fitness brigade.

my life is sort of feeling reminiscent of one of my favourite simpson's moments EVER...

homer is humiliated once again because his lack of inshape-ness and decides that inorder to make bart proud of him he'll go running. as he's running he passes a sign that says

GYM

he reads...GIME (rhymes with time) and is confused.

homer: gime? what's a gime?

so he enters the building...

homer: oh, a gime

it's funny.

anyways, i went back to the gime yesterday. signed my life and fat cells away hoping for a whole 'new' michelle.

i hate the gym. i always have. i hate that the gym seems to be this place that is designed to make you BETTER. and yes, being healthy is better but that isn't the better i am referring to. i mean the better as in 'the more conventionally attractive (ie: thin) you are, the better you are as a person'.

now, i am sure that you're all jumping on the bandwagon to argue with me but hear me out for a second. when you sign up at club fit you're asked to fill out a little "circle all that apply" type survey about what you expect and would like to gain from excercise. there are things on that list that would defined as 'social benefits'...making new friends, looking better, etc. which aren't immediately bad. i mean, i wouldn't mind bonding with some equally awesome person at the gym but that isn't why i am there. the gym reeks of 'social benefit'. i felt like the girl signing me up was always three seconds away from asking me if there was a boy i couldn't wait to turn down once i was thin and hot...GAWD!

further proof of this 'more attractive' ethos the gym seems to have is not only the presence of a tanning salon but they give you coupons for tanning. wicked! now, i can go give myself cancer at a discounted rate in order to appeal to some ridiculous muscle bound, moronic investment banker...i can hardly wait!

ok. i'm being unfair...sort of. no, i'm not. here's the thing. i am starting this exercise thing as a way to be healthier, not be more attractive. i am being health shallow... i am not skinny. i am fully aware of the fact that i need to lose weight and guess what, excerise helps with that! but, i am also AWESOME! skinny or not! and if you don't like me know, if you don't think i am an awesome PERSON then fuck you and if i happen to lose 30lbs and you then decide i am awesome...FUCK YOU MORE! it's not about that.

i guess i just wish all that shit didn't matter. i mean, no matter what i look like, or have looked like (there have been a lot of weight/hair colour fluctuations over the years) i have always been pretty consistent in what i looked for in a person and as far as general attractiveness goes i am pretty proud to say that i am not all that shallow on the looks front. however, i am TOTALLY shallow in other ways; for example, i will NOT date a boy who is stupid or who has bad taste in music (and both intellegence and musical tastes are based on MY standards...). that makes it hard to date me because i'm smart and a music snob. generally, there are few people who are worth my time.

i know what you're thinking, 'but michelle, you're a crush slut! you always have a crush on like 11 people' and that's true but ask me how many of them i would actually want to spend a sunday afternoon with...ONE. ONE of like a 5 or 6. and even that's probably not going to happen.

tangent over.

i guess all this gym, excerise, 'new' michelle thing that i have been going on about has made me think of my body and of attractiveness and all that shit. my wish is certainly utopian. i wish that the gym was exclusively about health but the presence of small clothes and a tanning salon convinces me otherwise. i don't know...hot abs or not, i'd like to be loved and thought of as attractive for ME. for just me...god! utopia really is naive.

p.s. this post isn't a call for compliments. i am not looking for people to tell me i'm awesome. i know i'm awesome! i'm just thinking outloud and curious. please still comment and please still tell me i'm awesome but please be aware that that isn't what i am asking for! xo.