sleeping at this point has become utterly useless to me. i can't get rested and it's too hard to sleep peacefully when your dreams are littered with tetris and those goddamn little stacking blocks. you strategize all in your head all night, waiting for that set of green or blue boxes that will fill that last tiny empty space. and then i begin to wonder if perhaps tetris isn't there to fill all those tiny little spaces that keep you awake and thinking about tetris. and then i realise that my life is really motherfucking pathetic if all i can think of that's possibly keeping me awake is tetris.
i wonder if you out there would like to play tetris with me sometime, perhaps relieve some of the tedium and boredom i fear that i am about to enter into. perhaps afterwards, after we play for a while, we'll look across the scrabble board at each other and we'll fall madly in love. our word of the day will be circumcision. you scored 5000 points for that one. or if our word of the day, our word for life, is yellow and you only scored 40 points that will ok too.
goddamn i am ever cheesy! seriously, imagine, love over scrabble. it must be odd for those little things living inside my brain to exist in there with all that cheese and romantic bullshit filling up my head. that kind of thing can't possibly exist, or can't possibly for exist for anything more than a fleeting moment can it.
EEPS! it's hideous how silly i have become about love. THE CYNIC CONVERTS HERSELF...for absolutely no reason. it's not as if that much has changed for me. i suppose my outlook on the whole thing was momentarily revamped but that's all changed too...
i am now currently accepting invitations for a casual and conciencious sex partner willing to cut all strings of attachment, fuck me silly, take me for breakfast in the morning and walk away with a smile. i am not a whore, i never have been. i sometimes wish i were a bit more...experienced but i am not the type of girl with experience.
so, 3:22-3:33...i am no less tired and no more sure of anything i was 11 min. ago and of course my little experiment delved into the sexual as per usual...what's with that?
damn all the pot smoking!
i have to say though, that as weird as it is that the weed is keeping me up instead of putting me to sleep, i love these random monday nights where you and a friend plan to sit around with A beer, wallow separately but together in your own shit, shed some tears and generally support each other-when these random monday nights turn into a fun evening spent with a few friends-some old and some new-smoking some weed and talking about whatever springs to mind.
if there were more would they feel so special when they do happen?
michelle.
p.s. i edited the ranting a bit, just broke it up, to make it easier to read...if you choose to do so.
3 comments:
Nothing wrong with a good rant. That's why you have an online journal, right?
I did the same thing last night (save the tears, cuz MEN DON'T CRY) - had some wine and beer and shot the shit with some buddies. While these nights are always enjoyable, if they happened too frequently, they wouldn't be as enjoyable.
Sounded kinda like an emo post. Sounds to me like you need to get out with some buddies, get smashed and act like an idiot. That's how i deal with things (note to self: getting drunk is not a good way to deal with things).
yeah perhaps getting shitfaced is the answer...although, it may lead to more tears (cuz girls totally cry) and perhaps some things that probably shouldn't happen...
and so what if this post was a little emo...can girls even be really emo? i thought that was reserved for boys with acoustic guitars...;)
Ouch. That was a good burn.
Yes, girls can be emo. Nothing wrong with that. I'm getting better with the whole emo thing - just generally more bitter and jaded than 'emo'.
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