where the shadows make things ugly

i always feel a little strange when i get home from hanging out with people who've known me since i was six. while i believe that parts of us stay the same over the course of our entire lives i really believe that we change more than we can measure.

i know this sounds simple but spending time with these girls wholly reinforces the profound affect our choices and environments have on us.

take kyla for example. she is my closest and oldest friend. she is the one i'd go to first with any sort of problem. we've known each other for almost 19 years. that's pretty amazing.

kyla works at a job that i don't understand and can't explain to you. she has a diploma in instrumentation (and another in design drafting) so it's something to do with that. she has a serious boyfriend and recently ended a five year relationship. she'll be 25 in march and is bothered by the fact that she isn't engaged or married. she was sure that by 25 she'd be married. she owns her car outright and is in the market for a condo.

michelle works at a job that is well below her education and skill level while she bides her time before grad school or until she can work in theatre full time. she has never had a serious relationship; just a few scattered loves and one-night stands. . michelle will be 25 in september and is convinced she's FAR too young to get married. she owns nothing but some gorgeous tattoos and a lot of cds and she can't ever see herself being in the market for a condo.

she and i couldn't be more unlike. but maybe that isn't true. we're both kind and compassionate people who love our families and friends and try to do what we can to make sure the people that we care about are cared for.

and while i'm sitting there listening to kyla (and these other two girls i've known for a while) talk about condos and engagement rings and boyfriends and the fact that they never go out drinking anymore i start to wonder what i'm doing there. why am i sitting in a movie theatre with these people. and the other two are who they are and i neither like nor dislike them, nor are we friends...but kyla.

i love kyla. and all our differences only make us better friends. we come together with no pretense and are wow'ed by how the other lives. me with my occasional one-night stands and her with her boyfriend and condo hunts.

i read once that douglas coupland called nostalgia a weapon and in a lot of ways i agree with him. when used improperly nostalgia can kill. when fueled by loneliness and alcohol there is nothing more dangerous. but in the right hands nostalgia reminds us of our pasts and keeps us intouch with the people that have shaped our present.

tonight i am happy.

xo michelle.