ever heard of gucci?

just before i leave for lunch this afternoon i was visited by the ultimate in retail nastiness: the door-to-door salesman!

the door swings open and in walks a young man around 6'2'' with gorgeous chocolate brown skin and jet black hair. in his hands he carries 4 boxes.

man: hi! how are you today? gorgeous outside isn't it? now, i know you're probably not going to want any of this shit but bear with me ok...ok, so this first thing here, i don't have a fucking clue what it's for. i'm east indian we don't have anything like this but shit, you may know what it's for. usually they sell for $40 but i am willing to give you the four i've got left for $40 bux you just gotta hit me up with the gst.

ok, first of all dude, BREATH! although, i am sure he knew that if he took the time to take a breath that i would tell him to leave. second, i obviously don't have a problem with swearing (obviously) however, this dude doesn't know this and it's totally rude to swear around someone without first assertaining whether or not they are offended by it.

michelle: ok.

man: alright, how many people in your family?

michelle: uh...2?

man: alright, well you see this gorgeous games set. head over to dufferin and this thing'll run ya about $120 right? *i shrug* well, i am willing to offer the two of them to you for $85. there's a catch though.

michelle: oh yeah?

man: yeah, you gotta hit me up with the gst.

i say nothing, i have nothing to say about his tacky ass shit.

man: alright, you got a boyfriend?

michelle: nope.

man: girlfriend?

michelle: nope.

man: ha ha, you wouldn't believe how many people are bisexual. i always ask that as a joke and you wouldn't believe how many people are like, 'yes...'

he then proceeds to laugh at his own 'joke' for like 25secs. i sort of chuckle with confusion and just stand there.

man: alright, you ever heard of gucci?

michelle: yes.

man: well these watches are gucci's brother company and they usually sell for $100US and $125 canadian. my boss wants me to get rid of them at $120 each. alright, how many women do you know?

michelle: a lot?

man: alright, well take a look at these? which one is your favourite?

i look in a box full of some of the ugliest watches i have ever seen...y'know the ones with the heart-shaped faces?

michelle: to be honest, none of them. they aren't really my style. look at my watch.

i show him my watch: black face and band, 1" thick. simple. no heart-shaped faces here.

man: hey, that's cool. well alright, my boss is going to give which ever one of us comes back with all of our merchandise sold and $1000 bux in his pocket $500 towards our tuition. now, i'm a student and that'll make a huge dent so here's what i am going to do for you. which watch was your favourite.

michelle: none of them.

man: can you think of anyone who'd like them as a gift.

michelle: no.

man: do you think you could turn around and sell them?

michelle: no.

man: alright, you've convinced me. here's what i am going to do for you but keep this deal a secret ok. i am going to give you these two boxes of watches, that's 8 watches, for $45 bux and you can do with them as you please.

michelle: look dude, i am going to be honest with you. i am student too and just don't have money for that kind of stuff.

man: alright, what are you taking?

michelle: drama

man: ah, well how do i know this isn't an act.

my slight laugh tells him to fuck off.

man: well, you shouldn't leave your check sitting out.

exuent loser stage right.

(as he leaves) man: is this your beemer?

michelle: do i look like a can afford a BMW.

he shrugs and looks confused

michelle: no. it isn't mine.

and then just as the door is about to close behind him and all his useless shit and ugly watches he catches a customer on his way into the shop.

man: hey there! you ever heard of gucci?

fucking people!
michelle.