to call or not to call

the eternal question. i feel slightly like carrie bradshaw must have when she was 15. no, i'm not 15. far from it but sometimes, like now, i feel sort of 15.

on a sidenote i like the carrie bradshaw reference. both intertextual and a clever reference to pop culture as well as calling into the question of authorship. if michelle relates herself to a fictional character is she herself fictional or are all things written true? do characters exist outside of their creator once their names because as recognized as those who actually exist. shit, michelle exists and carrie bradshaw is a million times more famous than she'll ever be!

i've been watching sex and the city a lot lately. yep, it's pretty much crap but it's luscious crap wrapped in gorgeous shoes and women talking cock on television. more of that needs to happen. hopefully the next time it happens a woman will write it but y'know...yes, i know that candice whatsherface wrote the book but a dude writes the majority of the 'teleplay'. so what then? women were convinced that the way these four women talk is the way that women actually talk but these strong female voices are filtered through a man's voice...

ack! don't even get me started. 'the myth of contemporary feminism'. i could go on for ever on acceptable vs. unacceptable manifestations of equality but i won't right now. this isn't what i wanted to talk about.

it's embarassing because i just ranted a little bit and now i want to act like a 15 year old version of myself. shit, i'm almost 25! you'd think at some point i'd get used to the idea that boys do exist in my world and if i want to spend time with them i will have to talk to them.

i am one of those people in constant possession of in my comp lit class, that tattooed one i see sometimes*.

(*these are archetypes and represent NO ONE in particular so stop freaking out!)

amidst all these archetypal crushes there are usually one or two boys that i would actually like to spend some time with. currently there is one. the thing about this one is that we've slept together, gone on 'dates' (sort of) but he's never expressed any real interest in actually dating me. i'd like to go on more dates with him. are things complicated by the fact that we've already fucked? or was that an acceptable 'test drive'? i don't know what to do. at times we have a good thing going. sex, the occasional drink, etc. and then other times he completely ignores me.

and i know what you're all thinking. typical girl, gets attached to someone she's slept with. fuck you! this attachment is something recent and something that has little to do with sex. the truth is he's a nice guy...or he can be. the potential is definately there. i get moments of it. i know i know, 'she doth protest too much' but my christmas holidays can attest to the fact that i can fuck people and in no way become attached. so what? do i take the risk? or should i just get so stoned that i forget about everything and have a full night's sleep? not that i'd call right now but...

so that's that. i suck. what a day. i did nothing all day and i'm running out of weed! i should call him.

should i call him?

xo m.ll night's sleep? not that i'd call right now but...

so that's that. i suck. what a day. i did nothing all day and i'm running out of weed! i should call him.

should i call him?

xo m.