"tilt your mast forward..."

faithful readers, i have quit my job as office-slave and have taken up a post on a pirate ship!

i know, i know this comes as a shock to many of you because i seem so committed to my current job and wouldn't ever leave it but the call of the ocean was too strong.

here's how it happened: i was just about to fall peacefully asleep last night when my cell phone rang. on the other end was a voice i hadn't heard for ages, it was that of my first love: the sea. he whispered softly in my ear that he'd missed me and longed to feel and caress my skin with his soft waves once again. he said there was a spot for me aboard a vessel that plunged itself deep inside his heart, and he longed to have me there.

very romantic right? i told him i would think about it. i'd moved on, gotten a new job, retired my eye patch and only wore stripped clothes when trying to look 'punk'. so, i ran a bath, dug my eye patch out of my hope chest and submerged myself under the water. as he touched me in all those places left dry by his absence i remembered how much it all meant to me and i called him back immediately! i was rejoining the ranks of pirate, outlaw, miscreant and i couldn't be happier.

i have never forgotten the ocean no matter how many others have come into my life. i couldn't pass up the chance to be with him once again.

i will miss you all.
*tips hat*

adieu.


OK OK OK, i am kidding of course!

i have this job where mostly i just sit around and waste time here or playing tetris or making asinine generalized statements on indecline. all in all it's a good life. i am poor but happy...or something like that.

anyhow, on occasion i actually have to do something that would to a normal person be classified as work. today that occasion came and i was forced to operate a FORKLIFT!!! and believe me this is as dangerous as the caplocks and exclamation points would have you believe. i am known amongst those close to me as 'crash' because i am not so good with a car, imagine me with a forklift.

so, the trucking company arrives and the driver refuses to put the skid on the truck, i guess there is something amusing about an inept girl driving a forklift with 400lbs on the forks. anyhow, i pull it up to the truck, get the skid in the truck without incident and as a start to pull away the skid comes with me and almost falls out of the truck:

michelle: AHHH sweet fucking christ!! what am i suppose to do?!! help!

derek (the driver): tilt your mast forward and lift your forks slightly!

michelle: ok, i get the lift the forks part but what the fuck is the mast?

derek: the tilt-y part

michelle: k.

i tilt the mast forward and lift the forks slightly. crisis averted.

derek: wow, you sure can swear!

michelle: i sure as fuck can!

-fin.

ok, that whole little dramatization didn't happen like that but he did say the thing about the mast and the forks and i did say shit...the truth just isn't as amusing this time.

so, derek left and i came here to the computer to waste the last hour of my day!

adios!
michelle.