'd post the second installment in michelle's PSA's for theatre series...enjoy or mock at will:

Theatre: A Public Service Announcement #2

Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to this evening’s presentation of an offensive avant-garde production unlike anything your eyes have seen or your ears have heard. Not to worry Ladies and Gentlemen, your eyes will see nothing and your ears will hear nothing like this this evening. We will save all that for “adult programming” on late-night television or in the back room of the video store. We have taken several precautions to be sure that there is no material in this piece that will offend, after all, we must never alienate our audience and their needs must become before all else. This play contains several scenes of graphic nudity and sex. While we are sure the playwright had good intentions with these scenes we feel that they will be just as provocative with the actors wearing black body suits and miming the action behind a “shark tooth scrim”. After all, the imagination is a very powerful tool. The playwright also used profanity in his work. To combat this problem we have chosen to change these words to something more colloquial and well known among our wholesome theatre going audiences. We have chosen words like: shucks, fudge and poo, for example. We feel that our quality actors well conveyed intentions will more than make up for the lack of profanity. For those of you still unsure as the meaning of these new and exciting linguistic choices we offer, for a marginal fee, a small sealed program containing a glossary of terms. In considering the production of something “fringe” for this season we were always aware of the needs of our subscribers and took no offense to the hundreds of playwrights who decided not to take up our generous offer after our exciting revision proposals. There was some concern of integrity but we realise that there is a time and a place for that notion and the theatre isn’t it. Here at the largest theatre company in your city we have ensured that the avant-garde remains accessible and inoffensive by choosing playwrights and productions as concerned with financial gain as we are. We support you, the audience, and all the monetary success that comes with your returned support. Please do not forget to leave a tax deductible donation of $1000 or more at the door on your way out. Coffee and tea will be provided in appreciation. Thank you and enjoy the show.