contests are fun!

so, as per usual, i was wasting time this morning doing my usual blog check and was struck by jeff's post. it made me laugh because it's funny as fuck but he came at from a very male perspective; which isn't too surprising since he is a MALE.

i now propose to make public equally crass generalizations all in the name of humour. and for fun's sake i'll make this another contest...you have to guess which catagory i fall into and if you MUST justify your response. the funniest justification will win a prize. i still owe louise a prize for the car contest so now i'll owe two prizes. contests are fun!

so, the thesis of jeff's post was that despite how wonderful the local music scene is and despite how wonderful and accepted you may feel within that scene; it is ridiculously clique-y and elistist and segregated. jeff then when on to outline the major divisions in the scene and how they can be distinguished from one another. so go read jeff's post (there's a link up there^^) and then see below to identify the female members of each of said subsections:

punk girls

these girls are RARELY actually in punk bands
they wear multiple studded belts and jackets and often sport the chelsea haircut or sometimes a mohawk. a multiplicity of vibrant hair colours are a must, as are combat boots and ripped fishnets.
they date punk boys and are often found smoking outside at hallshows while they're boyfriend's band soundchecks.
indie girls are their enemy.
will beat up sXe girls.
are sometimes into metal but hate metal girls.
often instantly recognizable by their uniform use of little skulls with bows on their heads.

emo girls

emo girls are an odd group because emo girls are about saving emo boys...
emo girls are usually found at the front of the stage during my chemical romance singing along to every song and dreaming of how they can bring the emo singer out of his miserable existence and into the light of love.
they often dress like emo boys and sport vertical labret or lip piercings.
black hair with a contrasting red or pink is a must as are a ripped up pair of black chucks.
they hate punk chicks because they're scary.
they think indie girls aren't emotional enough and just don't have enough love for their boys and care too much about music.
metal girls are just too tacky.

indie girls

necessities for being an indie girl:
an underweight artsnob boyfriend
an ironic haircut
vintage blazer
stylish flats
hot $300 jeans
an immense knowledge of both fashion and music
and a STRICT belief that you are NOT an indie snob but a true supporter of the independent artist.
you must abhor punk girls for their simplicity, emo girls for their naivete and metal girls for being so horribly tacky.

hardcore girls

there are few of these and usually mesh fairly well with the emo girls.
sXe (straight edge) girls are the same as sXe boys: holier-than-thou (as puke for the 36th time and take your VD perscpition) and no fun!
anyone who isn't them just sucks and isn't respecting their body as the temple it is.

metal girls

tacky as all shit.
prison looking tattoos of devils on motorcycles
worshipping at the alter of axel rose
often lack in the personal hygiene department
think that a bleach blonde with black roots 80s haircut is hot shit.
only date metal guys.

oh wait, i think i just described biker chicks. ah well, it's all the fucking same and bikers listen to metal right?

that's that. so now when you're out a show you can judge right along with everyone else, it's what ALL the cool kids are doing.

m.

oh, and for all you who haven't caught on to this being a joke (a joke that i stole from jeff and decided to carry on) it is! go to shows, have fun, meet people and stop being such a pretentious fucking snob...no matter what your jeans look like.

oh, and for those of you who are wondering-jeff's totally emo :) hee hee...jk.