i wrote on paper with a sharpie

and it may be a little while before what i wrote is out there-out here-for you all to read.

it's a MANIFESTO!-yes, a manifesto! but to me the manifesto is the first step in an actual plan so i don't want to jump the gun by sharing it too quickly.

i'd feel dumb if it all fell apart.

to me, manifestos have always felt like the first step in something bigger and i need to be on the path to step two before the world sees step one, y'know. i just feel like i need to make some calls and solidify a few things (like some help at the very least) before my plot is revealed.

but why? i can tell you why.

i'm fucking bored and depressed and mad. and i'm depressed and mad because of how fucking bored i am. i think being back in school, even as ridiculously part time as i am there, made me realise how school conditioned me. i NEED to be busy. i exist better when i have 700 things to do.

and truthfully, i'm angry with myself. i'm up late resting on my laurels. sure, i did a show in september but it's fucking january and what have i done. i keep telling people, 'i'm in pre-production for a fringe show!' and i am but that's a bit of a fabrication because the play isn't even finished.

i'm just sitting. i make such a big deal that we started this company and did everything without the help of some miraculous benefactor but what the fuck have i done since? besides talk a good game? NOTHING!

so that's it. i'm tired of sitting under a tree waiting for an apple to fall on my head. i'm fucking doing what i need to do.

enter the manifesto!

so what i hope now is that i get my shit together, cash in every favour ever and get done what i need to get done. i'll need help (PLEASE!) and i'll need people to come look at the results (PRETTY PLEASE) but i think it can be done. i HOPE it can be done.

if it's like ben says, that 'every plan is tiny prayer to father time' than i hope he's listening.

that was rambly...

night night.

xo michelle.

p.s. i think this guy might be doing my new headshots. i HOPE he's doing them cuz he's pretty much the raddest dude with a camera in this city!