will cigarettes turn my voice to pure sex?

nigel is the coolest kid on the block!

hands down.

nigel and i spent most of the weekend together and it was radical.

friday, may 27th, 2005
nigel's 22nd birthday. we met up at about 5:55pm and shuffled our flip flopped feet over the fantastical highlevel diner for some dinner time eats. actually, nigel wasn't wearing flip flops but i really like the alliteration so...

i am a vegetarian and nigel isn't but we both had the fantastical veggie burger with fries. the waiter was a bit upset with me because i didn't touch the homemade condiments provided with the order of a 'burger'. the only condiment i eat is mayo. i HATE, HATE, HATE ketchup more than any other condiment ever. the smell, the taste, the texture...all of it makes me want to hurl. also, i am not a fan of relish or dijon mustard. i apologize for allowing the condiments to go to waste but there is nothing i could do to convince my tastebuds that they wanted to consume ketchup, either kind of relish or dijon mustard.

after our fantastic veggie burgers i was really hoping for some cheesecake. in my mind the highlevel diner is famous for their cheesecake. it makes me a little hot actually...ANYHOW, neither of the flavours really appealed to me but the dark chocolate raspberry would have sufficed. alas, they were out and the other kind was not good. i don't like orange and chocolate together. i dislike that flavour almost as much as i dislike the flavour of ketchup. so, instead we had a little mango and raspberry sorbet combo. nigel isn't a big fan of the mango (yes, he smokes crack...) but i love it...the caribbean girl in me dies at the taste of mango...*drool*

after our fantastic dinner we mosied over to the timms centre for the arts to see the david allen king's production of a play called hysteria. it was a play about the last hysteria fueled hours of dr. sigmund freud...it was alright. i got a little annoyed by it as the end approached and i felt a little bad when i snapped my gum in the middle of a rather pregnant pause...meh.

after the play nigel and i headed to our, or my former and his current perhaps, haunt: a little skanky bar across the street from the timms called scholars. i used to spend a lot of time there. a lot of time under table there making a loud and obnoxious (albeit amusing) ass of myself.

now, i don't drink very much. thinking about it i can't really remember the last time i got tanked. i think paris in november perhaps...not sure. anyhow, i was planning on staying at nigel's place so the beer flowed, i smoked too much and then tara and ryan came and we made our way to the fantastically dive-y garneau pub. nigel left me to my own devices while he went to party at buddy's...but not before i was able to spectacularly impress someone with just how crass i can be!

chris: alright, well, nigel and i are off to buddy's. sure no one wants to come.
michelle: nah chris, we're all good here. just you make sure that nigel gets his dick sucked. *michelle winks*
chris: uh right...well...uh...k...bye!
*michelle waves them off with enthusiasm*

i think i forgot a crucial piece of information in that little script. there were 4 other people sitting at the table, i speak insanely loud, and chris and i have never met.

anyhow, an hour and a pitcher or so later i stumble back to charles' place where he is a perfect gentleman, sleeps on the couch and lets me have his whole bed to pass out on!

the question that did arise however, and boys perhaps you can help me out with this one, are genital piercings possible on a boy who IS NOT circumcised? we assume that a prince albert is although we are not sure about others...anyone know? i am too lazy too google this and the only one's i've experienced have been on circumcised boys...

saturday, may 28, 2005
charles' alarm woke me bright and early at 7:01am so i could get my borrowed car home to my mother by 7:40am...killer! needless to say i went back to sleep until about 1:30pm where i proceeded to nurse my hangover with a long shower, a long soak for the new piercings, some good conversation, three episodes of 'six feet under' second season on dvd, and a fantastic orgasm!...or a fantastic couple of orgasms!

at around 7pm i headed off, blazer in tow, to check out a workshop production of a new play called 'sticky shoes' at the catalyst theatre (they don't have a website...). the show was fantastic. depressed the shit outta me and reminded me of some things i'd rather not be reminded of and have vowed not to discuss in blogland but it was really good!

the only thing about it that wasn't good was all the shit after the show. the thing about a staged reading is that they are for 'theatre people'...your average a-house theatre going audience (those morons willing to pay $45 for a shitty ticket to a shittier show) aren't going to get why there are actors with scripts in their hands and why there are music stands all over the stage and why the director introduces their show...sorry if this sounds elistist but it's the truth to a certain extent. 'sticky shoes' proves this point too. after the show almost 50% of the audience hung out afterwards to schmooze because it's was an audience of theatre people and with a cast of 18 that makes for a LOT of schmoozing. i am terrible at schmoozing! TERRIBLE. it makes me feel dirty to talk about myself that much and i hate trying to make positive shit up when the show is terrible. that being said, i had two good friends and an old mentor of mine in the show so i stayed, hugged and air kissed until i almost puked and finally was able to check my messages. (ew...did i just say, 'until i finally had time to check my messages...barf!)

anyhow, nigel had called and was hoping that i'd want to come over and pick up where we left off with angels in america. i went to safeways got some chips and some diet coke and headed over. i love nigel and i LOVE LOVE LOVE 'angels in america'. it is the single greatest play written in contemporary theatre history and possibly one the greatest and most theatrical movies ever made. i cannot say enough to do this work justice so i won't. i will say only these two things: 1) this work is perfect. not a single line should ever be cut; and 2) WATCH IT IDIOT! it will kill you and your mind will be blown!

i headed home and was tucked snug in my bed by 2:30am!

sunday, may 29, 2005
today was an interesting day all around.

i met two of my oldest and dearest friends for a 12:30pm brunch at cafe mosaics (a fab little vegetarian resturant) and somehow, after being told by both of them that pierced nipples are 'disgusting' and 'slutty' (???), we got onto the topic of abortion. i am not sure this is appropriate brunch conversation but it came up and i said, as did one of my two gals, that if i was pregnant right now there is no way i would keep the baby. it would be selfish and stupid of me to do so. anyhow, my other friend insists she is pro-choice although her definition of 'choice' is limited to rape and anyone under the age of 18. now, i generally like a good debate, especially around such intense moral/ethical issues but we agreed to disagree on this one. a wise choice you'd agree if you knew my friend and normally i would have been fine with 'agree to disagree' except that she brought it up for the rest of the afternoon making snide comments about my being a 'baby killer' and the like. i was NOT pleased.

after some random shopping i dropped her off at home and went home myself. i was feeling a bit nauseated so i took some medicine, had a bit of a nap, some more great conversation, a long hot shower and another couple fantastic orgasms.

9pm arrives and after another quick catnap (40min tops) i was ready to go again. i speed over the university and pick up nigel and we head down to the victory lounge to see noot and polmo polpo. both of whom were FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC by the by.

nigel and i both had a great time and nigel found his place amongst the disaffected hipsters quite well. fortunately for him he looks hot in a blazer.

the show was great but there was some awkward social moments as per usual, or at least as per what happens when you put michelle in a social situation with people way cooler than her and then give her just enough beer and nicotine to make her aware of how uncool she is but not enough to no longer care.

so two beers make me need to pee. it's inevitable really...so i run to the bathroom but i am stopped along the way by this guy whom i have never actually met but has promised me sex over msn many a time. so needless to say it was awkward as ass and i had to pee really bad. i was seriously running and he had to physically stop me.

to add embarrassment to an awkward situation, as i run past the dj booth to the bathroom i accidentally make eye contact with someone that i ignore on purpose. don't ask me to explain why i ignore him. he is a very nice person and has a warm smile but i am intensely shy around him...perhaps because he's so cute and the KING OF SCENESTERS!

anyhow, i pee and go back and chill with nigel and smoke some more. as i stand finishing my smoke insult is added to injury and msn guy (jon) comes up to me.

jon: so, you weren't going to say hi were you?
me: i was but i really had to pee. it was an emergency!
jon: well, you shouldn't wait so long.
me: uh...i know
jon: well, i am just looking out for your bladder.
me: thanks?
LONG AWKWARD SILENCE. we drag on our cigarettes in unison and don't speak. i am tense and really wishing that he was actually as cute as his photo makes him out to be or actually as clever as his msn persona makes him out to be. he is neither.
jon: so, you enjoying the show?
me: yeah, he's so awesome. i am just standing here awestruck trying to figure it all out.
jon: yeah, i smoked a huge joint before i came here so i am just enjoying the music.
me: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.........................
jon: ok, well i was on my way to get a beverage so...
me: k.

and exit jon stage right. now, i know this doesn't seem too terribly awkward but i assure you that it was and it was in no way helped along by the fact that i was surrounded on three sides by hipsters, all of whom are WAAAAAAAAAAY cooler than me.

so, the rest of the evening exists without incident. nigel and i are pooped so as soon as polmo polpo finishes his set we took off.

all in all one fan-fucking-tastic weekend with nigel, some good music, good beer and WAY to many cigarettes. hopefully my voice is well on it's way to being sexellently sexy!

xxx michelle.